DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a woman in my early 20s, just starting out in my career and trying to get my footing financially. My older sister, who’s in her late 20s, recently accepted a new job in Missouri and is planning to move soon, but she doesn’t have the money to make it happen. Now my parents and sister are pressuring me to cover her moving costs, even though I live in Los Angeles (where everything is expensive) and don’t have a huge income myself. They’re framing it like I should help because I’m “good with money” and live more independently than my sister, but it feels unfair to be treated like the family bank just because I’m responsible. I love my sister and want her to succeed, but I also feel resentful that I’m being put in this position, especially since she’s older than me and has had more time to get on her feet. How do I deal with this without damaging my relationship with my family or abandoning my own financial boundaries? -- Family Bank

DEAR FAMILY BANK: Suggest to your sister that she ask her new employer to cover her expenses -- or at least some portion of them. She can tell them that she really wants to work for them but cannot afford the move without some financial help to get there. Next, either tell her you cannot pay her expenses or agree to pay a portion that you can afford. Don’t feel forced to pay for her move. If your parents feel so strongly about helping your sister, they should chip in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day, I was feeling spontaneous and decided to go on a date with someone I met recently. It felt like a big move for me because I was stepping out of my comfort zone. He was a little different from the type of person I usually go for, and I was proud of myself for being open-minded and giving it a shot. At first, things seemed to be going OK, but toward the end of the night, he made an unprovoked, mean-spirited comment that completely caught me off guard. We ended up getting into an argument, and the date ended on a really sour note. What he said was so unnecessarily hurtful that it’s been sitting with me for days, and now I can’t stop replaying the moment in my head. I know it was just one bad date, but it honestly shook my confidence and made me wonder if dating is even worth it. How do you move past something like this without letting it harden you or make you want to give up on dating altogether? -- Bad Date

DEAR BAD DATE: Unfortunately, bad dates occur. Please do not shut the door on the possibility that you might meet someone great at another time. The good news is that you discovered on your first date with this person that his personality does not measure up to your expectations. Move on. Maybe the next person will be the one for you!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is newly engaged! I was over the moon for her when I heard that her partner had proposed. The next time I saw her, I congratulated her and showered her with joy. She seemed coy and a bit reserved about it -- it was almost as if she was surprised that I knew, but I didn’t think much of it at the time.

It’s been a few months since her engagement, and I’ve noticed some changes with her. We work together, and she has been arriving late quite frequently; all of her excuses about her lateness involve her partner. I don’t know how he’s making her late or why she thinks that’s a valid reason, but I’m beginning to worry. She seems reluctant about planning her wedding. I offered to help create something nice and low-budget, but she asked me to stop making plans. She’s been distant since then. I texted her once around 10 p.m. just checking in and saying we should catch up soon, and her fiance texted me back from her phone saying it’s too late for us to be texting. Isn’t that absurd? Is my friend in trouble? -- Red Flags

DEAR RED FLAGS: See if you can get her to go to lunch with you or take a walk outside during a break. Tell her directly that you are worried about her. Ask her if anything is bothering her or if she needs help. Urge her to talk to someone about whatever is going on -- if not you, find someone else. Hand her a slip of paper with the National Domestic Violence Hotline on it: 1-800-799-7233. Continue to pay attention to what’s going on, and be sure to be there for her when she needs you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating this guy for a little while now, and we’ve really hit it off. On our last date, we were out late, and he got a phone call near midnight. He seemed tense after the call, and without me asking, he told me it was his brother calling for some silly advice. At the end of the night, we went back to his place for the first time. I went to use the bathroom, and I heard him take another phone call. I tried to take my time before coming out so as not to interrupt what sounded like an intense conversation, but when I came out, he hung up on whoever he was speaking with. I asked if everything was OK, and he said yes, so I stayed. We were watching a movie when he began receiving text messages on his screen from a woman’s name. She was texting things like, “Call me back” and “Where are you?” He didn’t acknowledge them, and I felt uncomfortable, so I told him I was going to head home. He has not reached out to me since then. Should I ask him what that was all about? -- Suspicious Date

DEAR SUSPICIOUS DATE: This man clearly has unresolved issues with someone else that he is not ready to discuss. Cut your losses and move on. If he does contact you again, find out if he has extricated himself from that relationship before you decide to jump back in.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Before my boyfriend and I were an item, he and his childhood crush dated for almost 10 years and had two children together. Eventually they parted ways, and she moved out west. Since they grew up together, he is still close with her family.

A few days ago, his ex’s mother called and invited him to her birthday party. He told me he’d stop by out of respect. I asked if I could join, and he said it didn’t make much sense since they don’t know me. Later that weekend, he and I were on a date when a woman showed up. He seemed confused but then introduced her as his ex. Apparently, he had told her he was heading out to a bar, but he failed to mention I would be there. She seemed embarrassed. I was caught off guard but handled her presence graciously; I even invited her to have a drink with us. Honestly, I was livid. Why didn’t my boyfriend mention that she was in town when he said he was going to celebrate her mom? Why did she feel comfortable enough to show up and hang out with him without warning? I never felt threatened before, but now I’m having doubts about my boyfriend’s transparency. -- Past, Present, Future?

DEAR PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE?: Tell your boyfriend that in order for your relationship to work, he has to be upfront and transparent about his ex. You need to get to know her and the children if you are to be together. Like it or not, when you have children, the co-parent is part of the package. Find out if he is willing to do what will make you comfortable. Otherwise, cut your losses now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In your reply to “Love That Stray,” the animal shelter volunteer who fell in love with one of the cats, you said that bringing the cat home to an environment where it is not wanted by both people in the house would not be a good idea. I completely agree that this decision should be agreed upon by both her and her boyfriend.

However, as opposed to leaving it at that and leaving the cat at the shelter, there is another option. Most, if not all, shelters offer a trial adoption to see if the animal is a good fit, or a short-term foster, which is an opportunity for the animal to decompress away from the shelter for a little while. Some people will go get an animal for a day and take it to a park or on a walk. Both human and animal are happy when they return.

Maybe Love That Stray could offer one of these options to her boyfriend so he could meet the cat and get a chance to see what it would really be like having it in the home, as opposed to just relying on his imagination. Her boyfriend might end up being pleasantly surprised at how undisruptive and clean most cats are. Who knows, he might even fall in cat-love.

As a side note, I believe if more people took an animal home for a short-term foster week or weekend, they could possibly end up with a love and a joy in their lives that they didn’t know was missing. -- Shelter Volunteer

DEAR SHELTER VOLUNTEER: Brilliant recommendation. Thank you!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)