DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m currently caught in a battle between my sister and my wife. My sister is getting married soon and, unfortunately, does not want my wife to attend. My sister has always been rather protective or defensive of me, but about a year ago, after taking a trip together, my sister decided that she thinks my wife is self-centered. At first, I laughed it off because I disagree. But throughout the year, I’ve noticed that they don’t talk much anymore, and my sister can be a bit unkind to my wife.

Recently, I’ve had to speak up about my sister’s behavior because it makes me uncomfortable. Despite her pettiness, my wife has remained respectful. I am upset that my sister is trying to justify her decision to exclude my wife by saying it's her day and she doesn’t want any drama. My sister and I have always been close, but I won’t allow her to drive a wedge between me and my wife. This should be such a joyous occasion. Is there something I can do to get through to my sister? I don’t want her or my wife’s feelings to be hurt. -- Protective Sister

DEAR PROTECTIVE SISTER: Talk to your wife about it. Get her to weigh in. She knows this is your sister who is getting married. She may welcome not having to go to the wedding and pretending to be comfortable. She may also be perfectly fine with you going. It is your sister, after all. She also could be hurt or sad that at a family function as important as a wedding, your sister would choose to cut her out.

Decide your next steps based on your conversation with your wife. Just make sure that the two of you are united in your decision, and proceed. Ultimately, all of you should work hard to get along as you are becoming family. Sometimes it takes a while for the bond to stick.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I fear that I’ve been neglecting my girlfriend. She hasn’t said anything, and I didn’t even notice -- my friends did. Last year, my mom passed away suddenly, and that turned my whole world upside down. My girlfriend was so good to me during that time. She was there for me every single day, taking care of all the things I couldn’t.

Even though it’s been a while, sometimes I still grieve. When I have those hard days, I don’t notice or pay attention to much else. My friends brought it to my attention that it seems like she is carrying the weight of our relationship. I explained that sometimes it’s hard for me to show up as my best self, and they suggested that I “stop stringing her along.” I love her. I am just going through a tough season. Am I selfish for holding on to my girlfriend knowing that I am not the same partner I used to be? -- Selfishly Grieving

DEAR SELFISHLY GRIEVING: Grief does not have a time limit. No, you shouldn’t leave your girlfriend. Instead, talk to her. Apologize for not being as present as either of you would like. Explain that grieving is taking longer than you imagined. Thank her for being there for you through it all. Pledge to do your best to be more attentive in the days and weeks ahead.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family and I are gearing up for our annual family vacation. My oldest child is in a relationship and has been badgering me about wanting to bring his girlfriend. I would prefer not to bring her along on an intimate weeklong trip because I feel that her clothing can be rather revealing, and she doesn’t seem shy about PDA. I have two much younger children, and I don’t think they need to be exposed to that on their summer getaway. Besides, I don’t plan to pay for some sort of couples’ trip while the rest of us are trying to catch up and bond.

I shared my stance with my son and explained that it’s OK for some things to be family-only, and he’s now refusing to join us unless I extend an invitation to his girlfriend. My son is already away at college, so his younger siblings really cherish the time they spend with him on these vacations. I’m torn here. Are my concerns unreasonable? -- Vacation Ultimatum

DEAR VACATION ULTIMATUM: Your concerns are valid, but you need to look at the big picture. Talk to your son -- and his girlfriend, if possible. Make it clear that she is welcome if she can dress and behave appropriately for a G-rated audience. That means no skimpy clothing and no overt PDA. Tell them that you get to set the parameters for the trip as it is your family trip. If they are unwilling to comply, she cannot come -- even if that means your family misses out on quality time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few years ago, my longtime best friend and I fell out. We grew up together and are the godmothers of each other’s children. But like any long-term relationship, we had our faults. We shared different friend groups, and if I’m being honest, there may have been instances where I felt competitive. It sounds silly -- and it was -- but part of me envied how she was perceived, especially in comparison to how I am sometimes perceived. Oftentimes people describe me as cold or tough or see me as the less compassionate half of a duo. There came a time where my jealousy was harder to hide. Our friends began feeling tension, and as a defense, I began mistreating my best friend. Though our children remain close, she and I are not.

I finally found the courage to admit to myself that I was jealous and wrong for mistreating my friend simply because of my insecurities. Frankly, I now understand why people perceived me the way they did. I want to apologize and I’ve extended olive branches, but she doesn't seem interested in rekindling our friendship. Should I accept the consequences of my actions, or is there something I can do to mend this? -- Long Lost Friend

DEAR LONG LOST FRIEND: It is good that you have the clarity of mind to realize your mistakes as it relates to your friend. While she may never choose to get close to you again, you should make it clear to her what you have learned about your behavior. Write her a letter documenting what a great friend she had been and how you took it out on her. Sincerely express your shame at behaving in that way. Ask for her forgiveness. That’s all you can do.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past few years, I’ve been fortunate enough to do well in my career and build some financial stability for myself. I’m proud of how far I’ve come, especially because my sibling and I grew up without much, and I know how hard it is to break out of that cycle. The problem is, my sibling seems to resent me for it. Lately, almost every conversation between us turns into an argument, and there’s an underlying tension that wasn’t there before. They make little comments about my "luck" or imply that I think I'm better than everyone else now, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve even offered to help them out financially when I can, but that just seems to make things worse. It feels like no matter what I say or do, the jealousy just keeps growing, and it’s starting to really damage our relationship.

I miss how close we used to be, but I also feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. I don't want my success to come at the cost of losing my family, but I also can’t apologize for the life I've worked so hard to build. Is there a way to repair our bond when jealousy seems to be standing in the way? -- The Divide

DEAR THE DIVIDE: Write your sibling a heartfelt letter expressing how much you love and miss them and that you want to be close again. Ask that they let go of whatever is standing in the way of your connection. Say that no matter what, you will always love them.

From then on, it’s on them. You cannot control anyone. Stop begging and live your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling embarrassed after something that happened with a close friend. We were out together at a restaurant. When we were getting up to leave, I slipped and fell in front of everyone. It was one of those moments where the whole room got quiet and everyone stared. Instead of helping me up or checking if I was OK, my friend immediately walked toward the door and pretended she didn’t know me. I had to pick myself up off the floor alone while strangers looked at me with pity and my own friend abandoned me. I felt completely humiliated.

When I brought it up later, my friend laughed it off and said she didn’t know how to react. She never apologized or showed any real concern. I’m struggling with how to move forward because I always thought real friends were supposed to show up for each other, especially in embarrassing or vulnerable moments. Should I confront her more seriously about how much this hurt me, or is this a sign that our friendship isn’t as strong as I thought? -- True Friendship

DEAR TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Tell her you need to revisit what happened that day. Ask why she would not help you in an obvious moment of distress. Tell her it hurt your feelings that she did not have your back. Press her for why she would walk away.

I wondered if you had been drinking. If you were inebriated, she still should have helped you, but that might be a sign for you to curb your drinking. If you have had any such mishap before due to that, it could be a trigger for her. If not, you may want to check to see if anything else is askew in your body to cause you to fall.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)