DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my daughter might be suffering from a broken heart. I’m speculating, but a few weeks ago, she and her boyfriend broke up; he’s a rising star on his high school football team, and you know how that goes. Anyway, she’s been rude and moody, and she actually ended up pushing her mom during a heated argument. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there for this as we co-parent, but when her mom told me this, I was shocked. She’s never behaved like this before, and I think it may be because she’s hurting. What should I say to her about this? What if I’m wrong and it’s not about the breakup? What then? -- Tough Teen

DEAR TOUGH TEEN: Spending time with your daughter should be your goal. Do your best to be in touch with her through texts and calls, and carve out time for the two of you to be in each other's company. Get her to talk to you if you can. Don't ask too many questions, as that will likely make her shut down. By being close to her, you may be able to get her to relax a bit. Between spending time with her and talking to her mom, do your best to put together the pieces to see what her mental state is. You may also try telling her stories of your life at her age, especially if you had a breakup. Ask her if you can support her in any way, and listen to see how she responds.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For a few months, I have been dating a guy who is very kind and mostly attentive. When we first met, he said that his life was great except for the fact that he didn’t have any money. It turns out that was a literal statement. He hasn’t had a job in more than a year, though somehow he is able to keep an apartment and take care of himself. He does not have money to take me on dates or to do anything. As I have listened to him talk about his life, I hear him saying that he doesn’t value money. He has broken up with women because they valued it too much -- but he is living at the opposite extreme. His phone has been cut off at least three times this year. I am growing frustrated by his reality, but I really like him. Am I fooling myself? This is a grown man, and while he says he is looking for work, I don’t see the fruits of that effort. Why am I holding on? -- No Hope

DEAR NO HOPE: It sounds like this man’s life is complicated and stressful right now. He may need a friend more than anything. Because you do genuinely like him, if you believe you can be a friend to him without risking romantic entanglement at a time when he is not up for that level of engagement, continue to talk to him. See what type of person he is, how he handles his business and how responsible he is. These are real concerns. Right now, he is living in crisis mode, even if he does not show it outwardly. Having a long-term relationship with him will require him to get on the other side of this critical moment so that you can see how he lives.

I want to be clear here: I am not saying that you cannot have a relationship with someone who has lost his job or is experiencing hard times. I am saying that to build a life with someone successfully usually requires getting to know them, spending time with them and discovering how your lives intersect and complement each other. This is hard to do when someone is in the depths of crisis. You need time to determine if this relationship is worth saving. Allow that time if you think he is worth it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my good friends has retreated completely. Last year her best friend passed away, and I think that loss is taking a major toll on her. At first, she was holding up all right, but now she doesn’t really respond to me or any other friends. I don’t think she’s active physically or socially, aside from work. I know grief can be overwhelming, so I worry about her. Would it be invasive to pop up at her home and check on her? -- Tucked Away

DEAR TUCKED AWAY: Looking out for friends during tender times is a sign of true friendship and compassion. By all means, go to check on this person. She may not like it, but your overture could be the lifeline she needs. People handle grief in many ways. It can seem impossible to go on for some people when key loved ones die. For this friend to see that you care about her right now may mean the world to her.

After that initial wellness check, do your best to coax her out of the house. Invite her for tea. Suggest that you two go for a walk or visit a museum. Simple activities that don’t cost much but that require human interaction can be healing for someone deep in grief. Give her the opportunity to talk about how she’s feeling, and let her know that you’re there for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you think of the right person, wrong time when it comes to romantic relationships? An ex and I keep finding our way back to each other -- not in an on-and-off kind of way, but in times of need or celebration, we always end up helping each other or supporting each other in one way or another. Whether it’s job references, catering an event, helping each other’s families or periodic perfectly timed check-ins, we always seem to be there for each other despite general and consistent distance. Am I in denial? -- Too Comfortable

DEAR TOO COMFORTABLE: Clearly there’s a “there” there in this relationship. Some bonds change in dynamics over time. The two of you may not be destined to be lovers, but since obviously there’s something keeping you together at pivotal moments, you can acknowledge and be grateful for that. Why not sit down and talk about it? Speak about the elephant in the room. Ask what you want and need from each other and if these seemingly happenstance encounters are enough, or if you want to try to see if there’s more to your bond.

Speak to each other as mature adults who have the capacity to make sound decisions about something as valuable as your friendship. This is key, as sometimes mature people lose their strength and focus when dealing with love relationships. Don’t do that. You two obviously have something special between you. Discover together how best to nurture that in respectful and loving ways. Don’t believe you have to follow any particular prescription for what your relationship ultimately looks like. Just figure it out together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today I saw and smelled someone smoking crack on a subway platform near to where I was standing. I was stunned. I know it happens all around my city -- in theory -- but I’ve never truly witnessed it in real time, only the aftereffects of it. What could I have done in that moment to help that situation? The subway platform was packed. There were little kids with their parents standing nearby, businesspeople and others. It felt unsafe and gross. None of us should be exposed to these sorts of reckless substances unknowingly. -- Crack Exposure

DEAR CRACK EXPOSURE: Sadly, many people continue to use drugs like crack, and enclosed public spaces are often where they use them, especially when it is cold outside and they are seeking shelter. That doesn’t mean, by the way, that it is OK or that you should look the other way. What you could have done is locate transit police and report the activity so that the person could be removed from the platform. You should never directly approach a person using drugs. Allow the professionals to handle that. Alerting them is certainly in the realm of performing your civic duty.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Growing up, I always felt like my parents favored my older sister. They gave her more attention, more praise and more encouragement because they believed she was destined for great success. No matter how hard I worked or what I accomplished, I never felt like I measured up to their expectations of her. Fast forward to today, both my sister and I have done well in life, but I’ve actually become more successful, particularly through investing, real estate and running my own business. Now, suddenly, my parents are treating me completely differently. They’ve become much warmer, more attentive and more interested in my life, but not for the reasons I would have hoped. Instead of being proud of me for what I’ve built, it feels like their change in attitude is mainly because they keep asking me for money. It’s frustrating and hurtful because I can’t tell if their affection is genuine or if it’s just transactional.

I’m struggling with how to handle this situation. Do I set firm boundaries and risk straining our relationship further, or do I help them out despite my resentment? I don’t want to hold grudges, but I also don’t want to be taken advantage of. -- Don’t Take Me for Granted

DEAR DON’T TAKE ME FOR GRANTED: You should decide how much you are willing to allocate to help your parents, purely out of love and respect for them. Decide on that amount, and when you reach it, tell them that you don’t have any more to offer.

As far as figuring out their motivation for being kind to you, don’t go down that rabbit hole. Family dynamics are often complicated. Yours certainly are. Rather than setting yourself up for more hurt feelings, do your best to forgive your parents for their favoritism and live your life. Be proud of yourself and your ability to help them despite their shortcomings. Consider getting therapy to help you heal from your emotional scars.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)