DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now, and while I like him, I’m unsure about taking the next step. Recently, he brought up the idea of making our relationship official, but I have some reservations. One of the biggest issues is that he’s always gone. He travels frequently for work or other commitments, and I feel like I hardly get to spend quality time with him. Whenever we do see each other, things are great, but then he’s off again, and I’m left wondering if I’m really a priority in his life.

For Valentine’s Day a few weeks ago, I was hoping we’d have a special moment together; instead, he was out of town again. The thing that bothered me was that he didn’t try to celebrate earlier or do anything to make up for it. It’s making me question whether this relationship is worth pursuing. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? Should I talk to him about my concerns, or is this a sign that we’re just not compatible? -- Is He the One?

DEAR IS HE THE ONE?: Don’t hang your hat on his reaction to Valentine’s Day, even though it has become a bellwether for love. Instead, look at the big picture and at what you want in a relationship. It sounds like you want more interaction and more connectedness than this man has offered you -- at least until now. If you like him enough to see if there is a future for you two, talk to him. Let him know what you are looking for, and ask if he can foresee a time when he is not as absent -- whether that means by proximity or connection via technology. I say that because some people are busy and still make time for each other using smartphones or other tech. If he says he wants to make it work, go for it -- with your eyes wide open.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My guy and I broke up a few months ago, but I can’t seem to let him go. I notice when he likes my social media posts, and it makes my heart flutter for real. I miss him, and I am sad that we aren’t together. Each time I’ve tried to get back together with him, he won’t try hard enough and it fizzles out. How do I stay away from him when I have a physical reaction that draws me to him? -- Magnetized

DEAR MAGNETIZED: Ask yourself if you deserve being in a state of longing without fulfillment. The answer will be no. Next, ask yourself what you do deserve. What kind of relationship do you want and need to be happy? What qualities are you looking for in a partner? Focus on finding someone who meets those standards. Stop looking for your ex’s engagement. Start thinking about yourself. When your body starts tingling, do not allow yourself to indulge in those feelings. Immediately go to the list of qualities you want in a partner. Envision that person, not the guy who doesn’t deserve you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom passed away this year suddenly and tragically. I am still in shock about it. I was her only child. All we had was each other, and that’s all I let her leave with. I never graduated from college or had a great career; I never bought her a house or helped her move out of the one she raised me in. I feel like I failed her, and I hate knowing that she is gone now and won’t ever see me do those things in the future. Where does motivation come from when you’re drowning in guilt and sorrow? Do the things I’m worried about even matter? -- Lost Without Mom

DEAR LOST WITHOUT MOM: My sincere condolences to you on the loss of your mother. A mother-child relationship at any age can be one of the dearest that a person has. A sudden loss can deeply unnerve you, as has happened to you. First, give yourself grace. It takes time to mourn and to heal after such a devastating loss. Your mind is taking you to all of the things you did wrong or could have done better -- stop playing that tape. It seems that you and your mother were close. I’m sure she loved you. We all have setbacks and disappointments. Do not beat yourself up over things you cannot change. You must learn to forgive yourself. It will take time, but it is essential for your well-being.

Consider getting bereavement counseling. You can find it through your house of worship or with a professional therapist. It helps to have someone to talk to and to guide you to the unique care that you need to tend to yourself during this tender time.

Finally, live your life in a way that would make your mother proud. Finish college. Get a great job. Be kind and generous to other. In that way, you will honor her legacy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Much like “Open Door,” the letter-writer whose ex-husband was looking for a place to stay after breaking up with his long-time girlfriend, my first husband tried something similar with me. He called crying, saying he was homeless and hungry. He claimed he’d stay just until his girlfriend got out of jail, and then they’d go live with her grandmother. “Please,” he said, “I need to come home.” It was my home. He willingly left it years earlier for greener pastures. I picked him up and got him something to eat. He spent the whole time talking about coming back “home.” You should have seen the look on his face when we pulled up to the Salvation Army. I told him that his home with me no longer existed.

“Open Door”: Don’t let him use you and throw you away again. I cried for days, but I did the right thing. -- The Right Thing

DEAR THE RIGHT THING: I so appreciate receiving feedback from my readers about some of these tough situations. You were kind and clear. You did not allow him to cross your boundary, and you gave him a short-term option. Good for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do if you’re a bridesmaid, but the wedding expenses are mounting? This is my best friend’s wedding, and I’d hate to miss out, but some of these things are too demanding: engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, dress, hair, makeup, alterations and more. The list of events and expenses just keeps growing. Should I bring this up to the bride, or politely bow out? -- Bridesmaid Duties

DEAR BRIDESMAID DUTIES: I feel your pain. Unfortunately, it is extremely common for bridesmaids to feel a significant financial crunch as they make every effort to be fully engaged for their friend’s wedding. Look at all of the activities and expenses that you have listed -- and anything else that comes up -- and do your best to itemize costs. Figure out if you can handle anything creatively, or if you must follow the game plan to the letter. If you cannot afford to do everything, determine what has to go, and talk to the bride. Be honest with her. If you feel it necessary, you can ask her if it would be best for you to support her from a distance rather than as a bridesmaid. Talk to her as soon as you can so that she can make adjustments as needed.

Remember that the bride may be stressed out, so be clear and kind when you state your situation. Then decide what is best for you, and take action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, a friend invited me to a museum outing with her and some of her friends. A few days before the event, I reached out to her to say I’m not sure I’ll still be able to join because I have some other responsibilities that really need tending to, but that I’d be disappointed if I can’t join. She then casually said that I’ve been doing that a lot lately: flaking. I was genuinely surprised because I couldn’t recall a time recently when I had flaked or canceled agreed-upon plans. I asked her which instances she was referencing, and she couldn’t seem to remember any in the moment, but she feels like it’s happened and that I just don’t show or cancel for one reason or another. I disagreed with her and told her I am very intentional about the agreements I make and the plans I agree to so that I can avoid last-minute cancellations and changes.

It really bothered me to hear my friend have a perception of me that is so off and not even be able to reference a relevant instance. What makes someone make certain decisions about who you are? -- Flaky Friend

DEAR FLAKY FRIEND: Something in your friend’s psyche is telling her you aren’t always there for her. She may be feeling insecure about other things in her life, or she may really believe what she told you. When you’re feeling less annoyed with her, sit down and remind her that you love her and have been a loyal and attentive friend. You are sorry that she believes otherwise, but you hope that in the future, she will see that you do show up whenever you can.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)