DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do if you’re a bridesmaid, but the wedding expenses are mounting? This is my best friend’s wedding, and I’d hate to miss out, but some of these things are too demanding: engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, dress, hair, makeup, alterations and more. The list of events and expenses just keeps growing. Should I bring this up to the bride, or politely bow out? -- Bridesmaid Duties

DEAR BRIDESMAID DUTIES: I feel your pain. Unfortunately, it is extremely common for bridesmaids to feel a significant financial crunch as they make every effort to be fully engaged for their friend’s wedding. Look at all of the activities and expenses that you have listed -- and anything else that comes up -- and do your best to itemize costs. Figure out if you can handle anything creatively, or if you must follow the game plan to the letter. If you cannot afford to do everything, determine what has to go, and talk to the bride. Be honest with her. If you feel it necessary, you can ask her if it would be best for you to support her from a distance rather than as a bridesmaid. Talk to her as soon as you can so that she can make adjustments as needed.

Remember that the bride may be stressed out, so be clear and kind when you state your situation. Then decide what is best for you, and take action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, a friend invited me to a museum outing with her and some of her friends. A few days before the event, I reached out to her to say I’m not sure I’ll still be able to join because I have some other responsibilities that really need tending to, but that I’d be disappointed if I can’t join. She then casually said that I’ve been doing that a lot lately: flaking. I was genuinely surprised because I couldn’t recall a time recently when I had flaked or canceled agreed-upon plans. I asked her which instances she was referencing, and she couldn’t seem to remember any in the moment, but she feels like it’s happened and that I just don’t show or cancel for one reason or another. I disagreed with her and told her I am very intentional about the agreements I make and the plans I agree to so that I can avoid last-minute cancellations and changes.

It really bothered me to hear my friend have a perception of me that is so off and not even be able to reference a relevant instance. What makes someone make certain decisions about who you are? -- Flaky Friend

DEAR FLAKY FRIEND: Something in your friend’s psyche is telling her you aren’t always there for her. She may be feeling insecure about other things in her life, or she may really believe what she told you. When you’re feeling less annoyed with her, sit down and remind her that you love her and have been a loyal and attentive friend. You are sorry that she believes otherwise, but you hope that in the future, she will see that you do show up whenever you can.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need help dealing with a co-worker who shares way too much about their personal life. Every day at work, they corner me with long-winded stories about their relationship drama, family conflicts, financial struggles and even embarrassing medical details. At first, I listened out of politeness, but now it’s become overwhelming. I find myself dreading our interactions because I know I’ll be stuck in another TMI conversation that I never asked for. The worst part is that they don’t seem to pick up on social cues. I’ve tried giving short responses, looking busy and even excusing myself, but they just keep talking. I don’t want to be rude or hurt their feelings, but I also don’t want to spend my workday as their personal therapist. How do I set clear boundaries without making things weird at work? Is there a way to shut down these oversharing sessions politely without coming across as unfriendly? -- Oversharer

DEAR OVERSHARER: It’s time to be direct. You have to get this co-worker to understand when it’s time to stop. Before they start in on a story, interrupt and say, “I’m so sorry, but I cannot listen today. I have a deadline and can’t talk.”

Or you can be even more specific: In a private moment, tell your co-worker you are finding it uncomfortable when they shares so much about their personal life with you. Explain that you care about them and want to recommend they not reveal so much at work. If they balk, you will have to tell them it’s too much information for you to hold. Ask them to please stop.

Yes, it may be awkward at first. But you should not have to shoulder the burden of your co-worker’s life story in order to keep the peace. Why? You are not experiencing peace anyway. So stop it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in a relationship with a woman for about two years. It started soon after she broke up with her husband. She had told me how he didn’t give her gifts and generally didn’t make her feel special, so I went overboard showering her with expensive gifts and trips -- anything I could think of that would make her happy.

We had a great time together for a while, but then it seems as if she got tired of me. She broke up with me, and now I’m feeling used. I spent a lot of money and time on her, and I wonder if she got what she wanted and then left. I want to tell her how I feel, but I’m not sure it will make any difference. Should I say something? -- Used

DEAR USED: If you still speak with your ex, you can ask her if it’s possible to have a conversation. Tell her that you respect her decision to break up, and you recognize that it can be hard to enter a new relationship after ending a marriage. Add that your feelings are hurt, not just because she has chosen not to stay with you, but also because you feel like she welcomed all of the lavish experiences and gifts you gave her -- seemingly without understanding that you did that out of love for her, believing it was reciprocal. Tell her you feel used.

In the future, withhold lavish gifts until you are solid and in sync in your relationship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been going to the same hairstylist for years, and while she’s always been kind and reliable, I’ve started to feel like her work just isn’t what I want anymore. The haircuts and color never turn out quite right, and I find myself walking out of appointments feeling disappointed more often than not. I know I should probably just move on and find someone new, but there’s one big problem: She goes to my church. It’s not like I can just disappear and hope she doesn’t notice. I see her almost every Sunday, and I know she’ll eventually ask why I haven’t been booking appointments. I don’t want to lie, but I also don’t want to hurt her feelings or make things awkward between us. She’s a genuinely nice person and I respect her, but at the end of the day, I’m paying for a service that I no longer feel good about. How do I gracefully “break up” with my hairstylist without creating tension between us in what’s supposed to be a place of worship? -- Awkward

DEAR AWKWARD: Your relationship with your hairstylist is often one of the most intimate ones that you have. They get to know you, and vice versa. You often share private details about your life, and, after all, they are touching your head.

When that bond goes sour, for whatever reason, it can be hard to part ways. If you can muster up the courage, tell her directly that you haven’t been pleased with your hair for a while, and you are going to try another stylist. Assure her that it’s not personal, but this is your decision. Then, when you see her in church, greet her warmly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need advice on how to set boundaries with my neighbor. She constantly asks me for favors, including giving her rides, picking up things from the store, watching her pets when she goes out of town and helping her with small errands. At first, I didn’t mind because I believe in being a good neighbor, but over time, I’ve realized that this has become a one-sided relationship. She never offers to return the favor or help me when I need something, and she doesn’t even seem to acknowledge how much she asks of me. The problem is, I don’t want to create any awkwardness or bad blood. We live right next to each other, and I know I’ll still have to see her regularly. I also worry that if I start saying no, she’ll act offended or make me feel guilty. She is an older woman, so I don’t want to be rude, but I also don’t want to keep going out of my way for someone who clearly sees me as a convenient helper rather than an equal neighbor. How can I politely -- but firmly -- set boundaries? -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: If you can continue to help this woman, I say do so. She is an elder, and it is the human thing to do. That said, you can also say no when it doesn’t work for you. Ask her pointedly to do things for you that you believe she can handle. If you work on making the relationship more equitable, it may improve.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)