DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having roommate troubles and could really use some advice. My roommate refuses to buy any of the shared household items in our apartment, like trash bags, dish soap, paper towels and cleaning supplies. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but over time, I’ve realized that I’m always the one restocking these essentials, and she never contributes. She and her boyfriend frequently cook elaborate meals in our kitchen, leaving behind a sink full of dishes and an overflowing trash can. They use up the supplies I buy without replacing them, and it’s starting to feel really unfair. I’ve tried to hint at the situation by mentioning when we’re out of things, but she either ignores it or waits for me to buy them again. I don’t want to be passive-aggressive, but I also don’t want to keep footing the bill for everything. How can I address this issue without creating tension in our living situation? -- Taking Advantage

DEAR TAKING ADVANTAGE: Now is the time to be strong and clear. You have to tell your roommate directly that she has to contribute to household costs and chores. Point out that she has never purchased any of the items that are shared for the apartment. Additionally, she doesn’t clean up after herself -- and it’s worse when the boyfriend is there. Tell her that her disregard for you and your shared space has to end. If you think she’d be amenable (and would actually follow through), offer to buy the items and let her reimburse you.

Don’t worry about creating tension; it’s already there. Stand up for yourself and kindly require that she do her part. If she refuses, stop sharing the items. Stash them among your possessions (under lock and key if necessary), and pull them out only as you need them. When she has no toilet paper on an ongoing basis, she will probably get the message!

DEAR HARRIETTE I just read your response to “TV Addict,” the letter-writer who was obsessed with watching television. I think there's more to the solution than simple self-determination. For a long time, I also watched TV all day, and what it was about was avoidance of what was going on in my real life. I watched TV to forget that work wasn't going well or that I was lonely. My suggestion to the author is to look inward and assess your life to see what's causing you to want to live in other people's stories instead of your own. Maybe the author needs to work on developing friendships, seeing a therapist or creating a social calendar, for example.

I always appreciate your columns and get a lot of joy out of reading them. -- Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for your thoughtful response to a problem that has become chronic in our culture. There is even a name for it: binge watching. Your deeper point is important to contemplate. Why are so many of us fixated on TV, video games, social media, etc. rather than fully living our lives? Food for thought!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just moved back to my hometown. After college, I moved to Georgia to teach. I didn’t really know anyone there. I had a few estranged cousins I rekindled with, and I made friends with some of my co-workers, but that was about it. I lived in Georgia for three years before the loneliness started weighing on me, so I decided to move back home to Florida. Lucky for me, a few of my college friends had moved there post-grad, so the decision to move home felt easy for me. Now that I’m home, though, it’s nothing like what I expected. Despite being in the same city, my friends seem to have their own grooves. They say they are happy I’m here, but it doesn’t always feel that way. I still feel alone and even left out sometimes. I don’t always get invited to all of their plans, and no one offered to help me or visit me as I moved into my new place. Is our friendship past the honeymoon phase? -- Lonely

DEAR LONELY: Sadly, you cannot count on other people for your happiness, no matter what your history may be. You have to find ways to fill your cup and be self-sufficient. Note that you moved home after several years, which means years of your friends who remained at home continuing to fortify their bonds and building a life together. You are an outsider. It’s natural that you wouldn’t be invited to everything. That’s not a slight; it’s just life. Stop being upset or insecure. Create opportunities to get together with your friends, and go out and meet some new people. You are responsible for your life and your state of being.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a guy online recently. I’m sort of old-school, so I’m not the biggest advocate for online dating. Generally speaking, I prefer in-person meetings, but I have heard that the online route has worked for some people. This guy and I have a few mutual followers, and he’s a photographer, so that may be how we ended up on each other’s pages. He would do some mild flirtation (such as sending cute emojis via DM or in response to my posts), and then that graduated to flirtatious and curious conversation (fewer emojis, more compliments and inquiries about my interests and whereabouts). I am a woman of faith, and I feel some strong conviction that this man may become my husband. I don’t know what it is about him that makes me feel so strongly. I’ve never felt so convinced before. Is it crazy to trust my gut? How can you discern what the heart wants versus what God wants? -- Internet Wife

DEAR INTERNET WIFE: Have you physically met this man yet? I am concerned that you are forking over all your emotions to someone you don’t really know. Slow down. Meet the man first -- ideally in a public setting. Get to see what he’s like when you are face to face. You can remain genuinely interested in him, but go slowly so that you can get to know him and discover if you two are compatible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating someone for almost two months now. Earlier this week, my date suggested going out to celebrate my 35th birthday. It’s been a while since I’ve celebrated my birthday with a woman I’m involved with, and quite frankly, I was flattered.

My birthday came around, and my date took me to a fun restaurant with great ambience and food. When the bill came, I didn’t reach for it because I assumed she was gifting me the experience. After a while of it sitting between the two of us, she asked if I was ready to go. I replied, “Yes.” She giggled and pushed the bill toward me and said, “Well, let’s close out.” So I did.

Since we started dating, I’ve always paid, but I thought my birthday would be an exception. I tried to tell her jokingly on the ride home that I thought she was going to take care of it this time, and she asked what would make me think that. The rest of the car ride was silent. As a man, I take joy in catering to my romantic partner, but when am I allowed to expect the same? -- Birthday Treatment

DEAR BIRTHDAY TREATMENT: You were not wrong to believe that your date was going to pay for the birthday dinner. Now you know you need to establish a bit of clarity. Yes, it will likely be an awkward conversation, but you can do it. Forget the jokes and tell her you have something serious you want to discuss with her. Tell her how happy you were when she offered to take you out for your birthday; it touched you. Naturally, you expected that since it was her invitation, she was footing the bill. If she then says that you always pay the bill, you can acknowledge that and even say that you are somewhat old-fashioned, so you are accustomed to paying. However, if someone clearly invites you to do something, it is understood that they are paying for it unless it is otherwise stated. Further still, in a relationship -- which I would argue you two are in at two months -- the expectation should not be that you pay for everything. Since you haven’t established that, now is the time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I live separately, and lately, I’ve been getting the feeling that he might be avoiding me. Normally, we spend time with each other only on weekends, at one of our homes or on a date, or both. That frequency hasn’t changed, but I feel that even when we talk normally, if I ask what he’s up to or if he has plans, he’s always quick to say he’s busy. It feels like he’s trying to close off his calendar before I can try to ask for some of his time. Honestly, most of the time when I’m asking, it’s just for conversation, not because I wanted to do something with him. What should I make of this? Why does it feel like he’s trying to assert a boundary of some kind? -- Kept at Bay

DEAR KEPT AT BAY: Tell your boyfriend how you are feeling, and ask what is going on. Something has changed. You may have a feeling, but you cannot read his mind, so you expect him to keep you in the loop. Trust your gut. If he acts like you’re delusional, stand down and observe what comes next. Let his actions guide yours.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)