DEAR HARRIETTE: I just moved back to my hometown. After college, I moved to Georgia to teach. I didn’t really know anyone there. I had a few estranged cousins I rekindled with, and I made friends with some of my co-workers, but that was about it. I lived in Georgia for three years before the loneliness started weighing on me, so I decided to move back home to Florida. Lucky for me, a few of my college friends had moved there post-grad, so the decision to move home felt easy for me. Now that I’m home, though, it’s nothing like what I expected. Despite being in the same city, my friends seem to have their own grooves. They say they are happy I’m here, but it doesn’t always feel that way. I still feel alone and even left out sometimes. I don’t always get invited to all of their plans, and no one offered to help me or visit me as I moved into my new place. Is our friendship past the honeymoon phase? -- Lonely

DEAR LONELY: Sadly, you cannot count on other people for your happiness, no matter what your history may be. You have to find ways to fill your cup and be self-sufficient. Note that you moved home after several years, which means years of your friends who remained at home continuing to fortify their bonds and building a life together. You are an outsider. It’s natural that you wouldn’t be invited to everything. That’s not a slight; it’s just life. Stop being upset or insecure. Create opportunities to get together with your friends, and go out and meet some new people. You are responsible for your life and your state of being.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a guy online recently. I’m sort of old-school, so I’m not the biggest advocate for online dating. Generally speaking, I prefer in-person meetings, but I have heard that the online route has worked for some people. This guy and I have a few mutual followers, and he’s a photographer, so that may be how we ended up on each other’s pages. He would do some mild flirtation (such as sending cute emojis via DM or in response to my posts), and then that graduated to flirtatious and curious conversation (fewer emojis, more compliments and inquiries about my interests and whereabouts). I am a woman of faith, and I feel some strong conviction that this man may become my husband. I don’t know what it is about him that makes me feel so strongly. I’ve never felt so convinced before. Is it crazy to trust my gut? How can you discern what the heart wants versus what God wants? -- Internet Wife

DEAR INTERNET WIFE: Have you physically met this man yet? I am concerned that you are forking over all your emotions to someone you don’t really know. Slow down. Meet the man first -- ideally in a public setting. Get to see what he’s like when you are face to face. You can remain genuinely interested in him, but go slowly so that you can get to know him and discover if you two are compatible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating someone for almost two months now. Earlier this week, my date suggested going out to celebrate my 35th birthday. It’s been a while since I’ve celebrated my birthday with a woman I’m involved with, and quite frankly, I was flattered.

My birthday came around, and my date took me to a fun restaurant with great ambience and food. When the bill came, I didn’t reach for it because I assumed she was gifting me the experience. After a while of it sitting between the two of us, she asked if I was ready to go. I replied, “Yes.” She giggled and pushed the bill toward me and said, “Well, let’s close out.” So I did.

Since we started dating, I’ve always paid, but I thought my birthday would be an exception. I tried to tell her jokingly on the ride home that I thought she was going to take care of it this time, and she asked what would make me think that. The rest of the car ride was silent. As a man, I take joy in catering to my romantic partner, but when am I allowed to expect the same? -- Birthday Treatment

DEAR BIRTHDAY TREATMENT: You were not wrong to believe that your date was going to pay for the birthday dinner. Now you know you need to establish a bit of clarity. Yes, it will likely be an awkward conversation, but you can do it. Forget the jokes and tell her you have something serious you want to discuss with her. Tell her how happy you were when she offered to take you out for your birthday; it touched you. Naturally, you expected that since it was her invitation, she was footing the bill. If she then says that you always pay the bill, you can acknowledge that and even say that you are somewhat old-fashioned, so you are accustomed to paying. However, if someone clearly invites you to do something, it is understood that they are paying for it unless it is otherwise stated. Further still, in a relationship -- which I would argue you two are in at two months -- the expectation should not be that you pay for everything. Since you haven’t established that, now is the time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I live separately, and lately, I’ve been getting the feeling that he might be avoiding me. Normally, we spend time with each other only on weekends, at one of our homes or on a date, or both. That frequency hasn’t changed, but I feel that even when we talk normally, if I ask what he’s up to or if he has plans, he’s always quick to say he’s busy. It feels like he’s trying to close off his calendar before I can try to ask for some of his time. Honestly, most of the time when I’m asking, it’s just for conversation, not because I wanted to do something with him. What should I make of this? Why does it feel like he’s trying to assert a boundary of some kind? -- Kept at Bay

DEAR KEPT AT BAY: Tell your boyfriend how you are feeling, and ask what is going on. Something has changed. You may have a feeling, but you cannot read his mind, so you expect him to keep you in the loop. Trust your gut. If he acts like you’re delusional, stand down and observe what comes next. Let his actions guide yours.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently returned to work after maternity leave, and I’m finding it difficult to focus. All I can think about is my baby, and it’s affecting my productivity and ability to be present at work. I love my child deeply, but I feel guilty about not being able to fully engage in my job, which has always been important to me. Even when I try to focus on tasks, my mind constantly drifts back to my baby’s needs and well-being. I’m also feeling torn between wanting to give my all at work and wanting to be there for every moment with my child. The guilt of leaving my baby during the day is overwhelming, and it’s causing me to feel distracted and less confident in my abilities. I don’t want to let my job or my baby down, but I’m not sure how to find a balance. How can I shift my mindset and improve my focus at work without feeling like I’m neglecting my baby or my career? -- Baby Balance

DEAR BABY BALANCE: There is a saying: You can do everything, just not at the same time. Make a daily to-do list of all of your responsibilities -- one column for work, one for your baby. Methodically check off your list throughout the day, doing your best to focus on whatever small, specific task is at hand. When your mind wanders, remind yourself that you just have to finish whatever is in front of you before you can pivot to something else. Create the discipline in yourself to complete small tasks with focus. This will help you to get through each day. Replace feelings of guilt with feelings of success for achieving small victories. Be sure to include self-care on your to-do list. This will help you to have enough energy to get through each day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Another view on "Unclear Role," the woman whose boyfriend does not want her to act in a motherly fashion to his kids. I agree that more communication to understand why he holds this view is necessary. It is not apparent from the letter if he ever expresses appreciation for his girlfriend's loving presence in his daughters' life.

Even so, his stance about the “biological mom” designation is disrespectful to his current girlfriend. He is devaluing her involvement and availability with his daughters, which she gives freely from her heart, well beyond what is being asked of her.

This shows emotional immaturity. His girls are part of his life, no matter what. An emotionally mature man would want a partner who also wants to embrace those who he considers the most precious. He is trying to compartmentalize or control where love comes from, and it doesn't seem to be working.

From my experience, a man who does not support or endorse his significant other developing close bonds with his children winds up creating a fractured family. -- Medical Perspective

DEAR MEDICAL PERSPECTIVE: Thank you for sharing your informed opinion on this important topic. Children are precious. This man should treasure the love that his partner is offering them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)