DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating someone for almost two months now. Earlier this week, my date suggested going out to celebrate my 35th birthday. It’s been a while since I’ve celebrated my birthday with a woman I’m involved with, and quite frankly, I was flattered.

My birthday came around, and my date took me to a fun restaurant with great ambience and food. When the bill came, I didn’t reach for it because I assumed she was gifting me the experience. After a while of it sitting between the two of us, she asked if I was ready to go. I replied, “Yes.” She giggled and pushed the bill toward me and said, “Well, let’s close out.” So I did.

Since we started dating, I’ve always paid, but I thought my birthday would be an exception. I tried to tell her jokingly on the ride home that I thought she was going to take care of it this time, and she asked what would make me think that. The rest of the car ride was silent. As a man, I take joy in catering to my romantic partner, but when am I allowed to expect the same? -- Birthday Treatment

DEAR BIRTHDAY TREATMENT: You were not wrong to believe that your date was going to pay for the birthday dinner. Now you know you need to establish a bit of clarity. Yes, it will likely be an awkward conversation, but you can do it. Forget the jokes and tell her you have something serious you want to discuss with her. Tell her how happy you were when she offered to take you out for your birthday; it touched you. Naturally, you expected that since it was her invitation, she was footing the bill. If she then says that you always pay the bill, you can acknowledge that and even say that you are somewhat old-fashioned, so you are accustomed to paying. However, if someone clearly invites you to do something, it is understood that they are paying for it unless it is otherwise stated. Further still, in a relationship -- which I would argue you two are in at two months -- the expectation should not be that you pay for everything. Since you haven’t established that, now is the time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I live separately, and lately, I’ve been getting the feeling that he might be avoiding me. Normally, we spend time with each other only on weekends, at one of our homes or on a date, or both. That frequency hasn’t changed, but I feel that even when we talk normally, if I ask what he’s up to or if he has plans, he’s always quick to say he’s busy. It feels like he’s trying to close off his calendar before I can try to ask for some of his time. Honestly, most of the time when I’m asking, it’s just for conversation, not because I wanted to do something with him. What should I make of this? Why does it feel like he’s trying to assert a boundary of some kind? -- Kept at Bay

DEAR KEPT AT BAY: Tell your boyfriend how you are feeling, and ask what is going on. Something has changed. You may have a feeling, but you cannot read his mind, so you expect him to keep you in the loop. Trust your gut. If he acts like you’re delusional, stand down and observe what comes next. Let his actions guide yours.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently returned to work after maternity leave, and I’m finding it difficult to focus. All I can think about is my baby, and it’s affecting my productivity and ability to be present at work. I love my child deeply, but I feel guilty about not being able to fully engage in my job, which has always been important to me. Even when I try to focus on tasks, my mind constantly drifts back to my baby’s needs and well-being. I’m also feeling torn between wanting to give my all at work and wanting to be there for every moment with my child. The guilt of leaving my baby during the day is overwhelming, and it’s causing me to feel distracted and less confident in my abilities. I don’t want to let my job or my baby down, but I’m not sure how to find a balance. How can I shift my mindset and improve my focus at work without feeling like I’m neglecting my baby or my career? -- Baby Balance

DEAR BABY BALANCE: There is a saying: You can do everything, just not at the same time. Make a daily to-do list of all of your responsibilities -- one column for work, one for your baby. Methodically check off your list throughout the day, doing your best to focus on whatever small, specific task is at hand. When your mind wanders, remind yourself that you just have to finish whatever is in front of you before you can pivot to something else. Create the discipline in yourself to complete small tasks with focus. This will help you to get through each day. Replace feelings of guilt with feelings of success for achieving small victories. Be sure to include self-care on your to-do list. This will help you to have enough energy to get through each day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Another view on "Unclear Role," the woman whose boyfriend does not want her to act in a motherly fashion to his kids. I agree that more communication to understand why he holds this view is necessary. It is not apparent from the letter if he ever expresses appreciation for his girlfriend's loving presence in his daughters' life.

Even so, his stance about the “biological mom” designation is disrespectful to his current girlfriend. He is devaluing her involvement and availability with his daughters, which she gives freely from her heart, well beyond what is being asked of her.

This shows emotional immaturity. His girls are part of his life, no matter what. An emotionally mature man would want a partner who also wants to embrace those who he considers the most precious. He is trying to compartmentalize or control where love comes from, and it doesn't seem to be working.

From my experience, a man who does not support or endorse his significant other developing close bonds with his children winds up creating a fractured family. -- Medical Perspective

DEAR MEDICAL PERSPECTIVE: Thank you for sharing your informed opinion on this important topic. Children are precious. This man should treasure the love that his partner is offering them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Despite my disapproval, my brother is dating one of my close friends. I don’t have anything negative to say about either of them individually, but I just prefer not to cross those lines where my separate worlds intertwine. These types of scenarios make me fear ending up in the middle, and that is exactly what’s happened between my friend and brother. They do not spare me any details; when they have trouble in paradise, I feel like I’m at the crossroads. One always comes to vent, and the other never fails to come to me with their concerns, asking for advice or asking if I know what the issue is. How do I set hard boundaries -- or get them both to date outside of my immediate circle? -- Stuck in the Middle

DEAR STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: Even if you attempted to require that your friends and family not date, it wouldn’t work, so save your breath. What you can do is state clearly to them that you refuse to get involved in their relationship. To back up your position, change the subject, walk away or hang up the phone when they start sharing too much, including their side of any argument. Explain that you feel awkward and do not want to be in the middle. You love them both and will not take sides. If you continue to cut off the conversation before it gets started, they will get the message.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you think tough love is necessary? Sometimes I can be a bit hard-headed and often have to learn things the hard way -- especially with my love life. I realize that to people around me who love and care for me, that process is probably frustrating, but for me, tough love never feels motivational. Instead, it makes me feel unheard and dismissed.

I am currently dating someone, and I don’t think he is the best person for me. I shared these sentiments with some close friends, and they started saying things like, “Girl, he hates you. Leave him,” “I don’t know what would possess you to stay” and “I would never be caught in a situation like that.” I already acknowledged that I think I need to step away from this relationship, so I didn’t understand all the intense negativity toward me as an individual. Is this supposed to toughen me up, or is it fair to say my friends were rude and insensitive? -- Judgmental Friends

DEAR JUDGMENTAL FRIENDS: The comments you just shared are absolutely judgmental and unkind, but you should ask yourself why your friends would resort to such strong statements in expressing their concerns about you. Have you been in this situation before, where you knew you should leave and couldn’t do it? Their intensity may have something to do with your unwillingness to walk away when the moment called for it in the past. Assess your behavior and theirs. Decide what you will do about this man. Finally, tell your friends that their harsh comments are more hurtful than helpful. Ask them to be kinder, even if that means making no comments at all. You will still get the message.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)