DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently returned to work after maternity leave, and I’m finding it difficult to focus. All I can think about is my baby, and it’s affecting my productivity and ability to be present at work. I love my child deeply, but I feel guilty about not being able to fully engage in my job, which has always been important to me. Even when I try to focus on tasks, my mind constantly drifts back to my baby’s needs and well-being. I’m also feeling torn between wanting to give my all at work and wanting to be there for every moment with my child. The guilt of leaving my baby during the day is overwhelming, and it’s causing me to feel distracted and less confident in my abilities. I don’t want to let my job or my baby down, but I’m not sure how to find a balance. How can I shift my mindset and improve my focus at work without feeling like I’m neglecting my baby or my career? -- Baby Balance

DEAR BABY BALANCE: There is a saying: You can do everything, just not at the same time. Make a daily to-do list of all of your responsibilities -- one column for work, one for your baby. Methodically check off your list throughout the day, doing your best to focus on whatever small, specific task is at hand. When your mind wanders, remind yourself that you just have to finish whatever is in front of you before you can pivot to something else. Create the discipline in yourself to complete small tasks with focus. This will help you to get through each day. Replace feelings of guilt with feelings of success for achieving small victories. Be sure to include self-care on your to-do list. This will help you to have enough energy to get through each day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Another view on "Unclear Role," the woman whose boyfriend does not want her to act in a motherly fashion to his kids. I agree that more communication to understand why he holds this view is necessary. It is not apparent from the letter if he ever expresses appreciation for his girlfriend's loving presence in his daughters' life.

Even so, his stance about the “biological mom” designation is disrespectful to his current girlfriend. He is devaluing her involvement and availability with his daughters, which she gives freely from her heart, well beyond what is being asked of her.

This shows emotional immaturity. His girls are part of his life, no matter what. An emotionally mature man would want a partner who also wants to embrace those who he considers the most precious. He is trying to compartmentalize or control where love comes from, and it doesn't seem to be working.

From my experience, a man who does not support or endorse his significant other developing close bonds with his children winds up creating a fractured family. -- Medical Perspective

DEAR MEDICAL PERSPECTIVE: Thank you for sharing your informed opinion on this important topic. Children are precious. This man should treasure the love that his partner is offering them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Despite my disapproval, my brother is dating one of my close friends. I don’t have anything negative to say about either of them individually, but I just prefer not to cross those lines where my separate worlds intertwine. These types of scenarios make me fear ending up in the middle, and that is exactly what’s happened between my friend and brother. They do not spare me any details; when they have trouble in paradise, I feel like I’m at the crossroads. One always comes to vent, and the other never fails to come to me with their concerns, asking for advice or asking if I know what the issue is. How do I set hard boundaries -- or get them both to date outside of my immediate circle? -- Stuck in the Middle

DEAR STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: Even if you attempted to require that your friends and family not date, it wouldn’t work, so save your breath. What you can do is state clearly to them that you refuse to get involved in their relationship. To back up your position, change the subject, walk away or hang up the phone when they start sharing too much, including their side of any argument. Explain that you feel awkward and do not want to be in the middle. You love them both and will not take sides. If you continue to cut off the conversation before it gets started, they will get the message.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you think tough love is necessary? Sometimes I can be a bit hard-headed and often have to learn things the hard way -- especially with my love life. I realize that to people around me who love and care for me, that process is probably frustrating, but for me, tough love never feels motivational. Instead, it makes me feel unheard and dismissed.

I am currently dating someone, and I don’t think he is the best person for me. I shared these sentiments with some close friends, and they started saying things like, “Girl, he hates you. Leave him,” “I don’t know what would possess you to stay” and “I would never be caught in a situation like that.” I already acknowledged that I think I need to step away from this relationship, so I didn’t understand all the intense negativity toward me as an individual. Is this supposed to toughen me up, or is it fair to say my friends were rude and insensitive? -- Judgmental Friends

DEAR JUDGMENTAL FRIENDS: The comments you just shared are absolutely judgmental and unkind, but you should ask yourself why your friends would resort to such strong statements in expressing their concerns about you. Have you been in this situation before, where you knew you should leave and couldn’t do it? Their intensity may have something to do with your unwillingness to walk away when the moment called for it in the past. Assess your behavior and theirs. Decide what you will do about this man. Finally, tell your friends that their harsh comments are more hurtful than helpful. Ask them to be kinder, even if that means making no comments at all. You will still get the message.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm currently living in a so-called “luxury” apartment that was built just last year, and I pay a significant amount of money in rent. Unfortunately, my room is absolutely freezing, and it’s making it nearly impossible to feel comfortable in my own home. I’ve already had maintenance come to seal the windows and walls, but that hasn’t solved the problem. I’ve had multiple meetings with management, hoping they would take responsibility and offer a solution, but they keep telling me there’s nothing they can do. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of because this apartment is advertised as a luxury property, yet the living conditions aren’t up to standard. I’ve tried using space heaters, but that’s just driving up my electricity bill and still doesn’t solve the issue. I don’t know what my rights are as a tenant in this situation or what steps I can take to escalate the issue further. Is there anything I can do to hold management accountable or advocate for myself in this situation? How can I ensure I’m not stuck paying so much for a home that doesn’t meet basic living standards? -- Too Cold

DEAR TOO COLD: It’s time to engage your local government. Call 311 to report the lack of heat. Provide all of the details that you can, including any promises management has made. Talk to other tenants to find out if you are the only one having this issue, or if others are also suffering. The more people you can get to complain, the better chance you have of getting results.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This letter is a reply to “Weed Invasion,” the woman who wrote in to say her husband smokes too much weed: It's not that weed isn't addictive; it's that it isn't medically addictive. The guy is probably depressed and using weed as a crutch, or he's a jerk who doesn't respect his partner. Some people use food as a crutch, which is similarly not addictive but can be the symptom of another issue. -- Issue Not Addiction

DEAR ISSUE NOT ADDICTION: Thank you for your response. Without question, the man who feels compelled to smoke weed from sunup to sundown is dealing with some kind of issue. Many would argue that this is not healthy behavior.

There are differing views in the medical community about whether marijuana is addictive. The American Addiction Centers, as well as any number of medical professionals, believe that marijuana can be addictive. The AAC says: “Marijuana (cannabis) can be problematic for some individuals who use it. Despite relatively widespread perceptions that would suggest otherwise, frequent marijuana use is associated with the development of physiological dependence, a distinct withdrawal syndrome and addiction. About 14.2 million people aged 12 or older struggled with marijuana addiction in 2020.”

That said, regardless of the label, excessive use of this drug or any other is not advisable. It can be extremely difficult to stop smoking if it is a habit that one has formed. If you are struggling, please get help. Many addiction programs can support you, including Marijuana Anonymous.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)