DEAR HARRIETTE: Despite my disapproval, my brother is dating one of my close friends. I don’t have anything negative to say about either of them individually, but I just prefer not to cross those lines where my separate worlds intertwine. These types of scenarios make me fear ending up in the middle, and that is exactly what’s happened between my friend and brother. They do not spare me any details; when they have trouble in paradise, I feel like I’m at the crossroads. One always comes to vent, and the other never fails to come to me with their concerns, asking for advice or asking if I know what the issue is. How do I set hard boundaries -- or get them both to date outside of my immediate circle? -- Stuck in the Middle

DEAR STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: Even if you attempted to require that your friends and family not date, it wouldn’t work, so save your breath. What you can do is state clearly to them that you refuse to get involved in their relationship. To back up your position, change the subject, walk away or hang up the phone when they start sharing too much, including their side of any argument. Explain that you feel awkward and do not want to be in the middle. You love them both and will not take sides. If you continue to cut off the conversation before it gets started, they will get the message.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you think tough love is necessary? Sometimes I can be a bit hard-headed and often have to learn things the hard way -- especially with my love life. I realize that to people around me who love and care for me, that process is probably frustrating, but for me, tough love never feels motivational. Instead, it makes me feel unheard and dismissed.

I am currently dating someone, and I don’t think he is the best person for me. I shared these sentiments with some close friends, and they started saying things like, “Girl, he hates you. Leave him,” “I don’t know what would possess you to stay” and “I would never be caught in a situation like that.” I already acknowledged that I think I need to step away from this relationship, so I didn’t understand all the intense negativity toward me as an individual. Is this supposed to toughen me up, or is it fair to say my friends were rude and insensitive? -- Judgmental Friends

DEAR JUDGMENTAL FRIENDS: The comments you just shared are absolutely judgmental and unkind, but you should ask yourself why your friends would resort to such strong statements in expressing their concerns about you. Have you been in this situation before, where you knew you should leave and couldn’t do it? Their intensity may have something to do with your unwillingness to walk away when the moment called for it in the past. Assess your behavior and theirs. Decide what you will do about this man. Finally, tell your friends that their harsh comments are more hurtful than helpful. Ask them to be kinder, even if that means making no comments at all. You will still get the message.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm currently living in a so-called “luxury” apartment that was built just last year, and I pay a significant amount of money in rent. Unfortunately, my room is absolutely freezing, and it’s making it nearly impossible to feel comfortable in my own home. I’ve already had maintenance come to seal the windows and walls, but that hasn’t solved the problem. I’ve had multiple meetings with management, hoping they would take responsibility and offer a solution, but they keep telling me there’s nothing they can do. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of because this apartment is advertised as a luxury property, yet the living conditions aren’t up to standard. I’ve tried using space heaters, but that’s just driving up my electricity bill and still doesn’t solve the issue. I don’t know what my rights are as a tenant in this situation or what steps I can take to escalate the issue further. Is there anything I can do to hold management accountable or advocate for myself in this situation? How can I ensure I’m not stuck paying so much for a home that doesn’t meet basic living standards? -- Too Cold

DEAR TOO COLD: It’s time to engage your local government. Call 311 to report the lack of heat. Provide all of the details that you can, including any promises management has made. Talk to other tenants to find out if you are the only one having this issue, or if others are also suffering. The more people you can get to complain, the better chance you have of getting results.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This letter is a reply to “Weed Invasion,” the woman who wrote in to say her husband smokes too much weed: It's not that weed isn't addictive; it's that it isn't medically addictive. The guy is probably depressed and using weed as a crutch, or he's a jerk who doesn't respect his partner. Some people use food as a crutch, which is similarly not addictive but can be the symptom of another issue. -- Issue Not Addiction

DEAR ISSUE NOT ADDICTION: Thank you for your response. Without question, the man who feels compelled to smoke weed from sunup to sundown is dealing with some kind of issue. Many would argue that this is not healthy behavior.

There are differing views in the medical community about whether marijuana is addictive. The American Addiction Centers, as well as any number of medical professionals, believe that marijuana can be addictive. The AAC says: “Marijuana (cannabis) can be problematic for some individuals who use it. Despite relatively widespread perceptions that would suggest otherwise, frequent marijuana use is associated with the development of physiological dependence, a distinct withdrawal syndrome and addiction. About 14.2 million people aged 12 or older struggled with marijuana addiction in 2020.”

That said, regardless of the label, excessive use of this drug or any other is not advisable. It can be extremely difficult to stop smoking if it is a habit that one has formed. If you are struggling, please get help. Many addiction programs can support you, including Marijuana Anonymous.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling completely overwhelmed by my financial situation. With paying off student loans, covering my living expenses and trying to save for the future, I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water. Rent alone takes up half of my paycheck, and despite budgeting carefully, I’m struggling to make any real progress. I don’t want to move in with my parents, because I value my independence and feel like it would be a step backward, but it’s starting to feel like my only option. I desperately want to build financial stability and work toward a more secure future, but I don’t even know where to start. On top of that, I often feel isolated since I can’t afford to spend money on social activities like my friends do. I worry that all of these sacrifices will lead to burnout, and I need help finding a balance between financial security and enjoying my life. What steps can I take to get back on track without sacrificing my independence or feeling completely defeated? -- Striving

DEAR STRIVING: It takes time to build financial security, especially if you do not have a high-paying job. You may want to consider getting a roommate to share the cost of your dwelling. Otherwise, you could move back home for a specific period of time, during which you focus on saving as much as possible toward your future goals. Since you seem to have developed discipline around your finances, if you can take a break from some bills for a period of time, you may be able to get a jump on your savings. You should try to work toward getting a promotion and raise. Finally, if you have the bandwidth, consider taking on a second job to help move yourself toward financial security.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been working as an associate product manager for two years, and I’m ready to take the next step in my career by interviewing for a new position. However, I’m terrified because I’ve always considered myself a terrible interviewee: I struggle with answering questions on the spot, I feel like I come across as nervous and unprepared and I blank when it’s time to talk about my accomplishments. The idea of facing another round of interviews makes me so anxious that I’ve been putting off applying for jobs altogether. I know that preparation is key, but I’m unsure how to effectively practice and build confidence without getting overwhelmed. Should I focus on mock interviews, improving my storytelling skills or something else? How can I work on presenting myself confidently while staying authentic and not sounding rehearsed? I’m worried my nerves might hold me back from landing a role that could be a great opportunity for growth. -- Getting Ready

DEAR GETTING READY: You need to practice to become familiar with what you want to say in your interviews. Map out the basic answers to all of the questions you think they may ask. Write down your answers, and then repeat them as you look at yourself in the mirror. Practice speaking confidently. It will take time, but you can get comfortable if you put in enough hours. Do your best to memorize the main points so that even if you are nervous, you know the core information you want to share. Breathe! Engage your breath to help keep you calm and steady. Remind yourself that you are prepared, and you can do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)