DEAR HARRIETTE: I made the mistake of getting involved with a co-worker. At first it seemed really harmless to me because we were accustomed to hanging out socially (mostly in groups after work). When he asked me on a date, it felt like a natural progression. After a few dates, we progressed some more. Things started off as a fun and casual hookup, and then I began to notice that he seemed like he wanted our co-workers to know. We didn’t set those boundaries in advance, but it was an immediate turnoff for me. I told him we should keep things friendly and professional, as blurring the lines was getting uncomfortable for me. He conceded. But now he sometimes sends me inappropriate messages while we’re at work. How do I end this? -- Bad Choice

DEAR BAD CHOICE: Invite him out for coffee or drinks, and tell him that while you enjoyed hanging out with him, that part of your friendship is over. Add that you do not appreciate him sending you inappropriate messages at work. Invite him to stay professional. You both are building your careers. Encourage him not to allow a moment of fun to distract either of you from your goals. After that, ignore any of his advances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Please allow me to help letter writer "Sibling Disconnect" in their predicament with their much-younger sibling. My eldest sister and I are more than 10 years apart in age. Still, my sister played an active role in my life, though more in the roles of parent, mentor and protector than that of a sister. She took me to art galleries, museums, water parks, zoos and on countless picnics. She took me to "fancy" salons to get my hair styled -- 50-plus years later I still remember being treated like a princess on that outing. She bought me pretty dresses and encouraged a love of reading and of music. She gave me her time. She listened to my interests and encouraged them.

I was quite young when she moved out of our house, and when things got bad at home, she “rescued” me by offering me a safe haven in which to live. When she married and moved far away, we maintained contact.

Fast forward many decades, and my sister is now effectively a shut-in -- she prefers books to people and is a certified bibliophile -- and she is content with her life. She is on a fixed income, and I now send her “care packages” whenever I am able: I send her groceries, treats and gifts she enjoys (usually books, but sometimes journals in which to write, or office supplies, stamps, etc.).

I do these things out of an abundance of love and gratitude for my most amazing sister, who all those years ago took time to get to know her little sister. It is my hope that she gets as much joy from them as I did from all the kindnesses she showed me. My sister is my hero. “Disconnected” has the opportunity to be the same to her sister, and I hope she embraces the role, because she has an incredible opportunity to be the person who makes the difference in her young sister's life and formation. -- Grateful Younger Sibling

DEAR GRATEFUL YOUNGER SIBLING: Thank you for this powerful testimony to sisterhood.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever my girlfriend and I are intimate, she showers immediately after. At first it was just her, but now she forces me to join her in a post-intercourse shower. In these showers, I’ve noticed that she scrubs relentlessly -- ferociously, even. It scares me a bit because I wonder what she’s trying to get rid of or wash away. She also changes the sheets as soon as we shower. As you can imagine, this is a tedious routine to keep up with at night when all I want to do is pass out. What do you think all this is about? -- Clean Freak

DEAR CLEAN FREAK: Seems that your girlfriend has some deep-rooted discomfort about sexual intimacy. For some reason, she associates it with uncleanliness. Perhaps something happened in her childhood that scarred her. Maybe she listened to religious dogma about having sex before marriage being a sin, and she is trying to wash the sin away. The only way you will know is to ask her.

Be tender. Tell her you have noticed the things that she does after sex, and you want to know why she has these rituals. Invite her to talk about her feelings, and ask her about her sexual history, if you haven’t already. Use this as the beginning of a conversation. It’s unlikely you will learn everything that is concerning her at first. Over time, hopefully you will find the source of her issues and strike a comfortable balance so you can sleep. For example, suggest putting a towel on the sheets so you can take that away rather than all of the bedding.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s a guy who seems to be interested in me. We have some mutual friends, and he’s been trying to interact via social media. We met formally for the first time a few weeks ago at a party we both attended. He seemed charming and articulate, and he even bought me and my sister some drinks.

The other night, I happened to see a disturbing photo of this young man online. He attended a Halloween party dressed -- or not dressed -- as a baby! He had on a diaper and a baby bonnet, and he had a large pacifier in his mouth. His upper body and legs were fully exposed. Am I overreacting, or is this reason enough to dodge the first date he’s offered? -- Weird Costume

DEAR WEIRD COSTUME: Don’t consider his costume a dealbreaker; use it as a conversation starter. People dress up in all kinds of ways for Halloween. Go out with the guy, and at a natural point, tell him you saw a funny picture of him. Ask him what possessed him to wear that costume. In fun, probe a bit more to find out what kinds of other wild things he has done. Listen to get a sense of his personality. Relax and get to know each other. His costume is not a warning sign of danger, but more an indicator of silliness.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently managed to land a job after months of searching in this tough job market, and while I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity, I’m struggling with the decision to take it. The job is exactly what I’ve been looking for in terms of compensation, responsibilities and career growth. It’s the perfect fit on paper, and it feels like the kind of opportunity I’ve worked so hard for. The problem is that it’s so far away from my family. My parents, grandparents and siblings mean the world to me, and we’ve always been close. I’ve never lived more than a few miles from them, and the thought of being hours away is absolutely crushing. I’m used to being able to drop by my parents’ house for dinner, celebrate birthdays and holidays in person or just spend time together whenever I need the support of my family. This job would take that away from me, and I’m afraid of how the distance will affect our relationships. I feel torn. Do I take the job and risk feeling isolated from the people I love most, or do I stay closer to home and potentially miss out on advancing my career? -- Career Move

DEAR CAREER MOVE: Your family will love you no matter where you live. Yes, you will miss each other, but you should not turn down this opportunity because of distance. Think of it as an adventure: You can take the job, gain the experience and stay for a fixed amount of time. Nobody said you had to stay in this location forever. Make the most of it. Use technology to stay close to your family while you are away, and plan visits back home as often as you can. Similarly, invite them to come see you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently brought up the idea to my fiance of having a small courthouse wedding instead of a big, traditional ceremony, but he said no immediately. He has a large network of friends and family with whom he is close, and he wants a big wedding to celebrate with everyone. I don’t have nearly as many people to invite, and the thought of a large wedding has been making me anxious.

My side of the church would be almost empty compared to his, and I would be so embarrassed. My dad’s family lives abroad, and I’ve never met most of them, so they wouldn’t be attending. On my mom’s side, we’re not particularly close, and I haven’t seen or spoken to many of them in years. It would feel almost awkward to reach out now and invite them to such an important day when we’ve been distant for so long. I do have a few close friends who will happily support me, but even then, it’s not enough to fill the pews or match the turnout my fiance’s side would bring. Is there a way to compromise so we can both feel good about the day, or am I being unreasonable for not wanting a big wedding? -- Wedding Size

DEAR WEDDING SIZE: I see two potential compromises: 1. Host a small wedding ceremony and a large reception, which is basically a big party. Have only family at the wedding. 2. Allow the big event, but have everyone sit mixed together, not separated by sides.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)