DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the youngest of five siblings, and although we’re all adults now, I feel like my older siblings still see me as the baby of the family. No matter how much I accomplish, they continue to treat me like I’m inexperienced or don’t know what I’m doing. It feels like they’ll never see me as a capable adult even though I have a career, a home and a family of my own. One area where this is especially frustrating is in the kitchen. Every time we have a family gathering, they make jokes about how I can’t cook, or they say things like, "Why don’t you let one of us handle it?" I know they’re trying to be lighthearted, but it’s hurtful and makes me feel like they don’t believe I’m competent.

What’s worse is that they frequently criticize my parenting. I have two wonderful sons who are thriving, yet my siblings always seem to find something to correct or comment on when it comes to how I raise them. I love my family, and I know they care about me, but this dynamic is exhausting and undermines my confidence. How can I assert myself and help my siblings recognize that I’m fully capable in both my cooking and my parenting without causing a rift in our family? -- Baby No More

DEAR BABY NO MORE: I consistently hear this complaint from youngest children. This seems like an uphill battle, as you have described, because your family members are relying on ingrained beliefs rather than reality. What you can do is change your attitude toward them. Do your best to stop needing your family’s approval. Participate as you see fit in family activities, but don’t wait for their accolades. If they diss you, encourage them to eat your food and get to know your children rather than criticizing everything. When they start in on you, walk away. Don’t give them space to disparage you to your face.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I noted the letter by “Make a Choice,” regarding a young person’s desire to go to college out of state rather than the more affordable in-state school. The letter didn’t say, but I assume the two schools are similar in reputation and offerings. I had the identical problem. My oldest daughter (the golden child) had qualifications that would have let her go wherever she wanted. She thought she needed to leave Virginia. One state school that accepted her was the University of Virginia. Although a state school, it ranks with the Ivy League. I let it play out, hoping she’d make the right decision on her own. It was not going that way. Finally, I told her, “You’ve been accepted to one of the finest schools in the country. We can afford to send you there without a lifestyle change. Here’s my offer: You go to UVA for your four-year undergrad degree. If you want or need to go anywhere else for further education, I will pay for it.” She went to and LOVED her state school -- so much so that her decision to become a doctor, which again came with assorted high-priced out-of-state schools, was fulfilled when she decided to stay at UVA for med school.

I would have encouraged her to leave if her out-of-state school choice had been far superior, but it wasn’t. I think the folks in your letter could have thought about it on that basis. -- Practical Dad

DEAR PRACTICAL DAD: Your insights are spot-on. How you guided your daughter was respectful and uplifting. Thanks for sharing!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a really tough spot with my two best friends. Recently, they had a huge falling-out over something pretty serious, and it’s escalated to the point where they’re not speaking to each other. They’ve each been confiding in me about their side of the story, and while I’ve been trying my best to listen and be supportive, it feels like they’re each expecting me to take sides. The problem is, I care about both of them deeply, and I don’t want to lose either friendship. I feel like if I lean too much toward one friend, the other will feel betrayed, and I could end up caught in the middle of their drama. I hate the idea of being forced to choose between them or having to take on the role of mediator.

On top of this, it’s becoming exhausting to constantly hear them vent about each other. I don’t want to seem unsupportive by asking them to stop, but I also don’t want to get dragged into their conflict or let it affect my own mental health. How can I maintain my relationships with both of them without getting pulled into their issues? -- Friend Chasm

DEAR FRIEND CHASM: The best thing you can do is stop talking to each of them about the other. Draw a line, and tell them how much you love them and want to remain friends with both of them. You are so sorry that they are fighting right now, but you do not want to take sides or have to choose between them. Once the boundary is clear, stop engaging either of them on this topic. Hopefully, you will be able to maintain both friendships. Better yet, it will be amazing if the two of them would rekindle their relationship. In the meantime, the way you can protect yourself is to disengage from any conversation about their issues.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Due to some recent financial struggles, I’m going to have to move in with my brother temporarily. While I’m grateful that he’s willing to help me out, I’m really anxious about how it’s going to go. The biggest issue is that his wife isn’t thrilled about the idea of me living with them. We’ve had a rocky relationship, and I know she’s going along with this only because my brother insisted. The main source of tension is that she’s very particular about her home. She has a bit of an obsessive-compulsive streak when it comes to cleanliness and organization, and even the smallest things being out of place can set her off. I know I’ll need to be extra mindful, but I’m worried that no matter how careful I am, there’s a chance I’ll slip up and end up upsetting her. I don’t want to add to the stress in their household or make things harder for my brother, but I also want to feel somewhat comfortable in what will be my temporary home. How can I navigate this situation so that I respect her boundaries and keep the peace? -- OCD

DEAR OCD: Speak to your sister-in-law. Tell her you will do your best to honor the rules of her home. Do not leave items of yours out anywhere in the home. Be sure to keep your room tidy as well. Apologize if you upset her. It is her house. Meanwhile, save your money and get out as soon as possible. It's best that you avoid getting too comfortable, because you need to remember that this arrangement is temporary.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 32 years old, and I still don’t have my driver’s license. This has always been a sensitive issue for me, and while I know it’s unusual at my age, I just don’t feel comfortable driving. My family has been patient over the years, helping me get around whenever I need it, but lately, they’ve been vocal about their frustrations. They keep pushing me to get my license and learn to drive, saying it’s time for me to be more independent. The truth is, I’m really scared of learning how to drive. The idea of being behind the wheel makes me anxious, and I worry about the possibility of getting into an accident or making a mistake that could put myself and others in danger. I feel like no one really understands this fear; they just think I’m being difficult or lazy. Every time they bring it up, it adds to my anxiety and makes me want to avoid the whole topic altogether.

I don’t want to be a burden on my family, and I know driving would make life easier for everyone, including myself. How can I approach this situation so that my family understands what I’m going through? And is there any way to start building confidence to finally face my fear of driving? -- Fear of Driving

DEAR FEAR OF DRIVING: Facing your fears is wise, even if you do not become a driver. In this way, you can conquer whatever is troubling you. My recommendation would be to take a driver’s education class to learn how to drive safely alongside an expert driver. This way, you can grow accustomed to the feeling of being behind the wheel and controlling a vehicle. It's just a class, not a commitment to get the license.

If this seems too daunting, consider getting a therapist to work through this phobia with you. Even if you never become a driver, it’s good for you to eliminate the fear and embrace your abilities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend told me some secrets from her company. I asked her about it, and she mentioned that she had signed a nondisclosure agreement. I told her not to share this information with anyone else, as it is part of the contract she signed for her safety. She replied that I was just overreacting and that no one would find out aside from me. I’m concerned about the potential consequences if she shares these secrets. It’s important for her to understand the seriousness of the situation. I want to support her, but I also need to help her realize the risks involved. What should I tell her to emphasize the importance of keeping this information confidential? -- Breach

DEAR BREACH: Sit your friend down and tell her you need to have a serious conversation. Tell her you appreciate how much she trusts you, but you don’t think she understands the meaning of confidentiality. Explain that it means she should not be telling you -- or anyone else -- anything covered by that nondisclosure agreement. She may recall how easily secrets spread when she was a kid. One person would tell another something and they would promise not to share it, yet somehow it sped along a communication path until everyone knew about it. The same happens with adults.

When you violate an NDA, you run the risk of being sued, losing your job or both. Encourage her to keep protected information to herself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)