DEAR HARRIETTE: There is an ongoing issue in my relationship that involves a recurring conflict over holiday traditions. My boyfriend is passionate about us celebrating every holiday with his extended family, which often means missing out on traditions that are important to me. For instance, last Christmas, while he was busy with his family’s big holiday feast, I missed our annual tradition of baking gingerbread cookies with my nieces and nephews. He always RSVPs for both of us without consulting me, so it leaves me no choice.

I’ve tried to find compromises, like suggesting we alternate holidays or have a smaller celebration with my family, but he’s adamant about sticking to his family’s customs. I don’t want to seem like I’m being difficult, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m constantly sacrificing my own traditions. How can I shake this feeling that I’m losing out every time? -- Missing Holiday Harmony

DEAR MISSING HOLIDAY HARMONY: It’s time for you to put your foot down. You do not have to honor a commitment that was made without your consent. That's his mess to untangle, not yours. Gently inform your boyfriend that you will not be able to attend every one of his family’s activities. Choose the ones of yours that you will recommit to attending, like baking cookies. Make it clear that you need to spend time with your family on special occasions, too. This is not a criticism of his family. It is an affirmation of yours.

It will be interesting to see how he responds to your change in attitude and behavior. In order for a relationship to grow, the two of you have to be willing to compromise and support each other. If he is unwilling to do that, you may find yourselves drifting apart.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m struggling with the pressure of maintaining a vibrant social life while dealing with chronic fatigue. I used to be the first to RSVP to gatherings. I was the life of the party -- always looking forward to weekends full of laughter and shared stories. Just a few months ago, I remember a friend’s birthday bash where I was eagerly participating in games and dancing until late. Now, it feels like I’m constantly running on empty, and simple tasks like getting ready for an evening out can feel overwhelmingly exhausting. Last week, I had to cancel on attending a friend’s birthday party -- a celebration I had been looking forward to for weeks -- because I was simply too drained. I hate the feeling of letting my friends down and missing out on special moments. I’m at a loss about how to manage my social commitments without feeling like I’m falling short. -- Fatigued but Social

DEAR FATIGUED BUT SOCIAL: It sounds like you need to go to the doctor and have a complete physical. Make sure that there is no underlying health issue that you are fighting without realizing it. It could be that you simply need more rest and must learn to balance your time so that you are not pushing without replenishing yourself -- but you need to find out.

Take a look at your social calendar. How many nights in a week do you typically go out? How often do you schedule in rest? What do you eat? How do you take care of yourself? It is time to reset and prioritize your health. This may mean that you stop agreeing to do everything. Be more selective. You don’t have to attend every event to demonstrate that you love your friends.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been invited to a high-profile event by an old friend I haven’t seen in years. It’s a fantastic opportunity, but there’s a bit of a catch: The event is in a city I’m uncomfortable traveling to alone due to safety concerns. I’m in my early 40s now and find that I’m more cautious about such things than I used to be.

While I’m tempted to decline the invitation to avoid the stress of navigating a new city alone, I don’t want to come off as indifferent or uninterested in reconnecting with my friend. How should I approach this situation? I want to express my concerns honestly but also ensure I don’t hurt my friend’s feelings or seem like I’m brushing off the invitation. Thank you in advance. -- Safety-Conscious Friend

DEAR SAFETY-CONSCIOUS FRIEND: Be honest with your friend. Express your trepidation about traveling solo, and talk to them about creative solutions. Can you possibly meet up with them upon arrival, or even meet where they live and travel to the event together? Beyond that, you can contact the concierge of your hotel to ask for a companion to help you plan out your schedule and possibly go places with you. This costs more, but it is a service that is available in some places. The point is that you should go. Just find ways to protect yourself that start with telling your friend the truth.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m finding it hard to decide whether to attend a destination wedding for a close friend who’s like family to me. I am truly excited, and I know it would be a fun gathering. The trip would cost around $1,000, and while I could manage to cover it, I know it would put me in a really tight financial spot for months to come. I genuinely want to be there for her, but I’m worried about the long-term strain on my finances. How can I discuss this with her without hurting her feelings or making it seem like I don’t care? -- Tight Budget

DEAR TIGHT BUDGET: What nobody tells you is that at a certain age, many people in your friend group will start to get married, which means you actually need a wedding fund to pay for attending these special events and buying gifts for the various couples. The expectation is that you should attend as many of your close friends’ weddings as you can -- and be able to afford it. Unrealistic? Sometimes.

My recommendation is that you look at your overall budget carefully and also at your friend group. Are there more weddings likely in the near future? It would be wise to plan for the big picture if you can. If you can swing it, go to this wedding. Be frugal while there, and be willing to pinch pennies for a while for the next few months.

You can also talk to your friend. Perhaps she knows of other people attending the wedding who might want to share a room to lower costs or even stay with you at a different hotel. If none of that works, be honest with her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received an incredible job offer from one of the top companies to work for in the United States. This opportunity is a huge milestone in my career; it’s something I’ve worked really hard for over the years. I was thrilled when I got the news and couldn’t wait to share it with the people closest to me. However, when I told my best friend about the job offer, her reaction was not what I expected. She has been struggling to find a job for quite some time, especially in this tough economy. I know how hard it’s been for her -- she’s been applying everywhere, going to interviews and dealing with the stress and disappointment that come with job hunting.

I tried to be sensitive when I shared my news, but ever since that conversation, she’s completely withdrawn from me. She hasn’t spoken to me at all, and I can tell she’s been avoiding me. It’s really hurtful; she’s someone I’ve always been able to rely on for support, and I thought she’d at least be happy for me, even if she’s going through a rough patch herself. I understand that she might be feeling down or even envious, but I miss her, and I don’t want this to come between us. Do I leave her alone and let her reach out to me on her own or continue to try to keep in contact with her? -- Jealousy

DEAR JEALOUSY: Your friend is scared about her future and jealous of your success. You cannot solve this for her. As hurtful as this moment is, you have to concentrate on the next phase of your life so that you are ready for your new job. You can also be compassionate toward your friend. Since she does not want to talk right now, consider writing her a letter expressing your love and gratitude for her and her friendship. Remind her of how much you care about her and want the best for her. Tell her you are there for her when she is ready to reconnect.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a tough spot with my best friend of 12 years. She’ll turn 18 in two months, and she wants to celebrate by going mountain climbing. She’s made it clear that she really wants me to join -- saying it’s the least I can do for our friendship. The problem is, I have a severe fear of heights, and I can’t imagine climbing a mountain; she is aware of this. I haven’t even asked where the location is yet because I’m so anxious about the idea. I’m afraid that if I don’t go, it could end our friendship -- which she has clearly implied -- but the thought of facing my fear in such a way is overwhelming. How can I get through to her how difficult this is for me? -- Afraid of Heights

DEAR AFRAID OF HEIGHTS: Your friend is being extremely insensitive by trying to force you to do something that causes you great fear. Yes, it’s thoughtful that she wants to push you out of your comfort zone, but threatening to end your friendship if you don’t climb a mountain is going too far. It could be unsafe for you to do that without preparation and confidence. Tell her you love her, but you cannot go. If this is a deal-breaker for her, maybe she isn’t really your friend.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)