DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling frustrated with my brother’s girlfriend, and I could use your perspective. “Sally” often stays over at our house, especially on days when she doesn’t have classes, as she’s about to graduate college. Meanwhile, my brother “Bill” is already working, and he covers all of the household expenses since our parents are retired.

My issue is that Sally rarely interacts with the rest of the family and mostly keeps to herself, only talking to Bill. This makes it feel like the house is more of an apartment for her rather than our family home. Additionally, I suspect she’s influencing my brother to limit his financial support to just the household expenses, forbidding him to spoil us with gifts, which he used to do. I’m feeling irritated but questioning if my feelings are justified. Should I be more understanding of Sally’s situation? Maybe she is just shy and introverted? Or is it reasonable for me to feel this way? -- Annoyed Sister

DEAR ANNOYED SISTER: Why don’t you take steps to include Sally in family activities? She may not feel as welcome as you imagine. Inviting her to be part of whatever you are doing is a positive step that should make her feel welcomed by all.

As far as how your brother spends money, it could also be that he is saving money and, therefore, spending less. Having the full financial responsibility for the family is huge. Don’t be upset that the gifts are less frequent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have identical twin boys who are about to start preschool in the fall. Their attachment is so strong that they often refuse to be apart, even for short periods. While I love how close they are, I’ve started to wonder if it might be beneficial for their development to experience some time apart. I think that placing them in separate classrooms at preschool might help them develop a sense of individuality and independence, which is something I think will be important for them as they grow older. I worry that if they continue to be so closely tied to each other, they might miss out on opportunities to build their own identities, make new friends and explore their own interests.

My husband, on the other hand, isn’t on board with this idea. He feels that separating our sons at such a young age could cause unnecessary stress and anxiety, both for the boys and for us as parents. He believes that their bond is something special that shouldn’t be disrupted, especially when they’re still so young and about to face the new and potentially overwhelming experience of starting school. How can we make this decision in a way that supports our boys’ growth without causing unnecessary tension in our family? -- Separate the Twins

DEAR SEPARATE THE TWINS: Talk to the school psychologist or their teacher. Express your concerns, making it clear what you know about your boys. Ask their opinion and if they have worked with twins before. My thought is that once the boys are in the company of other children, they will naturally gravitate to others and slowly expand their social network.

All kinds of dynamics occur with siblings and twins. You cannot control how they develop, but you can watch closely and support them as they grow. There are many studies and a number of books that explore this topic. Start reading.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister’s fiance recently broke off their engagement, and she is absolutely devastated. They had been together for five years, and their relationship seemed solid. They had been planning their wedding for the past year, with invitations sent out, deposits paid and countless hours spent preparing for what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of their lives. However, out of the blue, her fiance told her that he couldn’t go through with it. He said he didn’t want to feel tied down to someone for the rest of his life and that he needed to be free to pursue his own interests and ambitions without feeling the constraints of a lifelong commitment.

My sister feels betrayed, rejected and deeply hurt. Not only is she dealing with the pain of losing someone she loves, but she is also facing the embarrassment and logistical nightmare of calling off a wedding. She has had to inform friends and family, cancel vendors and try to recover deposits where possible, all while managing her grief. As her sibling, I want to support her in any way I can, but I’m not sure what the best approach is. How can I help my sister through this difficult time? -- Jilted Sister

DEAR JILTED SISTER: Be present for your sister without asking too many questions. Offer to help tie up some of the logistical details. Help her develop a statement to tell others if she needs that. Spend time with her. Be a good listener without passing judgment. Allow her to vent, cry, scream -- whatever comes up. Be her safe space during this tender period.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and I, along with our families, live in separate cities, so we don't get to see each other often. Despite the distance, we maintain a close relationship and try to stay in touch regularly through phone calls and texts. We also make an effort to visit each other a few times a year so our children can spend time with their cousins. Recently, my daughters and I went to our local zoo for a fun day out. To our surprise, while we were there, we unexpectedly ran into my brother, his wife and their children. They were in town for what appeared to be a family trip, and I had no idea that they were visiting. I was stunned and felt an immediate rush of emotions, mostly hurt and disappointment. It felt like a deliberate exclusion, and I couldn't understand why he would choose not to inform me about their visit. How should I address this situation with my brother? Is it unreasonable for me to feel hurt and disappointed, or am I overreacting? -- Snubbed

DEAR SNUBBED: It is perfectly understandable that you would have expected your brother to let you know that he was coming to town. It is odd that he didn’t mention it. Follow up with him and ask him directly why he didn’t reach out to you. Tell him how stunned you were to see him and his family at the zoo. While he has every right to do whatever he pleases, you don’t understand why he would not have contacted you. Ask him if there’s something going on between you of which you are unaware. Tell him you want to understand, as seeing them hurt your feelings deeply.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 21-year-old woman, and I am feeling increasingly stressed and overwhelmed about my parents' low savings. Over the past few years, my mom and dad have been making it known to me and my siblings that they have very little savings and are unsure if they will ever be able to retire. This revelation has created a significant amount of anxiety and pressure for all of us.

My parents have always worked hard to provide for our family, but it seems that despite their efforts, they have not been able to save enough for their retirement.

My dad has been particularly vocal about their financial struggles, often expressing his concerns about the future. He has mentioned several times that he and my mom might have to rely on me and my two sisters for financial support as they grow older. This has been a huge burden for us to bear, especially since my sisters and I are just starting our careers and are not in high-paying fields. I am struggling to find a balance between being supportive and protecting my own mental and financial well-being. How can I communicate my feelings to my parents without making them feel worse about their situation? -- Parental Burden

DEAR PARENTAL BURDEN: Encourage your parents to talk to a financial planner to help them strategize for their future. They need to assess what they will have and how far they can stretch it; perhaps they need to downsize and move to a more affordable area or sell off some items of value that they own. Unfortunately, more and more Americans are finding themselves unable to retire when they reach retirement age. This is a reality many will have to face. It may mean that your parents will have to continue working past their desired retirement time.

Of course you want to help your parents, but you should be direct with them, explaining that you are just starting out and have no resources. You are not in a position to support them today and do not know when you will be able to do so. You need them to focus on forging their own path while they still can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in my final year of law school, and I also work part-time as a tutor in an agency. I’ve been offered a significant promotion at my tutoring job, which would mean more hours and a higher pay rate. However, the promotion comes at a time when my coursework is particularly intense, with several major projects and exams coming up. The promotion is a great opportunity, and the money is urgently needed, but I’m concerned that taking on the extra hours might impact my ability to perform well in my classes. On the other hand, the additional income would be a huge help and could ease some financial pressures. There is a chance that if I accept the promotion, it would jeopardize my academic performance. What strategies can I use to make my decision? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Given how much your company values you, they may be willing to work with you on the timing of accepting the promotion. Explain to your boss that you appreciate, want and need the promotion, but you would like to delay it for a period of time so that you can get through your projects and exams. Express your desire for the role and your intention to be responsible and effective at the job. Ask for a bit more time so that you can fulfill your obligations at school.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)