DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend is graduating, and I wonder if I should go to the ceremony to congratulate him. “Rem” and I were in a relationship from high school until the end of freshman year in college. We made a pact to attend each other’s college graduations wearing our favorite color, blue, with me in a dress and him in a tie.

Rem and I went to different colleges, and we drifted apart due to the distance. Eventually, we had a bad breakup. He tried to pursue me for six months, constantly messaging to get back together, and I ended up having to block him on social media. We have had no contact since.

Unlike Rem, whose family supports him financially, I had to stop attending college to fend for myself. I know he is graduating because we have a mutual friend on Facebook, and I also know he has a new girlfriend. I am in a healthy relationship right now, and I am planning to re-enroll in school next year. I’m wondering if I should go to his graduation ceremony and keep the promise we made or ignore it. I don’t want to appear as an obsessive ex or make his new girlfriend uncomfortable. On the other hand, he was a big part of my younger years, and I would like to congratulate him on his success. -- No Bad Intentions

DEAR NO BAD INTENTIONS: If you have a way of reaching out to your ex, contact him. Congratulate him on his upcoming graduation and ask him how he’s doing. Allow him to introduce whether he wants you to attend or do anything you had agreed on many years ago. Reaching out may be all he needs to feel honored on his special day. Do not show up unannounced, though. That could cause unnecessary conflict.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work at a local pastry shop as one of the cashiers, and I have discovered that someone is stealing. The missing money is being recorded as “pastries not sold.” Although this hasn’t affected the wages of other workers, it has created additional work for our manager, I’m unsure whether to report the theft or turn a blind eye. The person I witnessed stealing is one of our new crew, a single mother with four young children. I feel a lot of pity for her situation. Despite this, I can’t decide between doing what is right and addressing the theft or choosing not to report it due to my sympathy for her. I would appreciate your perspective on whether I should report this issue or handle it differently. -- Ethical Choice

DEAR ETHICAL CHOICE: Speak to the new employee privately. Tell her that you observed her stealing and wanted to let her know. Tell her you are obligated to report it if she does it again. Ask her if she is OK, if she needs support and how you might be able to support her. In this way, she will know that you care, but also that theft is not tolerated. If she does it again, you need to report it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 30-year-old woman, and my mom recently passed away. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of her, and I don't know how I am going to get through the holiday season without her. My mom brought so much joy to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and she was the heart of our family's celebrations. The thought of facing these holidays without her fills me with an overwhelming sense of sadness and emptiness. I miss her laugh, her cooking and the way she made every moment special. Our family traditions feel hollow without her presence, and I find myself dreading the upcoming celebrations that used to be my favorite times of the year.

I've tried to stay busy and have surrounded myself with loved ones, but it's hard to shake the feeling of loss. I worry that I'll never be able to enjoy the holidays again without her. Do you have any advice on how I can get through this difficult time and find a way to honor my mom's memory while coping with the grief of her absence? -- Missing Mom

DEAR MISSING MOM: It’s good that you are thinking ahead, even though right now it is with dread. You can benefit from grief counseling. This specific type of therapy helps you to talk through your loss and process how you are feeling, what your mother meant to you and how you can reframe your understanding of her as you live your life. Losing your mom is huge, and it clearly has left a devastatingly large hole in your spirit. Work with a professional to help you heal that wound, and figure out ways to honor your mother as you also move forward through life.

You may consider establishing a ritual in honor of your mother, in which you remember her and gather others to sing her praises. Allow yourself to welcome your mother’s voice as you go through life. My father has been gone 25 years, and I still regularly hear him giving me advice about this or that as if he were right here. I welcome that now. Over time, you may, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My close friend recently went through a divorce, and that has been causing her a lot of stress. She’s been feeling overwhelmed and often calls me to vent or seek advice. I want to be there for her, but I’ve been juggling a heavy workload at my job and have limited free time. I’ve been trying to offer support through quick texts and occasional calls, but I feel like I’m not being as present or helpful as I’d like to be. I’m also worried that if I try to spend more time helping her, it might affect my own work and personal commitments. How can I support my friend more during this time without compromising my own responsibilities? -- Friend in Need of Support

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED OF SUPPORT: Hopefully your friend will not be in emotional crisis mode forever. This period is tender for her, and it is great for you to be there as much as you can, but establish boundaries. Carve out a particular amount of time each week that you can focus on her. If you can truly zoom in on her uninterrupted for a certain amount of time, she will grow to appreciate that and better understand when you are not available. In this way, you can tend to yourself and be there to support her as well.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend, “Cindy,” who frequently brings her pet to every social gathering we have, whether it’s a dinner party, a movie night or a casual get-together. While I understand that her pet is important to her, the constant presence of the animal is starting to make some of our gatherings uncomfortable for the rest of us, particularly those who are allergic or have phobias. I’ve tried to address this delicately by suggesting pet-free events or offering alternative solutions, but Cindy seems to be resistant to the idea and insists that her pet should be included in all activities. Is there any other approach I should try before officially cutting her from the invite list? -- Pet-Permeated Parties

DEAR PET-PERMEATED PARTIES: Unless your friend’s pet is a service animal that has been prescribed to help her cope with life, you have the right to decide whether the dog is invited. You need to be direct because clearly Cindy is not getting the message. Sit her down and tell her that some of your friends are dog sensitive -- due to allergy or fear or whatever else the reason may be. Add that your friend group does not feel comfortable having the dog around all the time, so you are kindly requesting that she leave the dog home sometimes. If she balks, tell her that she may be excluded from certain activities if the group wants it to be a pet-free zone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: To the letter-writer “New Teacher,” regarding helping bullied students: As a teacher, I always knew the reliable, responsible students in my classes. Some of those were definitely not the best students academically, but they were high on the social ladder and well-respected by their peers. I would speak to those students, confidentially, and point out how it felt to be belittled. ALL children know that feeling. I told those students that I didn’t expect them to fight the bullied child’s battles, but that it would be helpful to show their disapproval to the bullying by saying, “Hey, leave her/him alone!” Sometimes just walking to the next class together provided relief. Additionally, I found that helping the bullied child helped the helper as well. -- 37 Years in Public Schools

DEAR 37 YEARS IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS: What a great tip. Engage other students to support the outlier! Here’s another response to “New Teacher”:

DEAR HARRIETTE: In my state, all teachers are mandated reporters. If there is any suspicion that a child is being mistreated, the teacher is required to file a report, after which an investigation is performed. Training in when and how to report is required before a prospective teacher is allowed to become an instructor in the classroom. This teacher should report the suspicion to the appropriate people. If they are not sure where to report, the school’s principal is the place to begin the process. The reporting should not be delayed. -- Report It

DEAR REPORT IT: This is important advice. Filing a report can help to launch an investigation. I will add to please look out for the victim even more as increased attention to the situation could make that child feel even more uncomfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)