DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received a text from my oldest son, 46, who is in therapy and wants me to apologize for the various house moves we made when my three children were young. His father left me for another woman, we divorced, and I struggled to raise the three kids with very little child support. I worked full-time, but the wages weren't the best. It was a difficult time in my life, and I did the best I could. I was always successful at my jobs, and I put my kids first at all opportunities. At one point, we moved to another state when taking a new job allowed me to double my income, which helped.

My son served 20 years in the USAF, won many awards and retired in good standing. Yet, he says he's now struggling with the various home and community moves we made in his childhood, saying it affected his social ability, and asked me to apologize. I am somewhat stunned. He is a strong believer in God and now has a great wife, though there are issues with his ex-wife over custody of their children (it's 50-50).

While I said I was sorry for what he was dealing with now and that he should continue with therapy, how can I apologize for the things that were beyond my control back then? While I am sorry he's hurting, I did what I had to do to keep my head above water as a single mother. I'm in my early 70s now and single. This request surprises me, and I don't want to alienate my son. We live in different states. I somewhat resent being blamed now for what happened so many decades ago, but my heart goes out to my son, of course. Your thoughts? -- Puzzled Mother

DEAR PUZZLED MOTHER: Your sincere apology for what you couldn't control will go a long way. All of you were hurting back then. Sadly, what happens when children are young often remains an imprint on their lives forever. Your son needs to know you did not want to hurt him. There was a lot of pain back then. You did your best, and you too are sad that it wasn't enough to shield him from pain.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would add an extra layer to your answer to Granddaughter, who wanted her ailing grandmother to live with her. As one who is caring for an elderly parent, I'm not sure the writer really understands what's involved. Has she spoken with her grandmother's doctors to find out what level of care they recommend? Is her grandmother mobile? Continent? Does she require skilled nursing? Does she suffer from cognitive decline? Does she wander and get lost on her own and need 24-hour supervision?

She may need a skilled nursing facility, not to share a home with someone who lacks the experience and skills she needs for proper care. The grandmother will only get worse as time goes on, and living with the granddaughter might not be the best solution for the grandmother. -- Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thanks for your insight. Consulting the medical team is a great way to gain perspective on next steps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just accepted a job that will allow me to move from the U.S. to France. I couldn't pass it up, as it allows me to advance my career significantly. My whole family of five now needs to move across the world to a country where only I speak the language. My spouse and children are excited but also anxious about the transition. We are particularly concerned about the language barrier, cultural differences, and how my children will adapt to a new educational system. They are 6, 8 and 10 years old and will need to learn French quickly to keep up in school, so we want to ensure they have the support they need.

Additionally, our extended family on my husband's side is extremely upset at me for taking their grandchildren away from them for the unforeseeable future. How can we prepare for this move to make the transition as smooth as possible for everyone, including our extended families? -- Making a Move

DEAR MAKING A MOVE: While moving abroad is not easy, at least not at first, it can be a wonderful experience for everyone. Your children are young, so chances are good that they will learn French pretty quickly. You can start them on lessons now to give them a head start. Get them a tutor if they need help in the transition when you first arrive. Trust that they will acclimate over time.

For your extended family, schedule weekly video calls so that you all stay in touch, especially the kids and their grandparents. If possible, plan a visit where they can come to see all of you and explore the country themselves. Also plan visits back home, at least once a year if possible. It can be during holiday season or off season to make it more affordable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past year, I've developed a great friendship with my college dorm roommate, and we've shared a lot of good times together. However, there's one significant issue that's been weighing heavily on my mind: My roommate doesn't know that I'm gay, and I suspect he might be homophobic. Living together has been mentally exhausting because I feel like I have to hide a part of myself to avoid any potential judgment or conflict.

There have been instances where I've had to act more masculine than I naturally am, just to fit in and avoid any discomfort. One time, my roommate even brought two girls over for a blind date, which made me feel even more conflicted about my situation. I genuinely like my roommate and value our friendship, but I'm seriously considering requesting a new room before the school year starts. Continuing to hide who I am feels like I'm betraying myself, and it is a chore. Should I switch rooms? -- In the Closet

DEAR IN THE CLOSET: You do not need to be in the closet with your roommate, especially if you have the option of moving out if he reacts badly. You deserve to live an honest life. Learning how to accept yourself for who you are and sharing that with others can be difficult, but you are at the stage in life of becoming an adult. You are responsible for yourself. Tell your roommate who you are. Make sure he understands that you are not romantically interested in him and that you are happy to switch rooms if he can’t handle it. Talk it out and see where things land. You may be pleasantly surprised by his acceptance. If not, it's time to realize that he does not deserve your friendship and move out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a confusing encounter with a guy I met on Bumble. We hit it off during our conversations, and he seemed like a great match -- respectful, attentive and genuinely interested. However, things took an unexpected turn when I coincidentally bumped into him at a coffee shop in a city neither of us lives in. To my surprise, he was with his ex-girlfriend. I approached them, said hi and noticed that he seemed uncomfortable and stiff. He said they were having coffee and catching up. Later, he reached out to me, but now I'm hesitant. He's still in touch with his ex and close to her family, which makes me question his intentions. As someone who's never been in a relationship before, I'm wondering if it's even worth replying or if I should just let it go and move on? -- No Boyfriend Since Birth

DEAR NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BIRTH: You don’t have to cut him off yet. Listen to him. Find out what is going on in his life. What was his relationship with his ex? How long was it? When did it end? Why was he with her when you saw them? What are his intentions with her? What are his intentions with you?

You cannot expect this new person in your life to have no bonds with others, but you do want to make sure he is emotionally available to explore a relationship with you. Listen to what he says and observe what he does to see if he is looking for the same things you want. You have to be clear about what you want in order to recognize whether he matches your desires.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know this might sound cliched, but I'm in a bit of a complicated situation. My family moved into a new neighborhood about two years ago, and since then, I've developed romantic feelings for my soon-to-be stepsister. She's the daughter of our neighbor, who is a widow; my father, who is divorced, has been dating her mother. We’re both 18. I like this girl a lot, but I have no intention of acting on these feelings, especially with the new family dynamic. I can't help but feel disappointed about my father and her mother dating. Is there a way to get rid of these unwanted feelings? I’d like to avoid ugly situations and discomfort. -- Girl Next Door

DEAR GIRL NEXT DOOR: Talk to your father. Reveal the truth to him. Express how unfortunate you feel the situation is, since both of you fell for the women in that family. Tell your father your intention to keep it platonic but also how hard you think it is going to be to manage your feelings, especially if you all start living under one roof.

Please know that your father will not have a magic wand to make things better, but he is the adult in this situation, and he should understand what you are going through. Together you can talk about your reality and figure out a way forward. You are old enough to live on your own, so keep that in mind as an option.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)