DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a 20-year-old who has been in a relationship for two years. My boyfriend has always been supportive and follows my lead in many aspects of our lives together, from the food we order to the places we visit. He even chose to attend the same college as me because he does not know what he wants yet. Initially, I appreciated his consideration for my preferences, but things clicked into place when I met his family. In his household, his mother is the breadwinner, and his father defers to her for all major decisions. She controls the finances, and everyone seeks her permission for everything. The possibility of that being my future makes me feel exhausted already.

My boyfriend did mention once that the reason he and his ex-girlfriend broke up was because she is the type to be submissive and didn’t have an opinion on anything. I didn’t think much of that. I wonder if this is a valid reason to consider breaking up, or if I'm unfairly judging him based on his family's dynamics. Could he eventually become like his father, or am I overthinking things? -- Making Assumptions

DEAR MAKING ASSUMPTIONS: It sounds like your boyfriend is like his father already. Further, he has told you that when he was in a relationship with someone who did not take charge, he was lost. The question is whether you can accept being in a relationship with someone who needs you to be in charge. That isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it is real. You may be able to teach him how to take charge of certain things. Partners are “trainable,” so to speak, in the sense of learning how to adapt to their partner and be in sync with them, but your boyfriend has shown you who he is. Believe it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My spouse and I were profoundly disturbed by the letter from "Overstaying Daughter's Friend" and your response to it. Both of us experienced severe abuse as children, including neglect and molestation. Consequently, we immediately recognized signs that this teenage girl might be seeking safety and refuge with this family.

Your advice to contact the girl's parents, without first ensuring the girl's safety, could potentially expose her to further abuse. We strongly urge you to reconsider and address this matter with greater sensitivity and awareness of potential child abuse. It is imperative to provide guidance that prioritizes the girl's well-being and ensures she is not placed in harm's way. Please follow up and take steps to ensure her safety, as we truly believe she could be in danger. -- Disturbed

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently moved out of my parents' house to rent my own place. My decision was partly influenced by my father's obsessive-compulsive disorder, which has become increasingly difficult for me to handle. My mother has lived in a different state for her work for a year now, and I am an only child. While I know he can manage on his own, I feel guilty and conflicted about leaving him alone. His behavior -- such as constantly checking things and insisting on specific routines -- has worn me down over the years, not to mention his extreme anger when things do not go his way. How can I cope with the guilt of leaving my father alone while prioritizing my own well-being and mental health? -- Growing Up With OCD

DEAR GROWING UP WITH OCD: At this stage in your life, you are not responsible for your father, even though you love him. You should talk to your mother and explain the situation. I’m sure she will understand, considering that she herself left to work elsewhere. While she probably did need to take a job, leaving you to fend for yourself with your father was not the most compassionate action on her part.

You deserve to build your own life. Continue to communicate with your father, but find relief in having your own place. As long as your father is not in physical danger, you should allow yourself to live your life. If he ever gets to a dangerous point, that’s when you call your mother and get medical intervention. Studies suggest that children of parents with OCD can suffer from mental health challenges including anxiety and depression. See a mental health professional for yourself to help you work through this challenging time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m writing as a younger sister who's feeling a bit stuck in my relationship with my older sister. Growing up, I've always been envious of my friends' older sisters who seemed to effortlessly provide support and guidance. They gave their sisters things for free, taught them skills like shaping their brows and even let them borrow clothes. In contrast, my sister never did any of that. Instead, she often made me feel like I didn't belong in her space, subtly excluding me. We're only two years apart, and now that we're both in college and still living under the same roof, I want to try to develop a mature relationship with her. How can I approach her and build a better connection without feeling resentful or ignored? -- Wanting a Sibling Bond

DEAR WANTING A SIBLINGS BOND: I have two sisters, including one who is two years older than I am. For years, I wanted the relationship that you are seeking, but ours was more competitive, and sometimes hostile, until recent years. The good news is that we now are close and growing closer. I want to recommend patience and acceptance. Do your best to meet your sister where she is. She is not one of your friends’ sisters. She is herself. Pay attention to her and what makes her tick. What makes her happy? What makes you happy? Ask for what you want in your relationship with her, but don’t ask in anger or frustration. See what happens.

Over time, your relationship may change, but this won’t work if you give in to emotion. Build your life with other friends who support you, and trust that your bond with your sister will evolve.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been best friends with "Sam" since high school. Recently, our friendship has been strained because when I got drunk on a Friday night out, I unintentionally shared a private story about her with our mutual friends. Sam is an anxious person, and her discovery of being adopted is a big deal for her. Her adoptive parents are not yet aware that she knows. When our friends discussed it the following morning, Sam felt betrayed and has been distant ever since, despite my sincere apologies. How can I fix things between us after this big trust slip-up? It was the alcohol talking. -- Yapping Tongue

DEAR YAPPING TONGUE: Ask to sit down with her. When face to face, remind her of how much you love and respect her. Apologize again for revealing her secret. Admit that you know it was a betrayal of the deepest kind. While you know that you shared it because you were drunk, you also know that being drunk is a horrible excuse. You should have each other’s back no matter what. No substance or situation should provoke you to break her confidence.

In time, she may forgive you. In the meantime, you need to take a hard look at yourself. How often do you get drunk? Have you divulged a confidence when drunk in the past? Do you need to monitor your drinking? Be honest with yourself, and proceed accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am one of seven kids, and we have always been short on money. One of my extended relatives used to help us out occasionally -- by giving us used items we didn’t have and some money on birthdays in exchange for babysitting their kids and allowing us to tag along on vacations sometimes -- but I always felt it was more out of pity than familial support. Now that our financial situation is improving as most of us siblings have graduated and are working, we've started hearing hurtful comments from this relative and their family, who seem to look down on us. They are not aware that we know. They attend our family gatherings uninvited, despite our attempts to distance ourselves due to their toxic behavior. How can we cut ties with this extended family without coming across as arrogant or ungrateful for their past help? -- Improving Life Little by Little

DEAR IMPROVING LIFE LITTLE BY LITTLE: If you have the courage, invite this relative to meet with you. Thank the person for their help for your family over the years. Note that you are grateful that your family’s situation is improving. Then say that you are aware that this person has been bad-mouthing you and your family to others, and describe how much that hurts you. It was obvious that your family was struggling some years ago. While it was nice of them to help out, knowing now that they were passing judgment on you is a special kind of hurt. Ask them to stop. If they react poorly, tell them that you need some time away from them for now. That should be a hint that they are not invited to the next party.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)