DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently moved out of my parents' house to rent my own place. My decision was partly influenced by my father's obsessive-compulsive disorder, which has become increasingly difficult for me to handle. My mother has lived in a different state for her work for a year now, and I am an only child. While I know he can manage on his own, I feel guilty and conflicted about leaving him alone. His behavior -- such as constantly checking things and insisting on specific routines -- has worn me down over the years, not to mention his extreme anger when things do not go his way. How can I cope with the guilt of leaving my father alone while prioritizing my own well-being and mental health? -- Growing Up With OCD

DEAR GROWING UP WITH OCD: At this stage in your life, you are not responsible for your father, even though you love him. You should talk to your mother and explain the situation. I’m sure she will understand, considering that she herself left to work elsewhere. While she probably did need to take a job, leaving you to fend for yourself with your father was not the most compassionate action on her part.

You deserve to build your own life. Continue to communicate with your father, but find relief in having your own place. As long as your father is not in physical danger, you should allow yourself to live your life. If he ever gets to a dangerous point, that’s when you call your mother and get medical intervention. Studies suggest that children of parents with OCD can suffer from mental health challenges including anxiety and depression. See a mental health professional for yourself to help you work through this challenging time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m writing as a younger sister who's feeling a bit stuck in my relationship with my older sister. Growing up, I've always been envious of my friends' older sisters who seemed to effortlessly provide support and guidance. They gave their sisters things for free, taught them skills like shaping their brows and even let them borrow clothes. In contrast, my sister never did any of that. Instead, she often made me feel like I didn't belong in her space, subtly excluding me. We're only two years apart, and now that we're both in college and still living under the same roof, I want to try to develop a mature relationship with her. How can I approach her and build a better connection without feeling resentful or ignored? -- Wanting a Sibling Bond

DEAR WANTING A SIBLINGS BOND: I have two sisters, including one who is two years older than I am. For years, I wanted the relationship that you are seeking, but ours was more competitive, and sometimes hostile, until recent years. The good news is that we now are close and growing closer. I want to recommend patience and acceptance. Do your best to meet your sister where she is. She is not one of your friends’ sisters. She is herself. Pay attention to her and what makes her tick. What makes her happy? What makes you happy? Ask for what you want in your relationship with her, but don’t ask in anger or frustration. See what happens.

Over time, your relationship may change, but this won’t work if you give in to emotion. Build your life with other friends who support you, and trust that your bond with your sister will evolve.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been best friends with "Sam" since high school. Recently, our friendship has been strained because when I got drunk on a Friday night out, I unintentionally shared a private story about her with our mutual friends. Sam is an anxious person, and her discovery of being adopted is a big deal for her. Her adoptive parents are not yet aware that she knows. When our friends discussed it the following morning, Sam felt betrayed and has been distant ever since, despite my sincere apologies. How can I fix things between us after this big trust slip-up? It was the alcohol talking. -- Yapping Tongue

DEAR YAPPING TONGUE: Ask to sit down with her. When face to face, remind her of how much you love and respect her. Apologize again for revealing her secret. Admit that you know it was a betrayal of the deepest kind. While you know that you shared it because you were drunk, you also know that being drunk is a horrible excuse. You should have each other’s back no matter what. No substance or situation should provoke you to break her confidence.

In time, she may forgive you. In the meantime, you need to take a hard look at yourself. How often do you get drunk? Have you divulged a confidence when drunk in the past? Do you need to monitor your drinking? Be honest with yourself, and proceed accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am one of seven kids, and we have always been short on money. One of my extended relatives used to help us out occasionally -- by giving us used items we didn’t have and some money on birthdays in exchange for babysitting their kids and allowing us to tag along on vacations sometimes -- but I always felt it was more out of pity than familial support. Now that our financial situation is improving as most of us siblings have graduated and are working, we've started hearing hurtful comments from this relative and their family, who seem to look down on us. They are not aware that we know. They attend our family gatherings uninvited, despite our attempts to distance ourselves due to their toxic behavior. How can we cut ties with this extended family without coming across as arrogant or ungrateful for their past help? -- Improving Life Little by Little

DEAR IMPROVING LIFE LITTLE BY LITTLE: If you have the courage, invite this relative to meet with you. Thank the person for their help for your family over the years. Note that you are grateful that your family’s situation is improving. Then say that you are aware that this person has been bad-mouthing you and your family to others, and describe how much that hurts you. It was obvious that your family was struggling some years ago. While it was nice of them to help out, knowing now that they were passing judgment on you is a special kind of hurt. Ask them to stop. If they react poorly, tell them that you need some time away from them for now. That should be a hint that they are not invited to the next party.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Since my divorce, my 14-year-old son has been distant and openly disrespectful. He believes it's my fault that his father and I split up. In reality, I discovered that my ex-husband had been paying women for sexual favors, and I was disgusted and felt betrayed. Despite this, I haven't told my son the real reason for our separation because I want him to continue to respect his father, who has been a great dad to him. However, given my son's recent change in behavior, I'm starting to wonder if now is the right time to reveal the truth. -- Heartfelt Guardian

DEAR HEARTFELT GUARDIAN: Your son definitely needs your attention and loving care as well as a reestablishment of boundaries. What he does not need is a revelation about his father’s bad behavior. You can explain to him that sometimes couples grow apart, no longer share the same needs or values or have other challenges that drive them to disconnect. While it may be hard for him to understand what happened to his family, both you and your ex love him and want the best for him.

What cannot work, however, is for him to continue to speak to you in a disrespectful manner. Remind him of how you taught him to interact with you and other adults, including what tone of voice is appropriate, making eye contact when talking, responding to questions, honoring time, etc. Tell him you expect him to communicate with you accordingly.

You may also want to get him a therapist who can have strategic conversations with him about his life and his future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a teacher just starting my career, I'm faced with a tough situation where I suspect one of my students is being bullied. She often sits alone at lunch and seems to avoid interactions with her classmates. I've overheard hurtful comments about her appearance and abilities, which leads me to believe she may be a target of bullying. I'm unsure about the best way to address this sensitive issue. Should I talk to this student directly about what might be happening to her, or should I seek help from school authorities to ensure she is safe and supported? Finding the balance between protecting my student and not making things worse is a challenge I'm dealing with as I learn how to support the kids in the best way possible. I teach math in middle school. -- New Teacher

DEAR NEW TEACHER: I recommend a two-pronged approach. Build a personal rapport with your student so that she knows she has an ally. Check in on her. Ask her how she is doing and if she needs anything. Do your best to get to know her, but be mindful that other students don’t observe you and take your kindness for favoritism.

Also speak to the school’s guidance counselor and ask for advice on how to protect this student. There may be antibullying measures already in place that can be engaged carefully at this time, or it could be that there’s simply another person looking out for the student in her potential times of vulnerability.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)