DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close group of six friends. “Jane” has always been tight on money, and we've often covered her expenses without much fuss, since the other five chip in. Whether it's going to movies, restaurants or clubs, it's been fine. However, things changed when she started bringing her boyfriend along; now he freeloads off of us, too. We split bills equally, but he always manages to get a free ride.

After a few outings, I gently suggested to Jane that if her boyfriend continues joining us, they should start contributing, too, as covering for two people is a strain. Her response was unexpected; she asked if we'd keep paying for her if he pitches in. With the way she responded, it dawned on me that their action has always been intentional, and my group felt quite frustrated about it. How should I approach this situation? -- Freeloader Friends

DEAR FREELOADER FRIENDS: It’s time for a heart-to-heart conversation with Jane. While it was nice that you and the rest of your friends covered for her, the fact that you never talked about it has backfired on you. She has assumed that this should be her reality with you and that her boyfriend should inherit this privilege. One or more of you needs to talk to her to explain that she should be able to take care of herself. There is no reason for you to have to pay her way -- or her boyfriend’s. Yes, it may be awkward to address this, but you must. Tell her that her free ride is over. If she decides to stop hanging out with you, sadly you will learn that she was using you the whole time. No matter what, it is time for those days to end.

DEAR HARRIETTE: “Dead Weight” wrote to you about a member of a group who was not carrying her weight on a group project. In addition to whatever subject matter they were learning about for the project, they should also realize that learning to work together is another skill they will need in the working world, and Dead Weight might want to bring that up with her group. The rest of the group might only be frustrated, but if this person behaves this way in her job after school, she won’t have it for long. -- Reality Check

DEAR REALITY CHECK: You are so right! In the so-called real world, everybody has to do their part, at least most of the time. While responsibility is not always measured equitably, it is important for all of us to understand that we need to be good on our word, meaning we actually do what we say we are going to do. We also need to be able to do our part when we are on a team.

That said, I still maintain that there will be times when we have to make up for others’ inability or unwillingness to fulfill their responsibilities. Fair or not, that’s a part of life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is upset with me for not buying him the shoes he wanted. Last Mother's Day, he got me a $20 salad bowl. Normally, I'd appreciate any gift, but then I saw what he bought for his mom, sister and cousin: The items ranged from $450 to $500 and were thoughtfully chosen. I'm usually generous and love making my loved ones happy, but this time, I was hurt that my gift was not only the cheapest, but also an impersonal household item. When I asked him about it, he said I should be grateful because it's something useful for the house. On Father's Day, I got him a nice $25 towel. When he complained and said he wanted the dress shoes he'd been eyeing, I told him, "That towel was nice and only cost $25. You should be grateful." Am I being overly petty or was it a fair response? -- Petty Housewife

DEAR PETTY HOUSEWIFE: Your “pettiness” may be the leverage you need to have a serious conversation with your husband. The gifts exchanged between you two and between him and his family are emblematic of something bigger. Why would your husband spend lavishly on his family and pinch pennies on you? Is he mad about something? What has happened in your relationship that has shut him down emotionally? That’s what you need to talk about. Press him to explain what he was thinking and why he chose to be so cold to you. Tell him that you want to know what’s going on, whatever it is. Add that you gave him the towel because your feelings were hurt. You wanted him to know how his gift made you feel.

Pivot to asking for what you want. If you desire more closeness in your marriage, say as much, and suggest what that might look like.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a well-off family. When I turned 18, my mother gave me a two-story house designed like an apartment building, with separate entries on each floor. I’m 21 now. About a year ago, my boyfriend moved in with me. I haven't asked him to pay rent or utilities, only to chip in for groceries. Last night, my downstairs tenant asked for a new shower as theirs had broken. I went down, assured them I'd arrange for a replacement, then shared this with my boyfriend. He was surprised that the tenant had approached me about the shower, and I explained that I own the building. I hadn't mentioned it earlier because he hadn't asked, and I didn't think it mattered. Now he's upset, feeling he's contributing unnecessarily given my financial situation, and he's asking for reimbursement once the tenant pays. I am legitimately confused about how to respond. -- Building Owner

DEAR BUILDING OWNER: Your boyfriend is pretty presumptuous. He should have offered to pay rent when he moved in. Regardless of who owns the building, he lives there and should be contributing to the cost of the space. That he is upset because he has contributed to groceries (and nothing more) is a huge red flag. It doesn’t matter how much money you have; he should be prepared to carry his own weight. While you two are young, you should not allow him to be a freeloader. He is not the type of partner you deserve. Don’t settle for him unless he decides to step up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every chance he gets, my boyfriend says, "I don’t have any money." He works in the fitness community, whereas I am employed in a corporate setting; I earn significantly more than him, but he has a more robust savings account.

Despite my higher income, I also have more responsibilities within my family, so I tend to spend more money. Occasionally, when my boyfriend sees me purchasing necessary items, I feel gaslighted when he mentions his own needs. Being the oldest in my family, I naturally grew up with a provider mindset, and I feel responsible for my boyfriend’s needs. I acknowledge that this may be an internal issue on my part. My question is, do you think I am being taken advantage of in this situation? -- Shared Responsibilities

DEAR SHARED RESPONSIBILITIES: Just because you earn more money does not mean that your boyfriend should expect for you to pay his bills. What the two of you need to do is talk about your relationship, including your finances. Think about your expectations of a partner in a relationship. What do you hope for in terms of what your partner will handle financially? Ask the same of him. Yes, you earn more money; that does not automatically mean that you should pay for more of the shared costs associated with your relationship.

Pause for a moment and assess the situation. Some relationships remain financially uneven. That can be fine if the two partners have an agreement about how resources will be managed. What level of commitment do you two have? Does this feel like a permanent relationship -- marriage or otherwise? If so, what level of financial contribution are you willing to accept from your partner? What are you willing to contribute?

Talk it out and make decisions based on what you can live with comfortably. Otherwise, each of you could end up silently seething in the corner while secretly wishing the other were handling the situation differently.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it normal to feel disconnected from your closest friend after college ends? “Sterie,” my best friend in college, was one of the closest friends I had. We were practically joined at the hip throughout those years, and our instructors jokingly referred to us as twins. Both of us had participated in pageants in high school and enjoyed volleyball. We related to each other more than anyone else. While she and I both tend to be picky about friends, we instantly clicked, and I even spent three months at her house during my internship because it was near her place. After college, we went our separate ways, and communicating with her on social media started to feel awkward. Is this a common experience for friends at this point in life? -- University Friends

DEAR UNIVERSITY FRIENDS: Some friends last a lifetime; others do not. It can also be true that friendships change over time. Both of you are busy right now with your lives. Perhaps your closeness has waned, but it may rekindle as time goes on. If you want to remain friends with her, tell her. Then schedule time to reach out, even if it’s brief. At least you will keep a connection. When circumstances change, perhaps your bond will become strong again. Yes, this is common. You are not alone.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)