DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently opened a new restaurant, so my family and I visited this week to show our support. From the moment we walked in, it was clear that the restaurant was struggling. The service was chaotic, and it seemed like the staff members were either undertrained or overwhelmed. At one point, one of the servers accidentally spilled water all over my daughter, which made for a very uncomfortable situation. While accidents happen, this seemed to be just one of many issues we encountered that night. The food was another major disappointment. Since it’s an Italian restaurant, we were excited to try the pizza, which is supposed to be their specialty. However, when our pizza arrived, it was cold and slightly burnt, making it almost inedible. The other dishes we ordered were bland and did not live up to our expectations.

At the end of the meal, my friend came over to our table and asked for our feedback. In the moment, not wanting to hurt her feelings, I told her everything was delicious and that we had had a great time. She seemed so happy and proud, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth. Now I’m filled with regret because I know that honest feedback is crucial for her to improve her business. I’m torn between wanting to support my friend and feeling obligated to give her the honest feedback she needs to hear. How can I tell her without hurting her feelings? -- Bad Reviews

DEAR BAD REVIEWS: A true friend tells the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, in a way that the person can hear it. You should follow up with your friend. Tell her you want to share some notes about your experience at her restaurant. With her permission, give her a list of concerns you have, accompanied by specific experiences to illustrate your point. Encourage her to get feedback from others and incorporate improvements into her restaurant so that she can be successful. This may be hard for her to hear, but you will be doing her a disservice by letting her continue to believe the lie that everything was great.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a highly religious background, and my mother holds strong beliefs. Recently, I received a free scratch-off lottery ticket at a gas station and ended up winning $400. Excited, I shared the news with my mother and asked her to come with me to claim it, only to be met with her refusal to accept the money due to religious reasons. She believes that gambling is associated with evil. How do I reason with her so I can get the payout? I’m 16. -- Want a Payout

DEAR WANT A PAYOUT: Since your mother is absolutely not going to help you get your cash, you either have to forgo it out of respect for her or get another adult to cash it for you. As a minor under your mother’s care and guidance, you will be breaking her rules to cash it out. Are you ready to live with the repercussions of that? Is $400 worth disgracing yourself in the eyes of your mother? While you may not agree with her strict rules, you are not in a position to care for yourself without her help. It’s best to wait until you are an adult and fully self-sufficient before you make choices that blatantly go against your mother’s values.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am feeling hurt after a recent vacation with my friends, and I’m not sure what to do. We planned this trip for months, hoping to have a great time and create wonderful memories together. However, things took a turn, and now I’m questioning whether I even want to continue these friendships.

It began with disagreements about our daily plans and how we wanted to spend our time. Some of us wanted to relax and take things easy, while others were more interested in exploring and participating in various activities. This difference in expectations led to tension and frustration. As the days went on, the arguments escalated. We found ourselves bickering over small things like where to eat, who should pay for what and even trivial matters like room assignments. One night, it all came to a head. Harsh words were exchanged, and personal attacks were made. The rest of the trip was awkward and uncomfortable.

Now that we’re back home, I’m left with a mix of emotions. Part of me wants to reach out and try to mend things, but another part of me wonders if these friendships are worth saving. I keep thinking about the things that were said and the way we treated one another. It’s hard to imagine going back to the way things were before. What should I do? -- Broken Friendships

DEAR BROKEN FRIENDSHIPS: First, decide how much you value these people. Do you want to continue to be friends with them? If so, reach out and tell them you want to talk about what happened to see if you can mend your friendships. If you are fine walking away from them, do nothing. If someone from the group reaches out, you can reconnect -- or not.

It is sad when friendships experience rifts, but sometimes that shift is an indication that the relationships have changed. That’s OK.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been married to “Mike” for a while now, and I just found out that he has been keeping some of his finances a secret from me. Despite our talks about being open about money, he's been hiding debts and his spending habits. I recently discovered that he's been spending a significant amount on luxury watches and dining out, which he never mentioned to me. It feels like a breach of trust. It’s not affecting our finances right now, and he is not yet aware that I know, but I’m worried about the future. I want to have a conversation about financial honesty and transparency in our marriage, but I'm not a confrontational type and am unsure how to approach this. -- Secretive Husband

DEAR SECRETIVE HUSBAND: Years ago, wives used to talk about their secret stash of cash that they kept for personal needs; it was known as “mad money.” Your husband seems to have his own mad money. Indiscriminate spending of said money may be something to worry about -- or maybe not.

Rather than chastising him about the separate account, talk to him about planning for the future. Sit down with him and set goals for your life together. What do you want to save for? Talk about the future, what it may cost and how the two of you can plan together to make it happen. Suggest that you both contribute to a future fund. This may encourage him to divert some of his mad money back to your joint account without you scolding him about it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a freelance graphic designer, and one of my clients is frustrating. Despite multiple revisions and attempts to clarify their expectations, the client has continued to express dissatisfaction with my work. One design element they specifically didn't like was a logo concept I had created. The client requested a minimalist and modern design, which I meticulously crafted to align with their brand image. However, they found the color scheme too bold and the font choice not in line with their vision. I asked for more specific feedback, and they did not provide me with anything concrete. This left me feeling perplexed, as I had followed their instructions closely and incorporated their feedback at every stage of the design process. How do you think I should proceed? -- Vague Client

DEAR VAGUE CLIENT: Many people are not visual and can find it difficult to express what they want for a design because they literally do not have the words to describe it. As a designer, that can be frustrating. Provide your clients with a variety of visual references to allow them to see examples of possibilities from which they can choose. This takes time, but it is a way to help guide them to come to a direction that satisfies their needs and helps them to imagine what they want. Many designers agree to provide three options to clients, after which they charge more. With a difficult client like this, you may need to change your rules regarding options in order to come to a solution that will satisfy their needs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just wanted to share a cautionary tale with you regarding sleepovers: The hosting parents need to be vetted very carefully.

Like you, I always called the parents to be sure they would be on site and the girls would be supervised. One time, my 9-year-old was invited to a birthday slumber party. I dutifully called the mother and was assured that she would be there through the entire celebration. Around 8:30 p.m., my Spidey sense kicked in; this was not a family I knew very well, so my husband and I decided to do a drive-by. It was chaos. Older boys were at the house, and there was no parent in sight. As we left with our daughter, a neighbor suggested we look at the neighborhood tavern, which is where we found the parent, sloshed to the gills.

Four years later, I was talked into allowing our daughter to spend the night with twin sisters. Again, I called and spoke to the mom at length and was assured she wouldn't allow a similar situation. After that night, our daughter became intractable. It was as if someone had flipped a switch in her. She eventually attempted to take her own life. She was placed in inpatient hospital counseling, which is where we found out that that night she was encouraged to drink, was drugged and was sexually assaulted by a 19-year-old neighbor. Her friends were in on it while the parents were out amusing themselves.

Kids can attend these functions, but only with close family friends whom you know very well. Better yet, instead of an overnight, allow a late night with pickup by 11. -- Spidey Sense

DEAR SPIDEY SENSE: I want to thank you and the others who wrote in about this sensitive topic. I’m so sorry about what happened to your daughter. I realize that horrible things can happen to our children when we leave them in others’ care. The late-night pickup is a great solution that allows your children to spend time with friends and come home safely. Also, having the sleepover at your home where you can supervise is a viable solution.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)