DEAR HARRIETTE: I have lost around 200 pounds over the past two years. It hasn’t been an easy journey at all because I have done it all naturally. As a mom of three, I gained a significant amount of weight during my pregnancies, and it stuck with me for years.

Because I am done having children, I decided to make a change so I could be healthy and present for my kids. I am incredibly proud of the physical transformation I’ve achieved and the hard work I’ve put into reaching this milestone. However, despite the weight loss and the physical changes, I still don’t feel confident.

I thought losing weight would automatically make me feel better about myself, but I’ve come to realize that confidence doesn’t solely stem from how you look on the outside. It’s much more about how you feel about yourself on the inside. Even with my new appearance, I still struggle with the self-doubt and insecurities that I’ve carried with me for years. It’s as if the weight loss has uncovered these deeper issues rather than resolving them. I find myself worrying whether people perceive me differently now and whether I am healthier and happier.

I want to build my self-esteem and feel genuinely good about myself, beyond just my physical appearance. How can I shift my mindset and focus on my inner confidence? -- What's Next?

DEAR WHAT’S NEXT?: Congratulations on losing 200 pounds. That’s a huge accomplishment, and you should be proud of yourself. This is good for you and your family. To align yourself with the goodness inside, you may want to get some help. Enlist the support of a therapist who can explore your life with you and coach you on healthy ways to build self-esteem. Having help is a great thing.

You can also continue to eat well and work out. Surround yourself with people who are affirming. This may require you to end any toxic relationships in your life. Make smart choices that are gentle and uplifting for you. Do your best not to think about what others have to say about you. Affirm what you want, and work to make that happen.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You often hear from people who “loan” money to family members. I have found that one never really loans money to their relatives. When the loan is not repaid, feelings get hurt. It is best to give the money with no strings attached. If it is returned, it's a win-win. If it is not returned -- as there were no expectations for it to be returned -- there should be no hard feelings, but a lesson learned. -- No Family Loan

DEAR NO FAMILY LOAN: Your advice is the safest, to be sure, as it helps to avoid all kinds of emotional drama later. The challenge that some people face in this situation is if a family member needs more money than you can afford to give. If you are able to say no because you cannot give it, that’s great. But sometimes it is very difficult to say no and keep the peace in the family.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: What should I do if my mother is smothering me? My husband and I recently moved closer to my parents because we have two little ones. My daughters are 3 and 4 years old, and I need help with them because my husband and I both work full-time.

My mom has a key to our house for when she comes to watch my kids. While I appreciate all the support and love my mom provides, her frequent and unexpected visits are starting to cause stress. My husband and I value our privacy and the little family time we have together, and her unannounced visits often disrupt our routine and personal time. Sometimes she comes over multiple times a week without prior notice, and it's starting to feel overwhelming. I understand that she means well and just wants to be involved in our lives, especially with her grandchildren, but the lack of boundaries is becoming a problem. I don't want to seem ungrateful -- we genuinely need her help with the kids -- but we also need to set some boundaries to maintain our own space and time as a family. How should we go about doing this? -- Boundaries

DEAR BOUNDARIES: Thank your mother for all of her help, and tell her you need one more thing: privacy in your marriage. Explain that as much as you love her, it is disruptive for her to come over unannounced. You are trying to establish a family rhythm and, without meaning to, she regularly disrupts the flow. Ask her to call in advance to help you establish the privacy that you desperately need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a longtime reader of your column, but this is the first time I've felt compelled to write to you. I’m writing in reference to “Mid-Size Problem,” whose boyfriend was making comments about her weight. While I agree with your advice for the writer to gently approach her boyfriend to express her feelings, I don't know if it will make a difference in the way he treats her.

I had a similar experience in a relationship years ago. There was always an undercurrent of criticism if my weight fluctuated, which, let's be honest, happens over the years. The fact that the writer's boyfriend is doing this suggests a level of shallowness I don't think will change over time. I think the writer would be wise to see this behavior as a character flaw and move on. And, worst-case scenario, if she were to marry and raise a family with him, their children would pick up on this behavior and model it themselves in their own relationships.

My relationship lasted over three years before it came to an end. While it's not one I would have wanted to repeat, it did give me valuable insights into what qualities I wanted in my ideal partner. Thankfully, I met my husband shortly afterward and have been happily married for 25 years now, so I hope the writer comes to the same realization and finds a life partner who shares her values. -- Insight

DEAR INSIGHT: Thank you for sharing your story. It helps a lot for people in crisis to know they aren’t alone and to learn from other people’s experiences.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it OK not to invite my foster parents to my wedding because my biological parents think they're racist? My biological parents, who are Black, feel uncomfortable around my white foster parents due to some comments they made before that seemed racially insensitive. Now I'm stuck between keeping the peace and addressing these concerns. I care about both sets of parents, but I don't want any tension at my wedding. Currently, I’m leaning more on favoring my bio-parents because they missed a lot in my life. They were a young couple who decided to place me in an orphanage because they couldn’t raise a kid at that time.

How can I handle this situation without hurting anyone's feelings and making sure everyone feels respected and included on my big day? -- Wedding Dilemma

DEAR WEDDING DILEMMA: How important have your foster parents been in your life, especially when you were younger? Do you love them? Do they love you? It’s understandable that your biological parents may have been offended by something that they said, but before you make a rash decision, think about your life with your foster parents. Did they take care of you? How do you feel about what they said?

While it may have been the right decision years ago for your parents to give you up if they couldn’t care for you, it seems unfair of them to try to force you to deny the people who took care of you in their absence a chance to be at your wedding. I recommend talking to both sets of parents and asking them to support you on your big day by being loving and civil -- for your sake.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years, and there is nothing going on when it comes to our intimacy dynamics. His reluctance to engage in physical intimacy has left me feeling confused and concerned about the state of our connection. I constantly wonder if I am attractive enough for him. In a moment of frustration and vulnerability, I mustered up the courage to ask him if he might be gay, hoping to understand the root cause of his distant behavior. Unfortunately, my inquiry sparked a negative reaction from him, resulting in anger and threats of breaking up. Now I find myself questioning my approach and wondering if I overstepped a boundary by confronting him about his sexual orientation. -- Boyfriend's Sexuality

DEAR BOYFRIEND’S SEXUALITY: While you did not choose the best question to ask your boyfriend about what’s going on in your relationship, you did start the conversation. Follow up with him. Apologize for making an assumption as you also tell him you are baffled. You don’t understand why the two of you are no longer intimate. You have searched your brain trying to figure out what happened. Ask him to talk to you about it. Be as direct as you can. Even though it may feel uncomfortable, ask him if he no longer finds you attractive. Ask him if there is somebody else or if he has a health condition you are unaware of. He needs to let you know what he’s thinking.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)