DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother to a 9-year-old and a 12-year-old. We have a huge debate in our home about whether my children are allowed to go on sleepovers. I am fully opposed because I don’t know or trust the adults in the homes they would possibly be staying in. My husband and my children, on the other hand, say that this is a crucial part of childhood and that I am overreacting.

Despite my reservations, I recognize the importance of socialization and the bonding experiences that sleepovers can provide. My husband believes that by denying our children this opportunity, I am isolating them from their peers. He argues that many parents allow their children to participate in sleepovers without incident. My children feel disappointed and left out when their friends host sleepovers and they are unable to join. They assure me that they would adhere to any rules or guidelines set by the hosting family and that they are responsible enough to handle themselves in unfamiliar situations. How can I settle this disagreement while ensuring that my children's safety remains a top priority? -- Overprotective

DEAR OVERPROTECTIVE: This is an age-old debate that is hard to resolve, especially when parents don’t agree. What I did when my daughter was young and started getting invited to sleepovers was to talk to the parents in advance about what the children would be doing and where they would be sleeping. I asked lots of questions to learn about who would be in the house and what the house rules were. I also brought my daughter to the house and went inside and looked around to make sure I felt it was safe. Finally, I gave my daughter and the host parents my phone number to call in case of an emergency. It worked.

You might also consider hosting a sleepover at your house. That way you get to see how the kids behave together and how engaged their parents are. I guess my point is I agree with your husband that it’s worth a try -- with precautions built in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new friend at work who has been married for more than 20 years. She recently revealed that hers was an arranged marriage. She comes from India, and it is her family’s tradition to have arranged marriages. I find that fascinating. She says she and her husband have had their share of ups and downs, but mostly it’s fine. Also, the understanding is that you marry for life, and that’s that. You choose to grow to love and respect each other.

Meanwhile, I have been married almost the same amount of time. I grew up in a Christian household that would prefer marriage for life, but it isn’t a requirement, and I am so sick of my husband that I don’t want to be married anymore. I listen to my friend and wonder if maybe things could be better if I could adopt her attitude, but I don’t know how. I don’t feel like my husband tries at all to be a good partner to me. He expects me to do everything. -- Cultural Cues

DEAR CULTURAL CUES: Why not talk to your husband about your friend and her marriage? Tell him how intrigued you are by what you are learning. This may open up a dialogue about your marriage. If you haven’t already, tell him what is making you unhappy and what you long for. Check in on his feelings. What makes him happy, and what does not? At this 20-year mark, what can the two of you do to refresh your commitment? Let this be a start.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: After giving birth to a healthy baby boy, I experienced weight gain due to health issues. My partner admitted that he no longer finds me attractive, and he suggested an open relationship. His suggestion has left me feeling hurt and insecure about my body. While I strive to understand his perspective, I find myself struggling with deep-seated fears. The thought of leaving him is enticing, but I don’t think I can handle it, particularly with a newborn baby in the picture. I’m not sure how to proceed. -- First-Time Mom

DEAR FIRST TIME MOM: Your partner is an impatient jerk who doesn’t deserve you.

That said, as a new mom, you don’t want to be reckless with your next steps. Look around you to figure out the support system you need to take care of yourself and your baby -- without him. Set yourself up for success by putting your village in place and finding the people and services you require in order to have a safe and healthy life.

As far as his request for an open relationship, tell him no. Since you don’t want that -- nor do you want a partner who no longer finds you attractive -- when you are ready, you may want to tell him goodbye. If he cannot respect you and all that it took to have a child, you may be better off without him. It often takes time to feel comfortable in your body after giving birth. You may be able to lose weight eventually, but it’s also possible that you won't. If he can’t love and appreciate you as you are and work with you as a partner and a new dad, let him go. Just make sure you let him know what his responsibilities will continue to be in caring for your child.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have worked for a nonprofit for the past three years as a fundraiser. I don’t want to sound vain, but I am really good at what I do, and I always exceed our target goal for the year. This is due to the fact that I have a lot of connections in my city thanks to prior jobs that I’ve held.

This year, management decided to hire multiple new employees. This was a poor decision on my company's part because now we have a ton of new hires who barely do anything around the office but sit around and chat with one another. Additionally, now that there are more people, this means more staff to pay. My boss has been pressuring me now to fundraise more because they need the money to pay the new hires’ salaries. I feel frustrated and undervalued because the consequences of the organization's misjudgment are now being pushed onto me. How can I address this situation with my boss without jeopardizing my position? I want to continue to contribute to the organization's success, but I also want my concerns to be heard and addressed. -- Unfair

DEAR UNFAIR: Ask your boss for permission to speak freely. Then express your frustration about the current situation. Explain that you had hoped this would be your time as you have put in so much effort with great success, but you feel like you are being punished because of what you think may have been a bad decision. Let your boss react to your feelings. Don’t feel you have to figure it all out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As summer approaches and another school year passes, my kids are now 11 and 13 years old. I can’t believe how fast time is going; it seems that just yesterday, they were babies. With each passing year, I'm increasingly aware of how precious these moments are, and I want to make the most of the time I have with them while they're still young. As they grow older, I know they'll become more independent and our family dynamic may change. Therefore, I'm seeking advice on how to create meaningful bonding experiences with my children during the summer months, as I only have so many summers left when they'll be young enough to fully enjoy these moments together. During the school year, my children are so busy with extracurriculars that I feel like I hardly ever see them. What are some creative and engaging activities or outings that we can do as a family to create lasting memories? -- Making Memories

DEAR MAKING MEMORIES: Research fun summer activities in your area. These can include classics like botanical gardens, museums with exhibitions tailored to children their age or outdoor adventures like ziplining, rock climbing, canoeing, etc. Many of these activities are free or low-cost. The ones with a price can be figured into your summer budget. As you go on these adventures with your children, plan with them so that they are fully invested and excited. Consider allowing them to invite friends to join some of your exploits. By all means, document what you do. Take pictures. Make postcards to send to the grandparents. Do things in the aftermath that require all of you to pause and remember the experience you just had. Put those memories into a scrapbook that you can revisit in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have started going to therapy, which I know is good for me. I have been dealing with a lot of pent-up issues in my life that seem to be going nowhere. I said that I was coming to therapy to resolve some of my issues, but now I realize how scary that is. I have complained for a very long time about certain aspects of my life, especially about how my husband and I interact. I have asked him to go to therapy with me for years. He has refused. I feel guilty for not being able to make things better between us. Now the therapist is telling me that I have to accept that there is nothing I can do to change him. Instead, I need to decide what I want and need and create a plan to make that happen. She didn’t tell me to leave him. She actually didn’t tell me to do anything specific. Instead, she just said I have to decide what I will do for myself -- and then do it. I’m scared to face this. Should I stop going to therapy if I’m not ready to deal with the tough stuff? -- Scared

DEAR SCARED: Please stay in therapy. Tell your therapist what you just told me. Talk about your fears and how they are stopping you in your tracks. Explore your sense of powerlessness and what that means for you. Do your best to be as honest as possible in exploring your feelings, your actions and your inaction. Allow the therapist to help you explore your life. Give yourself time to make decisions about the future. You need not be in a rush.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)