DEAR HARRIETTE: During spring break, I visited my boyfriend's hometown, where I met his extended family, known to me through his sister's stories. She had mentioned that most of their older male cousins were sneaky and playful. Throughout my stay, my boyfriend's favorite cousin repeatedly tried to flirt with me and asked for my social media handles. I repeatedly rejected his advances and avoided any further interaction. Now that we are back at our apartment, I am wondering whether to tell my boyfriend about this, but at the same time, I'm not sure what would be the sense of that. I wonder if it is best to keep it to myself. -- Boyfriend's Sneaky Cuz

DEAR BOYFRIEND’S SNEAKY CUZ: Don’t keep this from your boyfriend, but also don’t make it a huge deal. As you two review the highlights of your trip to meet his family, share some of the positive things that occurred. Who did you meet and hit it off with? What did you learn? What did you do? But also tell your boyfriend that his sister was right: She told you that most of their older male cousins were sneaky and playful. Much to your surprise, the one who stood out was his favorite cousin, who overtly made advances to you during your stay. Tell your boyfriend what happened and how you handled it.

Yes, this could cause a family fight, at least for a short time. But keeping it to yourself could cause a worse blow up the next time you visit. Your boyfriend needs to know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read your reply to "Seeking Balance," the young soon-to-be-mother whose mother-in-law wants to come visit and "help" for two months. I so disagree with your reply! I moved from one state to where my daughter lives when she had her first baby. Now she is about to have her second child. While I live 15 minutes from her, I am in a neighboring town. That is the closest she was willing to have me live. In no way should the MIL come to visit for an entire two months after a new mother has just given birth!

You said "only" two months. That is a long time. New mothers are exhausted. My daughter and her husband get to take two months of maternity leave. Seeking Balance needs the time alone with her husband and her baby to get used to it all. The MIL has no business coming for two months. A week, maybe! Your reply to her was incorrect! -- Grandma in California

DEAR GRANDMA IN CALIFORNIA: Thank you for your response. You and a few others have shared a similar view. Two months is too long. I will add -- it's too long UNLESS the extended stay is welcomed by the new parents. As you point out, boundaries are most important. That includes creating intimate space for the new family to learn how to care for the newborn and for them to get to know their child and learn how to help each other and grow as a unit. Even the most well-meaning grandmother could be in the way during this intimate time. Thank you for adding your knowledge to this discussion.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself feeling like a third wheel in my friend group, and it's starting to take a toll on my confidence and sense of belonging. While I value the friendships I have with both of my friends individually, whenever we're all together, I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow intruding on their bond. They seem to share inside jokes and memories that I'm not a part of, and I often find myself feeling left out or overlooked in group conversations and activities. I want to address these feelings and find a way to feel more included and valued within my friend group, but I'm unsure of how to go about saying this without causing tension or awkwardness. How can I assert myself without feeling like I'm imposing on their friendship? Any advice on how to overcome these feelings of being a third wheel would be welcomed. -- Third Wheel

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: Employ humor. The next time you three are together and they go into a private realm that excludes you, interrupt them and ask them to stop. You can say, “Hey, there you go again with another inside joke.” Or you can interrupt and ask, “Can you fill me in on what you are talking about? I’m feeling like the odd man out here!”

Call them out on their exclusionary behavior. That could lead to a more serious conversation where you address the elephant in the room. You know that they spend time together without you -- which is fine -- but as part of a close friend group, you would appreciate being included when you are with them.

At the same time, I recommend finding other people to hang out with. Do not rely solely on these two. They clearly have a close bond that does not include you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently decided to end a relationship with a guy who didn't seem to care about me. Despite my best efforts to make things work and communicate my needs, it became increasingly clear that he wasn't invested in our relationship. The lack of reciprocity in our connection was irritating, so I finally gathered the courage to break it off. While I know that ending things was the right choice for my well-being, I can't seem to shake this feeling of embarrassment about how I conducted myself while we were together. I realize that I often went above and beyond to please him, ignored numerous red flags and tolerated behavior that I now recognize as unacceptable. I also compromised my own values and boundaries in an attempt to salvage a flawed relationship.

As I deal with the aftermath of the breakup, I find myself feeling ashamed and regretful for not prioritizing my self-respect and dignity. How do I begin to forgive myself for the way I allowed myself to be treated? How can I move past this embarrassment and rebuild my self-esteem and confidence? -- Took Too Long

DEAR TOOK TOO LONG: It can be excruciating to look at our own behavior critically and find peace, especially when we haven’t performed optimally. Being able to evaluate your behavior, however, is a key way of learning and growing. You may want to do this work with the support of a therapist who can guide you and support you through this emotional process. Rather than feeling ashamed, do your best to adopt the attitude of learning. What lessons exist for you from this experience? Search for them so that you don’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have ginger hair and hazel-brown eyes, while my wife is a brunette with brown eyes. Despite our genetics, our 2-year-old child is dark-haired with blue eyes with a speck of green. My mother and sister cannot stop insinuating that my wife may have cheated on me. I consistently reject this idea and have become increasingly frustrated over time. I know my wife is faithful and loyal as she has always been. However, the persistent remarks from them and other family members at gatherings are beginning to affect me. I am considering a DNA test, but I fear my wife will feel doubted and betrayed by suggesting it. -- Confused Father

DEAR CONFUSED FATHER: Does your wife know about your family’s grumblings about your daughter? Start by filling her in. Let her know that there has been ongoing whispering by your family and how disconcerting it is. Tell her that you didn’t bring it up sooner because you think it is ridiculous, but that it is getting to you now that two years later they haven’t let up.

Genetics are amazing. You have to look at family history to find the links to the origins of different traits. In many families, there is a wide variety of characteristics that appear at different points in different generations.

You and your wife should decide together how to address this. You could speak to the family elders to ask them to get the family to stop with the accusations and to accept your family for who you are. You can speak to individuals or the whole family together. Or you could do a DNA test to prove your daughter’s bloodlines. Whatever you do, do it as a united front.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel for my twin brother, and I am worried about him. "Danny" no longer socializes with us like before, he rarely leaves his room and he often refuses to go to school. It seems like life has been drained out of him, and he appears depressed. I have made efforts to talk to him, but he shuts me down. I intentionally snuck into his room and accessed his social media account because I am worried about him. I saw a conversation with a friend where Danny mentioned he is terrified of being judged and hated in the family because he is gay. He overheard our dad expressing extreme disgust toward gay people. I am considering sharing this information with my mom so she can mediate and talk to Danny, but I am afraid of causing more harm. -- Gay Twin

DEAR GAY TWIN: Take the risk of admitting to your brother that you read his social media and know what he’s dealing with. Assure him of how much you love him and support him for the person he is. Acknowledge that you know your father can be harsh and scary, especially on this topic. Encourage him to speak to your mother for support and also to seek advice from the school guidance counselor. He should not be alone in this. Assure him that you are there for him and will stand by his side as he figures things out. Go to your mother only if he seems suicidal or incapable of living his life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)