DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself feeling like a third wheel in my friend group, and it's starting to take a toll on my confidence and sense of belonging. While I value the friendships I have with both of my friends individually, whenever we're all together, I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow intruding on their bond. They seem to share inside jokes and memories that I'm not a part of, and I often find myself feeling left out or overlooked in group conversations and activities. I want to address these feelings and find a way to feel more included and valued within my friend group, but I'm unsure of how to go about saying this without causing tension or awkwardness. How can I assert myself without feeling like I'm imposing on their friendship? Any advice on how to overcome these feelings of being a third wheel would be welcomed. -- Third Wheel
DEAR THIRD WHEEL: Employ humor. The next time you three are together and they go into a private realm that excludes you, interrupt them and ask them to stop. You can say, “Hey, there you go again with another inside joke.” Or you can interrupt and ask, “Can you fill me in on what you are talking about? I’m feeling like the odd man out here!”
Call them out on their exclusionary behavior. That could lead to a more serious conversation where you address the elephant in the room. You know that they spend time together without you -- which is fine -- but as part of a close friend group, you would appreciate being included when you are with them.
At the same time, I recommend finding other people to hang out with. Do not rely solely on these two. They clearly have a close bond that does not include you.