DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself in a difficult situation with my father. I recently graduated from college and secured a job, but my father keeps asking me for money. The challenging part is that he didn’t contribute financially to my college education, and he hasn’t supported me financially since before I turned 18. While I understand that he may be facing difficulties of his own, it feels like my accomplishments are seen as a means to provide for him.
I worked hard to earn my degree and establish myself in my career, and I had hoped that my family would take pride in my achievements rather than view me solely as a source of financial assistance. I want to support my father, but I also feel frustrated and resentful of his constant requests for money. How do I set boundaries without causing strain on our relationship? I want to find a solution that honors both my father's needs and my own financial stability and independence. -- What Is My Duty?
DEAR WHAT IS MY DUTY?: This is a difficult situation. On one hand, your job is to become independent now. For many college graduates, it doesn’t happen so quickly, and they continue to rely on their parents for years. Good for you that you can begin to be self-sufficient.
It may seem impossible to deny your father, so maybe you shouldn’t. The two of you could establish a budget. What can you afford to give him on a monthly basis? Define a specific amount, and the next time he asks for money, give him that. If he asks for more, apologize and tell him you have no more to give. You don’t have to tell him that you have allocated a monthly allowance for him, but you can have it available on reserve in case he asks.