DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a mother to 12-year-old twin daughters. While they share the same birthday and many similarities, their personalities couldn't be more different. One of my daughters seems to be a mirror image of myself when I was her age. We share the same interests, hobbies and even mannerisms; as a result, we have a strong and natural connection. However, my other daughter has her own unique personality, interests and ways of thinking that sometimes feel foreign to me. I'm struggling to connect with her. I worry that our lack of shared interests and understanding might be driving a wedge between us. I want to build a strong and loving relationship with both of my daughters, but I'm not sure how to bridge the gap with the one who feels less familiar to me. -- Twin Mom
DEAR TWIN MOM: Though I have only one child, I know many people who have multiple children, include twins, and I remember how my mother parented my sisters and me -- as individuals. Each of your children is different. Even though they are twins, each has particular ways of being and thinking. That is true, by the way, for the twin who is like you. (You will need to be clear that she isn’t really a mini-you, and that may become jarring at different points in her development.)
Look with fresh eyes at the other twin. Who is she? What does she care about? What inspires her, and what concerns her? Listen closely to her to hear what she wants to talk about and how she needs you to support her. Choose to divide your time between your twins as equally as possible.