DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always valued honesty and transparency in my interactions with others. I strive to provide a realistic perspective and offer straightforward feedback or advice. However, it seems that this approach is not always appreciated or well-received. Rather than being seen as someone who is genuine and reliable, I find that my straightforwardness is often interpreted as insensitivity or even harshness. It can be disheartening to witness the negative reactions and anger that arise from my attempts to be honest and realistic.
I feel caught in a difficult position. On one hand, I want to maintain my integrity and authenticity by expressing my honest thoughts and opinions. On the other hand, I also want to foster positive and healthy relationships without causing unnecessary conflict or upsetting those around me. I want to find a way to express myself honestly while also being mindful of others' feelings and emotions. It is important for me to strike a balance between being straightforward and being sensitive to the needs and perspectives of those I interact with. -- Too Straightforward
DEAR TOO STRAIGHTFORWARD: The Sufi poet Rumi is credited with something that may help guide your interactions with others. Before speaking, run your thoughts through the Four Gateways of Speech. Ask yourself these questions about what you are about to say: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it timely? Is it kind? Pause to consider each of those questions before you open your mouth. When you do that, inevitably you will edit your words, choose a different moment or sometimes say nothing at all. Directness has its place. Learn when and how to be direct so that you are honest without being hurtful.