DEAR HARRIETTE: I am married and have been living with my in-laws for the past few months. Living with them has brought a unique set of challenges, as it involves merging two different households and navigating different dynamics. One of the main difficulties I have encountered is the clash of expectations and routines. My in-laws have their own way of doing things, and it often conflicts with what I am accustomed to. This has led to misunderstandings and occasional disagreements, causing tension within the household. I must admit, it has been quite tough. I'm feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about what steps to take next. Can you offer any guidance or advice on how to live in this situation? -- Uncertainty
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DEAR UNCERTAINTY: You have less power here because you are living in their house. To survive and thrive, you will need to learn their expectations first and then slowly work to soften some of their rules (probably not many) to incorporate your natural ways of doing things. It’s all about communication.
Ask for a meeting with your spouse and your in-laws, or even just you and whoever runs the house. Apologize for any misunderstandings that may have occurred thus far, and ask if you can clarify expectations in the home. Specifically ask what roles and responsibilities they expect you to take on as well as any particular ways they like to do certain things. Then respectfully tell them that you have some ideas about how to handle certain tasks and ask for them to consider those ideas. Over time, with constant, respectful communication, you should be able to get them to incorporate at least some of your ideas.