DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend's boyfriend is always the one picking up her phone when I call. He'll be like, "Hey, she's in the shower, but I can take a message if you want." Honestly, I feel like it's unnecessary because I know she'll see my missed call and ring back when she's free. It bugs me because it's like he's always got her phone, and I don't want him accidentally reading our private chats. I barely text her now, worried he might see it, and that's stressing me out about what he might know from our conversations. It's getting to me, and I'm not sure how to bring it up without causing drama. -- Blocker

DEAR BLOCKER: You’ve got two things to do right away. First, figure out how you and your best friend can spend time together alone -- and soon. When you are together, ask her about her life and probe to learn as much as you can about her boyfriend. Is she really happy? Does she feel smothered? How else does he exhibit control over her? Does she feel safe? Tell her that you are a bit concerned because she no longer answers her phone, and it seems like he has taken away her autonomy. Observe her to get a sense of what’s actually going on, as she might not tell you.

As far as your private communications go, suggest that she erase all of your text history so that your relationship can be as private as possible, though you should assume that he already has looked through it. If there is something you have shared that could put you in a compromising position, you will have to deal with that. In the future, don’t text any of that sensitive stuff.

If you think your friend is ever in immediate danger, remind her that help is only a phone call away: 800-799 SAFE (7233), or text 88788 to reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a 30-year-old woman, and I live alone. Recently, my closest friend has developed a habit of visiting to watch a movie, only to end up falling asleep, turning our hangout into an impromptu sleepover. While I value our time together, her unplanned stays disrupt my minor plans, such as cleaning and organizing. How can I kindly address this situation without hurting our friendship, ensuring our time together remains enjoyable while also respecting my need to stick to my routines and responsibilities? -- Boundaries

DEAR BOUNDARIES: Tell your friend that you love her, but movie night can no longer be an automatic sleepover. Explain that while you enjoy her company, you would prefer for your evenings to end with her going home. So set a time limit. Make sure that the time you spend together is special, and give her a heads-up that lights out will be at a particular time. If she has dozed off, nudge her awake and send her on her way. You may find that occasionally it’s easier to let her stay, but not at first if you want to set new boundaries. She may not like this, but she will get used to it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Embarking on a health journey in the new year, I'm feeling apprehensive about my lack of expertise in fitness and clean eating. Though I thrive with accountability, I'm embarrassed to ask friends and co-workers to support me. Can you suggest strategies for finding an accountability partner without feeling vulnerable or shy about my fitness journey? -- Looking for a Partner

DEAR LOOKING FOR A PARTNER: Congratulations on being serious about your health and fitness. This may just be the most important focal point for anyone’s life -- even as it tends to be something we overlook. You said it: Embarrassment and vulnerability too frequently get in the way of people making a consistent effort to do what it takes to improve their health. It’s great that you realize you will benefit from an accountability partner. Now -- how to find one.

Look around in your world. Who is physically active? Who is making an effort to be healthy? I don’t mean who is the marathon runner. No. Who is working at it and seems open to talking about it? This could be someone in your hometown with whom you might actually be able to walk, go to the gym or otherwise engage in fitness activities together. Or it could be someone long-distance with whom you can jump on a call and motivate each other remotely. Ask someone who knows and respects you and seems potentially open to a shared journey.

If you can’t think of anyone in your own world, go to the gym and look around. Do you see anybody who looks open to talking to you? Go online to health chat groups. Look for someone who seems to be focused on health. Obviously with strangers, keep your guard up in terms of sharing too much personal info -- think home address, inner circle -- but even a stranger could help keep your feet to the fire.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like to share a thought I had when reading the recent letter from “Stop the Bullying.” In addition to your advice of talking to the school officials and her son to get to the bottom of the issues behind the bullying, I believe it’s imperative she also do a deep dive into his online presence and media consumption. While it’s possible that he is involved in similar activity online, I think it’s even more likely that exposure to it there or suffering from bullying himself, whether personally or anonymously, could be contributing to this issue.

She says she has tried to “instill values of kindness and empathy.” but it doesn’t take long to run into online spaces where the opposite values are extolled. Seeing the media he has consumed and interacted with could lead the way to a new understanding of why he is behaving this way. -- Anti-Bullying

DEAR ANTI-BULLYING: Thank you for adding such important thoughts to this conversation about bullying. Social media and general media consumption are like the wild, wild West these days. You are right to point out that they can easily derail anyone, even a young person who grew up with solid moral values.

For parents who need support, you can call the Stop Bullying Now Hotline at 800-273-8255. For students who are trying to make it through the day, text HELLO to 741741; they can connect you to a crisis counselor.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-girlfriend and I, ages 23 and 22 respectively, have made an unconventional decision to continue living together post-breakup for financial reasons. Despite our intentions to maintain a cordial environment until our lease ends in seven months, my family strongly opposes this idea. I'm questioning the potential emotional impact of this arrangement and seeking advice on managing the situation without compromising our peace. -- Interim Arrangements

DEAR INTERIM ARRANGEMENTS: You may be surprised to learn that many couples find themselves in exactly this situation. Whether it’s riding out a lease or a mortgage, when breakups happen, they are rarely convenient, and life circumstances have to be sorted out. As young adults, this will likely be your first big test on how you handle a relationship crisis. You can do it!

As you should have done when you moved in together, establish ground rules for sharing a space. Delineate everything, from who does what chores to shared expenses and policies surrounding guests. While it is likely that you both may begin dating again, you may want to keep your home off-limits to dates and sleepovers. If either of you does want to have romantic company, the other should agree to be out during that time unless you agree that you can be civil to the guest who’s coming over.

Make an exit plan so that when you get to the end of the lease, you are clear about how you will move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Approaching my birthday, I'm conflicted between my preference for laid-back celebrations and my friends' inclination toward lively outings. As I consider hosting a small sleepover instead of having a night out bar-hopping, I'm concerned about maintaining an enjoyable atmosphere. Should I compromise for one night and celebrate my birthday at the newest lounge in our city? It has great reviews -- though I have to admit it's not entirely my scene. -- It’s My Birthday

DEAR IT’S MY BIRTHDAY: The one day of the year when you should be able to do what YOU want to do is your birthday. If bar-hopping isn’t your thing, don’t give it another thought for that day. Sleepovers can be great fun for friends who enjoy each other’s company. Plan out the time with great food and drinks and a few activities. Board games are still winners for group activities. You can also watch a movie together and, of course, just talk and swap fun stories.

Design a welcoming invitation that you send to the people you want to join you. An email or text invitation is fine. Make sure it is clear that this is a personal invitation, meant only for the recipient. Keep it intimate, and enlist support from your closest friends. Do not feel beholden to folks who aren’t part of your inner circle. Not everyone has to be invited to every event. Don’t worry that some friends may prefer to go to the bar. You can all do that together another day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)