DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself in a difficult situation with a close friend I met when I moved to Minneapolis for my job two years ago. I need your advice on how to navigate this matter as I have only made a few friends in Minnesota, and I don’t want to lose one.

Recently, I discovered my friend speaking poorly about me and my family behind my back. Another mutual friend overheard a conversation in which she called me ugly and my family members weird, and now the atmosphere between us is tense. I valued this friendship, and it's disheartening to think that my friend harbors negative feelings or opinions about me and my family. I am unsure how to address the issue without escalating the situation or causing irreparable damage to our relationship. Should I confront her directly about what I've heard, or is there a more subtle approach to addressing the underlying problem? -- Disloyal Friend

DEAR DISLOYAL FRIEND: I get that you feel like you don’t have many friends, but I want to ask you if this “friend” is worth keeping. It sounds like she is proving herself not to be a friend but more of a disruptor. You absolutely should confront her directly. Tell her what you personally overheard and what your mutual friend shared with you. Ask her why she chose to talk about you at all, let alone with mutual friends. What was her motive for doing that? Does she think this is the way a friend behaves? If she has issues with you, why wouldn’t she tell you directly? Listen to her answers to see if there is any merit to what she has to say.

If I were you, I would cut ties with her. She has proven to be disloyal. You don’t need her friendship that much. Choose selectively as you build relationships. Look for people who will treat you with respect.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I gave a friend some cash when she was in desperate need a few months ago. I did it knowing that she wouldn’t be able to repay me. That’s why I made it a gift. Since that time, her circumstances haven’t improved much. She is struggling, but I am not in a position to help her financially anymore. I have recommended all kinds of things that she can do, including looking for work outside of her area of training. She lives in a city where I believe she could find something if she tried, but I don’t see her trying at all, at least not in a realistic way. Instead, she seems to complain all the time about what she doesn’t have. I find this exhausting. I don’t want to listen to it anymore. Is it wrong of me to cut ties with her during this dark period? I have tried to help her, but now it feels like she is bringing me down with her. -- Time To Pivot

DEAR TIME TO PIVOT: Self-preservation is essential, even for kind people. You can and should set up boundaries to protect yourself. Tell your friend you love her, and then pivot to paying attention to your own life. Focus on what you need to do to be whole and healthy. Limit your interactions with this woman. When she starts going negative during a call, end it. Tell her you can no longer talk about dark things. Touch base periodically via text with a positive message.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I find myself in large gatherings or social events, I constantly feel like I'm dissociating. It's as if I'm present physically, but mentally, I struggle to connect with others, and everything around me feels distant and surreal. This has become increasingly difficult for me, as I want to engage and connect with people, but it seems like a barrier exists. I've noticed that I withdraw during these situations, making it hard for me to form meaningful connections or enjoy social activities. It's disheartening because I value my relationships, and I want to be fully present in those moments.

Do you have any advice on how I can overcome this feeling of dissociation during large gatherings? I want to be able to enjoy socializing without this constant sense of detachment. Are there techniques or strategies I can use to feel more connected and present in social settings? -- Dissociation

DEAR DISSOCIATION: When you arrive at one of these large events, stand back and take in the whole scene before you enter. Look around for someone you know or someone who looks interesting. Rather than seeing the event as this overwhelmingly huge, unmanageable group of people, view it as several small clusters of people. Set your sights on one group, and head toward them. Introduce yourself and share one thing about why you are there. Invite them to talk as well. Continue to float from one group to another, keeping your mind on each small gathering of people rather than the overall event.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost my job at the end of last year, and I have not sorted out how I am going to manage my life right now. I will receive unemployment for a few more weeks, but that is not enough, and it won’t last anyway. I have been looking for a job, but honestly my confidence is shot. I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I will lose everything if I don’t find some kind of employment. I also feel too embarrassed to go for service jobs when I have worked as a professional for many years. What do you think I should do to get my act together? -- Out of Work

DEAR OUT OF WORK: Tackle your job search with as much energy as you would if you were on the job. Write down all of your talents and capabilities. Get creative as you think about what you are good at doing. Then go online and look for job postings in areas that reflect your abilities. Identify at least five potential jobs each day, and send your resume and a cover letter explaining why you would be great for the job.

Meanwhile, look outside of your core talent areas to see what other jobs are available -- including service jobs. For example, ride share services or delivery services are popular now and still allow for time to search for your dream job. Think of any job you can get for now as a way to tide you over until you land in the job you really want.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a three-year relationship with my boyfriend, and things have been going well. Recently, he expressed a desire for us to take our relationship to the next level and move in together. While I care for him and can see a future together, I am hesitant about moving in before we are engaged. This hesitation is rooted in my religious beliefs, which emphasize the sanctity of marriage.

I've shared my perspective with him, explaining that I would feel more comfortable cohabiting if we were engaged first. However, he seems disappointed and doesn't fully understand my reservations. I don't want to strain our relationship, but I also want to stay true to my values. How can I navigate this situation and communicate the importance of my beliefs without causing tension? I care about him a lot, but I want to ensure that we are on the same page regarding the timing and commitment of major relationship milestones. -- Values in Question

DEAR VALUES IN QUESTION: Now is a perfect time for you two to talk about the future more specifically than you have thus far. Be open and clear about your religious views and what they mean to you. Describe how you envision your life five years from now, 10 years, and so on. Acknowledge that you know that many people choose to live together as they build their relationships, but you do not want to do that. Tell him that next steps for you include planning your life together. If he is serious about being with you, what does he want?

Rather than considering this conversation as a source of tension, suggest that it is an opportunity for you to think seriously about the future. At the three-year mark, you should have a sense of whether you want to commit to being with this person. Talk it out. Determine if you share enough values to be able to go the distance. If so, stick by your desire to be engaged before moving in. If not, move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a good friend who is getting up in age, and I have noticed that her memory isn’t very good anymore. She knows it, too, which I guess is good. I want to be able to support her when we are talking, but I’m not quite sure what to do. I don’t want to insult her by reminding her of things too often, but I feel like it could even be helpful for me to identify myself sometimes so she doesn’t have to search her brain for my name. How can I be supportive during this difficult time? -- Memory Loss

DEAR MEMORY LOSS: Since your friend knows she is suffering from memory loss, you can tell her that you want to help in any way that you can. Ask her what would help the most. Definitely identify yourself every time you call. Just say your name, something like, “Hi. It’s Harriette calling.” That way she doesn’t have to guess. Send her texts after you talk or visit with each other with reminders of things you discussed or agreed to do. Remind her of stories that you have shared, and try not to get frustrated if she doesn’t recall them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)