DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a three-year relationship with my boyfriend, and things have been going well. Recently, he expressed a desire for us to take our relationship to the next level and move in together. While I care for him and can see a future together, I am hesitant about moving in before we are engaged. This hesitation is rooted in my religious beliefs, which emphasize the sanctity of marriage.

I've shared my perspective with him, explaining that I would feel more comfortable cohabiting if we were engaged first. However, he seems disappointed and doesn't fully understand my reservations. I don't want to strain our relationship, but I also want to stay true to my values. How can I navigate this situation and communicate the importance of my beliefs without causing tension? I care about him a lot, but I want to ensure that we are on the same page regarding the timing and commitment of major relationship milestones. -- Values in Question

DEAR VALUES IN QUESTION: Now is a perfect time for you two to talk about the future more specifically than you have thus far. Be open and clear about your religious views and what they mean to you. Describe how you envision your life five years from now, 10 years, and so on. Acknowledge that you know that many people choose to live together as they build their relationships, but you do not want to do that. Tell him that next steps for you include planning your life together. If he is serious about being with you, what does he want?

Rather than considering this conversation as a source of tension, suggest that it is an opportunity for you to think seriously about the future. At the three-year mark, you should have a sense of whether you want to commit to being with this person. Talk it out. Determine if you share enough values to be able to go the distance. If so, stick by your desire to be engaged before moving in. If not, move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a good friend who is getting up in age, and I have noticed that her memory isn’t very good anymore. She knows it, too, which I guess is good. I want to be able to support her when we are talking, but I’m not quite sure what to do. I don’t want to insult her by reminding her of things too often, but I feel like it could even be helpful for me to identify myself sometimes so she doesn’t have to search her brain for my name. How can I be supportive during this difficult time? -- Memory Loss

DEAR MEMORY LOSS: Since your friend knows she is suffering from memory loss, you can tell her that you want to help in any way that you can. Ask her what would help the most. Definitely identify yourself every time you call. Just say your name, something like, “Hi. It’s Harriette calling.” That way she doesn’t have to guess. Send her texts after you talk or visit with each other with reminders of things you discussed or agreed to do. Remind her of stories that you have shared, and try not to get frustrated if she doesn’t recall them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother in my early 50s, and I find myself grappling with overwhelming regret about the way I raised my children. In hindsight, I realize that I may have inadvertently spoiled them and instilled a sense of entitlement that I now see as unhealthy. My kids, now in their 20s, seem to struggle with responsibilities and have a skewed perception of the world. They expect instant gratification and often display entitled attitudes that I fear are hindering their personal growth. I can't help but blame myself for their behavior, as I was the one who raised them and set the tone for our family dynamics. Is it too late to guide my children toward a more responsible and appreciative mindset? I want to help them develop a stronger work ethic and a sense of gratitude for what they have. What steps can I take as a parent to address this regret and support my kids in becoming more responsible adults? -- Redirect Their Course

DEAR REDIRECT THEIR COURSE: Your children are young adults. Now is the time for them to put into practice the things you taught them alongside whatever they choose to do for themselves. Can you continue to guide them? Maybe. You can certainly share your thoughts on how they should proceed with their lives.

Have an honest conversation with them where you point out your regrets. Be as direct as possible, including explaining that in order to be a successful, independent person, you have to be able to take care of yourself. You can admit that you have done a lot of these basic things for them for much of their lives, but now it is time for them to do these things for themselves. If they are open to it, make a list with them of duties that are requirements for life, then step back. They will have to learn by doing. Yes, they will stumble. But they will also need to learn to pick themselves up and grow from their mistakes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am very close with a woman who has been my friend for more than 30 years. We are part of a larger friend group of people we have known for anywhere from 15 to 20 years, so we are all longtime friends. Still, I share some intimacies with my oldest friend that I do not share with anyone else. Imagine how upset I was one day to walk in on a conversation that my oldest friend was having with five of my acquaintances about my business. I couldn’t believe my ears. I confided things to her believing that she wouldn’t discuss them at all, let alone with the rest of our friends. I was both embarrassed and outraged. What can I say to my friend to express how upset I am? I feel like our friendship has been irreparably broken. -- Broken Friendship

DEAR BROKEN FRIENDSHIP: Tell her that you believe she violated your trust by breaking confidentiality about something you shared solely with her. Make it clear how hurt you are. Beyond that, stop telling her anything that you don’t want others to know. Whether intentional or not, she has proven that she cannot keep a secret.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbor and I have become close over the years, which is currently creating a bit of a situation. We have thin walls in my apartment building, and I have noticed recently that she and her husband have been screaming at each other way too often. I try to go into the other room so that I don’t have to listen to whatever they are arguing about, because I really don’t want to be all up in their business. It is just so hard not to hear them. Because of this, I know what their issues are -- at least the ones they argue about. I can see each of their sides on certain things. I worry that one day the situation could turn violent. Do you think I should say something to her about this? Should I share my opinion? -- Stop Fighting

DEAR STOP FIGHTING: You should not put yourself in the middle of your neighbors’ domestic disputes. Unless your friend specifically asks you to comment on her life, consider it absolutely none of your business. Arguments between couples often swing from one side to the other, rarely following pure logic. You do not want to get caught in the middle of whatever they are working through. Instead, be a silent supporter. You can invite your neighbor for coffee or to go for a walk. But keep the conversation light. Let her introduce what she would like to discuss.

The only caveat to this would be if you learn that the arguments have escalated to physically dangerous circumstances. If you fear that your friend’s safety is being compromised, that’s when you call the police.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I realize that I am much closer to one of my sister’s children than her other ones. It’s not that I don’t love them all, but I naturally spend more time talking to her daughter than her sons. I don’t mean to play favorites, and I don’t want the boys to feel like I don’t care about them. But I noticed when we were all together recently that she and I gravitated to each other and talked the most while I barely got a few sentences in with the boys. Should I work harder to get close to my nephews? I love them all, but I enjoy spending time with my niece. -- Don’t Play Favorites

DEAR DON’T PLAY FAVORITES: As long as you let all of your nieces and nephews know that you love them, it should be fine. It is natural for people to gravitate more to one person than another. You don’t need to feel bad about that. Just be intentional about greeting all of the young people and taking the time to talk to each of them. Choose to build a relationship with each, even if you end up spending more time with your niece. Your effort will mean a lot and will certainly be noticed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)