DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend lied about going to a work thing and instead went to the movies alone, saying I'm “too clingy.” Hearing this felt like a huge blow. I want to give him some space, but how can I talk to him about the lie without making things worse? What should I say to let him know that the big problem is the lie, not that he thinks I'm clingy? I want to keep things calm between us. -- At an Impasse

DEAR AT AN IMPASSE: For your boyfriend to lie to you about needing space is an indication that your communication has broken down. Of course the lie is upsetting to you, but it sounds like your clinginess is equally upsetting to him. You cannot diminish his feelings about your behavior if you want to get him to understand how much you are impacted by his lying. In his mind, the offenses are equal.

Ask your boyfriend if you can sit down and talk. Apologize for being clingy. Tell him that you didn’t realize that your behavior sometimes makes him want to escape. Admit that this is upsetting to you and that you genuinely want to change. Give him a chance to express his thoughts on the subject. Listen and do your best not to be defensive. Then tell him that for you, lying is a huge transgression. Ask him not to do that again. As tough as it may be for you to accept that he doesn’t want to be around you sometimes, you would rather hear that he is going out by himself or with friends than lying about his whereabouts.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This past year has been really tough for me. As I go through challenging times and find myself juggling many responsibilities, I wonder about the things I can do to keep myself feeling good. When life gets tough, what specific actions or habits can I rely on to stay strong and balanced? I'm interested in learning from others' experiences to better handle stress and deal with difficult moments in my own life. -- Overwhelmed

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Assess how you spend your time. Write down what you do each day -- and be specific. Break your activities down into categories: personal, home, health, family, work and anything else that is a focal point for you. Under each category, list as many tasks as you can think of that occupy your time. Then look at your list. What takes up most of your attention? How much time do you spend on yourself? Could you reallocate your time and divert more to tending to you -- your health, your mental well-being, your social life, even your sleep?

When you can see your life in black and white, it can be easier for you to understand why you are feeling the way you are. Now is the time for you to reprioritize your time. Devote more time to yourself each day. Do something daily to celebrate you. Little victories make us smile inside and can soften whatever defeats or challenges we may be experiencing. Design your time to include opportunities to create tiny successes every single day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single mother, and I recently discovered that my 12-year-old son has been engaging in bullying behavior at school. I received a call from his teacher expressing concerns about his interactions with classmates and some reported incidents. I am shocked and disappointed because I've always tried to instill values of kindness and empathy in him. I never thought my child would be the one causing harm to others. I've talked to him about it, and he seemed remorseful. I want to make sure he understands the gravity of his actions and learns to treat his peers with respect. Additionally, I am worried about the potential consequences if this behavior continues. How can I talk through this situation as a parent and help my son become a more compassionate and understanding individual? -- Stop the Bullying

DEAR STOP THE BULLYING: You need to get to the bottom of why your son has been bullying others. What happened? Did someone hurt his feelings or physically harm him? Or did something else trigger him? Talk to school officials and to him to determine the cause of the bullying. Find out as much as you can about the circumstances. In order to help your son, you need information.

Before berating him about how he has treated others, talk to him as calmly as you can to learn his side. Ask him to tell you what happened, what’s going on at school. Your compassion and caring for your son right now are key to his willingness to open up and talk to you about whatever is going on inside his head. Especially if this bullying behavior is new, something triggered it. Do your best to get to the source so that you can help him unpack the situation and how he reacted to it.

Get your son a therapist who can work with him to address his feelings and how he expresses them. Your son needs to learn how to deal with anger, frustration, embarrassment, remorse, etc. A professional should be able to help him engage strategies for managing himself better. You can continue to show him love and talk to him about how you deal with intense emotions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Being the only one among my friends with a toddler, I'm facing a dilemma when it comes to my child's birthday celebration. I want to make sure everyone, even those who may not be used to child-centric events, enjoys the party. How can I create an environment that is enjoyable for my friends, ensuring they don't feel bored or out of place? Balancing the interests of both adults and children during the celebration is important to me, and I'm looking for ways to make the event inclusive and enjoyable for everyone involved. -- Cross-Generational Party

DEAR CROSS-GENERATIONAL PARTY: I was the oldest one with a child in my friend group and had a similar challenge. What I did was essentially to have two parties at once -- one for the children and one for the adults, both in the same place. The children had activities and a group leader so that I could participate but not have to run everything. The adults had light bites, adult beverages and each other. They chatted at what was essentially a cocktail party, and everyone came together for the cake and any other formal activities.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy New Year! This day always makes me think about my father, who was born on this day many years ago. I will never forget that on every New Year’s Eve, he would decorate our basement with all kinds of gold, silver and red items in preparation for the party that my parents hosted to ring in the new year. They really did it up with a live band and guests wearing formal attire.

My sisters and I would greet our parents’ guests at the front door and hang their coats as they descended the stairs leading to the festivities below. As soon as the ladies were out of sight, we would go into the coat closet and don the women’s lightly perfumed fur coats and twirl around in them as if we were movie stars. Later, my father would invite us downstairs to dance with him. He had taught all three of us the waltz, the cha-cha and the two-step. Our role was to dance with him while everyone watched. We, too, were wearing formal clothing. It was exhilarating and nail-biting at once. These are precious memories.

As we walk into this new year, what positive memories do you bring with you? Are there scenes from your childhood that make you smile? Are there stories from more recent experiences that give you energy? I find it valuable to sit and reflect at this transition point in our lives. To start out strong, it can be invigorating to recall a positive moment from your past as you also claim your plans for the future. In this way, you have a strong anchor and a powerful compass at once.

I recognize that each of us has different stories. None of us has all positive ones, either. Our lives are composed of triumphs and defeats, sidelines and victories. To walk into the new year fully empowered requires a sober look at your life. Being able to answer key questions such as, “What did I do well this past year?” and, “What could I have done better?” are helpful.

Ask yourself what memories help to fuel your creativity and stamina. My memories of my father and my family do that for me. I relish the imagery from that annual party as I also recall my father’s unwavering requirement: “Excellence is the only option.” He taught us to live that way, and I continue to do so today. This makes me revisit my decisions to see if I reached excellence. When the answer is no, I then have to assess why and how I can handle the situation differently next time.

Whatever helps you to look at your life honestly and find tools to address whatever needs your attention, draw upon that right now. You have the opportunity to design your future. Allow your past to help guide your steps. May this be a conscious and intentional year for you as you claim your space each day. Happy New Year!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)