DEAR READERS: Merry Christmas! Happy holidays! Joy to you! I want to be as inclusive as I can in my greeting, because I truly do want to welcome each and every one of you into the biggest hug of the year. We deserve to feel unconditional love right now. After a year filled with innumerable twists and turns and ups and downs, this time of year we reserve to pause, be with loved ones and celebrate.

I recently asked a friend what she would be doing for Christmas, and she quickly told me that she is not Christian; therefore, she won’t be celebrating. I pushed a bit further to ask what she would be doing on Christmas Day. Anything special? Ah, yes. She would be joining a few loved ones for a special meal.

For all Christians who consider this to be a sacred holiday, blessings to you and yours. And to all others, who count in the billions worldwide, who celebrate more broadly -- regardless of religion -- blessings to you, too! This is the season of LOVE. I encourage us all to claim that love for ourselves and others. Let us fill our cups with whatever joy we can capture. Starting from within ourselves, let’s start our day in gratitude for all of the good things that have occurred and that are ahead of us. Let us give thanks for our resilience and fortitude. No matter who you are, you have weathered storms and come out the better for it. Looking beyond the individual, turn your gaze toward those you love. Contact them, either in person or via some communications device, and let them know you are thinking about them and that you care.

Don’t get caught up on gifts. Whether or not you physically give a thing to someone isn’t the point. Give your loved ones the gift of connection, communication and love. Reach out and tell people you love them.

I interviewed Nicole Avant recently. A former ambassador to the Bahamas and the daughter of “The Black Godfather” Clarence Avant and philanthropist Jacqueline Avant, Nicole is the author of “Think You Will Be Happy: Moving Through Grief With Grit, Grace and Gratitude.” She told me the greatest gift she received as she was mourning the loss of her mother was to hear those three words -- “I love you.” Indeed, she said that when suffering is extreme, the fewer words, the better. An expression of love is all that is needed. That was the balm that helped to heal her soul.

Whether you are living through some type of emotional, spiritual, physical, cultural, professional or other challenge, embrace the magic of the season. Open your eyes and look at your world with wonder. Notice the little things that point to the vibrancy of life. Choose to see the positive in yourself and others. Give the gift of your time and attention over and over again -- to yourself and to others. Be fully present. Be still and take it all in. In gratitude, notice the goodness that is surrounding you, and give yourself a moment to honor the moment. Stop rushing and just be.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always had a contentious relationship with my aunt. I found her to be harsh, sometimes mean and often unreliable. She has been dead for years.

Recently my cousin, who was much closer to her, told me that my aunt always wanted to have a relationship with me, but my father wouldn’t let her. The two of them had issues, and his punishment to her was keeping us apart. I am sad that I never got to know this woman, who did try to get close to me a couple of times. I don’t know what issues she and my dad had, but clearly it was bad. Both of them are long gone.

I am left wondering what I could have done differently. I know that I have had a contentious relationship with one of my own sisters. I feel like I want to work extra hard now to ensure that nothing like what happened to my father and his sister will happen to me and mine. How do you get past old hurts? -- Breaking a Cycle

DEAR BREAKING A CYCLE: For starters, talk to your cousin and learn whatever you can about your aunt and her life. Listen to the stories, and get a sense of who this woman was. Do your best not to judge your aunt or your father for how they interacted. You will never understand the complexities of their relationship. Just learn what you can.

As far as your bond with your sister, decide that it will be as healthy as possible. Do not allow yourself to fall into a pattern of holding onto grudges or traps from childhood behavior. Decide that you will love each other and learn to respect each other for who you are, not who you want the other to be. Sometimes you have to forgive someone for being who they are, even if that truth is hard for you to accept. Let people be and learn to love them as they are. Your life will be much simpler.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend is deeply in touch with her emotions, which, as a sensitive person myself, I genuinely admire. However, I've noticed that disagreements between us often result in her tears, regardless of the issue's magnitude. While I respect her emotions, I feel like her crying has become a way to end arguments in her favor. It seems that she recognizes my discomfort with tears, and as a result, uses them to sway the outcome of our disagreements. I want to address this without appearing insensitive or dismissive of her feelings. How can I communicate my concerns and encourage a healthier resolution without invalidating her emotions? -- Beyond the Emotion

DEAR BEYOND THE EMOTION: Talk to your girlfriend during a time when you are not in the middle of a heated discussion. Tell her that you want to come up with a way to handle disagreements so that you can push past the tears. Acknowledge that she is emotional, and tears often flow when you argue. Ask her to agree to complete the conversation when she has collected herself. Point out that you realize resolution cannot come in the height of emotion. This doesn’t mean you are asking her not to cry. Ask her to agree to finalize the conclusion to any debate only when she has collected herself and you two can talk without an onslaught of emotion.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm reaching out to you as a concerned parent grappling with a situation involving my teenage daughter. We recently switched our daughter from a private high school in town to the public school. Unfortunately, it seems she's having difficulty making friends. I've observed her struggling to connect with her peers, and it's disheartening to see her feeling isolated. As a parent, I want to support her during this transition, but I'm unsure about the best way to approach the situation. How can I help my daughter with the challenges of making new friends in a high school environment? I want to ensure her well-being and help her build positive social connections. -- Isolated in High School

DEAR ISOLATED IN HIGH SCHOOL: Change is tough at any age. Going from a sheltered environment into a more diverse one is bound to be challenging. Your daughter is going to have to navigate her way and establish her own identity. What may help her is to join school clubs -- academic or social -- that interest her. If she gets busy doing things, she will naturally interact with other students and begin to build relationships. Remind her that meeting people and getting to know them is often time-consuming. She needs to have patience. (Much easier said than done!)

When people get to know her, the assumptions that some of them may have made about who she is based on where she used to go to school will subside. Teenagers are skeptical and judgmental when they first meet new people. Strongly encourage her to become active in school projects. This will help to ease her into the new culture.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a freshman in college, and I've been struggling with time management since the semester began. It seems like everyone around me is involved in numerous activities, clubs and social events, and I'm constantly worried about missing out. As a result, I find myself saying yes to almost every invitation, which has led to a chaotic schedule, missed deadlines and a general feeling of being overwhelmed.

I want to create a balance between enjoying the college experience and managing my responsibilities effectively. How can I overcome this fear of missing out and develop a healthier approach to time management without feeling like I'm sacrificing the social aspect of my college years? -- Stretched

DEAR STRETCHED: It is possible to do too much in order to build your social life, especially when you are at school. Pump the brakes. Stop and take a look at your life. Evaluate what your priorities should be versus what they have become this year. Starting college is exciting, and many students lose sight of the big picture and the discipline needed to keep up with their studies.

It is time for you to put school first. Build a calendar for next semester that lists all of your classes and due dates for exams and papers as soon as you get that information. Allocate daily time for studying on your calendar. Then add in extracurriculars. Notice that there seems to be less time when you actually write it down. So now you will have to choose. What is most important? What can you let go? Interestingly, if you don’t show up all the time for everything, you become a bit mysterious, and others may wonder where you are. Use that mystery to your advantage. Remain an interesting person who gets the work done.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)