DEAR HARRIETTE: With the holiday season approaching, I am struggling with how to deal with my family. I come from a strict household that allows little freedom. Many of the adults are blatantly disrespectful toward me, my siblings, my cousins and each other. It is hard for me not to speak up, but I do not want to come off as disrespectful. I have tried to bring it up to my parents before, but they often find a way to shift the blame or dismiss the issue entirely.

Ever since I started noticing these comments, I have not enjoyed the holidays or spending long stretches of time with my extended family. I am an adult now, so technically I do not have to go, but I do not want to cut off contact from my family. I do not know how to combat their hurtful words without raising my voice, but I cannot be silent any longer. How do you suggest I confront a family member without coming off as disrespectful? -- Family Drama

DEAR FAMILY DRAMA: Plan out your time before you head to be with your family. As an adult, you can go for part of the visit but not the whole time. If you can afford it, you can rent a hotel room rather than stay in the family home. Or stay somewhere other than the main residence so that you have a built-in getaway.

In advance of your visit, reach out to the relative who bothers you the most. Assume the positive. Say that you will be joining the family for the holidays and you look forward to a positive experience. Ask your relative to be kind. Explain that when they speak harshly to you and other family members, it is hurtful and makes you not want to be there. Yes, this is risky, but somebody has to stand up and demand respect. Do so calmly and without judgment. You can say that you worry that the family will grow apart if the negativity does not die down. Ask your relative to help to make the gathering a wonderful experience for all. Your positivity may ignite some softness in their approach.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm excited about attending a media networking event, but I've had negative experiences with similar events in the past. How can I present myself confidently and make strong connections, especially when I tend to be introverted and am in the early stages of my career? -- Putting Myself Out There

DEAR PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE: It’s all in the planning. Learn everything you can about this upcoming event before you get there. Research the focus of the event and the guest list. Look for photos so that you will recognize key faces when you enter the room. Pay attention to current events that may be applicable to this activity. Walk in with ideas about what you want to learn and say to others so that there can be a natural flow of conversation. Be ready to state your name and something interesting about yourself, and be prepared to ask informed questions. People love to talk about themselves. Get them talking, and you can relax and listen.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm having a dilemma with my best friend. Lately, I’ve been embarrassed by her increasingly rude behavior toward service workers. We recently went to a restaurant, and she was unbelievably disrespectful. She ordered her food, and when it came, she kept asking where her smoothie was. They said it should be on the way, but it wasn’t because she never actually ordered it. She kept badgering the staff about it and eventually got the free smoothie she was angling for. Also, she went up to the line cook who made her burger and said that there wasn’t enough sauce on it. I didn’t hear the full exchange, but by the way he recoiled from her when he handed back her food, I could tell it wasn’t a good one. I've tried addressing it subtly, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. How do I approach this situation without damaging the friendship, yet communicate how her behavior is affecting me? -- Rude Friend

DEAR RUDE FRIEND: Who says you have to be subtle? Your friend has proven that subtlety doesn’t work for her. She needs you to be direct and illustrative. Tell her you need to talk to her about something that is bothering you. When you are together, describe how she has behaved with you out in public recently and how you feel about it. Make her understand what you observed about how her behavior impacted the service workers around her and how inappropriate you believe her actions and words were. Let her know she has been behaving in a rude and dismissive manner, and you need her to stop. If she is mad at you for a while, so be it. Friends have to stand up for what’s right -- even if the cost is temporary disconnection.

DEAR HARRIETTE: With the holiday season around the corner, I'm concerned about my sweet tooth and poor eating habits. How can I strike a balance between enjoying holiday comfort food and maintaining my healthy eating habits consistently? What strategies can help me stay on track without feeling deprived during this time? -- Sweet Tooth

DEAR SWEET TOOTH: Here’s your chance to practice discipline. Easy? No, but absolutely necessary. Make a plan before you head out each day. Decide that you will enjoy one special snack per day. With that in mind, you can map out all the places you plan to visit. Think in advance about who has the best treats. Then wait to enjoy one amazing snack when you visit that person. If you plan on purchasing sweets, buy one item. Do not purchase a tray of cookies or a whole cake. Instead, buy a slice of cake or pie, or a single cookie. It takes time to develop the ability to eat just one special treat, but if you put your mind to it, you can succeed.

Remember also to drink lots of water so that you keep your body hydrated. You can also look up recipes for healthy versions of traditional comfort foods to try.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! I love this time of year for so many reasons. For many of us, the weather has changed, and there is a crispness in the air. It’s time to cozy up in warm sweaters and blankets.

Being together with loved ones is paramount for families and friends at this time of year. Indeed, this weekend has long been heralded as THE busiest travel weekend of the year. We drive, fly and take trains and buses in order to get to our loved ones. Most of the time, it is worth it.

It can also be stressful. So many of you have written to me over the years to admit that all kinds of soul-stirring, sometimes highly emotional experiences bubble forth at this time, and it can feel overwhelming. Old wounds reemerge. Insecurities flare. Loneliness masquerades as bitterness or anger. A lot is going on.

I want to invite you -- all of us -- to take a collective deep breath and look at this moment in time differently. No matter where you are or with whom, be still. Follow a practice I learned from my mom: Be grateful for where you are and what you have, no matter how small or vast that may be. Make a physical gratitude list by writing down every single thing you can think of for which you are grateful. This can include everything from being glad that you woke up this morning to that you have food to eat, friends to love, a job to pay the bills or prospects on the horizon, and so forth.

Tell yourself out loud that you are grateful for NOW. Look in the mirror and thank yourself for showing up. Give yourself a smile. Look out into your world. Whoever is there -- give that person a smile and a verbal sign of gratitude. Choose to be at peace with this moment.

Recognize that being alive and able to experience NOW counts. Make the commitment to observe and interact in the present. That means that you resist falling into old patterns of behavior. When you feel yourself reverting back to your former self, say NO inside and stop. Take a deep breath and remember where you are, who you are and what you bring to the table today.

Create boundaries around your privacy. If you do not want to talk about certain things, be prepared to say that is off-limits. When folks probe, ignore them. You can physically walk away when you find yourself boxed into a discussion that you find uncomfortable. Command agency over your life. You have the power to do that. Then, rather than allowing yourself to get exasperated or angry, express gratitude inwardly for having the courage to run your life rather than allowing anybody else to push you around. Keep reminding yourself that you can do all of this. Access peace by carving out alone time. Take a walk. Take a nap. Go for a drive. Complete a chore. Talk to a young child. Get out of your head and into the moment. Glory in that, and you will be fine!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)