DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been looking for inspiration because I feel a bit lost right now. I realize that my role models from before have not been good examples for me, and I ended up modeling behavior that was not beneficial. I have been looking for new sources of inspiration on social media and in newspapers, but those have been unsuccessful and disheartening. I do not know where to look anymore, nor do my friends have suggestions for me or role models of their own. Where do you find your inspiration? Is it in people, ideas or rituals? Who inspires you the most, and what values do they hold? -- Inspirations

DEAR INSPIRATIONS: I find inspiration in stillness and reconnecting to spirit. I have been practicing meditation for many years. Establishing a meditation practice can be extremely beneficial, and it doesn’t have to be a huge investment of time. Consider getting up 30 minutes earlier each day, sitting quietly, possibly with soothing music playing. Then just breathe deeply for three cleansing breaths. As you breathe in, invite light and love into your being. As you breathe out, exhale any discomfort that may be lodged in your body or your spirit. Continue to breathe gently. Hold an affirming thought in your mind. You can focus on welcoming light into your life with each breath. You can repeat an affirmation that speaks to the goodness within you: I am content. I am peaceful. I love life. Try that.

I will add that looking to social media for role models is a dangerous way of attempting to fill your cup. There is so much grandstanding out there, and, as you experienced, role models can be fake. Other sources of inspiration can be nature, a family member or friend who is living a life you admire, an author whose work you read or a professor at school or someone further ahead of you in your career who may be able to serve as a mentor.

After anchoring yourself to your heart, look around for extracurricular activities that may pique your interest and lead you to new friendships.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in the same relationship since I was 16; I am now 22, and I realize that I no longer want to be in it. My boyfriend is an amazing man and we get along great and have talked about marriage, but he has been my only boyfriend, and I want to take some time to figure out who I am becoming and what interests me. I feel that in this relationship, everything is about us together. Please help! -- 6-Year Relationship

DEAR 6-YEAR RELATIONSHIP: Rather than breaking up, why not talk about what’s going on with you? Your boyfriend may be having similar feelings of loving you but wanting some freedom. Talk it out and see if there’s a way for you both to enjoy some space from each other without closing the door. Couples design all kinds of ways of living their lives. If you think there’s a chance for the two of you to have longevity even as you want a break, talk about that and see if you can come to an agreement on how to move forward.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got into a big argument in my friend group that resulted in another friend and I isolating ourselves from one person, “Ruby.” Ruby lied to the rest of the group, claiming that my friend “Mary” and I abandoned her one night, when we dropped her off at her apartment after she repeatedly asked to go home. Mary and I were confronted by the group for leaving Ruby, and we were upset that she would create an issue when there was not one to begin with. Ruby then proceeded to call us terrible friends, so Mary and I decided that we needed space until she apologized for her manipulation. The rest of the group made up with her, but I am reluctant to continue our friendship. I know that we will be in the same circles, but I no longer trust her. What boundaries do you suggest I should set with her and our friendship going forward? -- Friend Manipulation

DEAR FRIEND MANIPULATION: Since Ruby is going to remain in your friend circle, you want to be strategic about how you address her. Ask her directly why she lied about what happened. Listen for her answer, and challenge her if it doesn’t make sense. Be clear that you did not appreciate how she addressed the group -- and you, in particular. Define friendship with her from your perspective.

If you continue to distrust her, keep her at arm’s length. You don’t have to cut her out of your life completely -- which would be hard to do since she’s part of the group -- but you can stop confiding in her and depending on her. You can begin treating her as peripheral to your friend group rather than part of your inner circle.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a junior in college, and I have realized this semester that I don’t want to be a teacher. After taking some counseling courses, I realized that I want to be a counselor instead. My dilemma is that I will graduate next year. If I change my degree now, it will be another two years before I graduate. I don’t know if I should just stick with my teaching degree to go ahead and finish my bachelor's or change it. -- Switching Degrees

DEAR SWITCHING DEGREES: If you can afford it, stay in school now and switch your degree. Get the academic preparation you need in order to begin your professional life. Many people change course during their academic years as it can take time to determine what path they want to follow. Do your research to ensure that you feel confident about your new decision. Work with a counselor to map out your course schedule so that you are as efficient as possible in completing your studies. Check to see if education can be your minor or even a double major, based on how many credits you have. Being able to fall back on an education degree is smart. You may be able to combine all of your academic pursuits into a hearty career.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex recently contacted me and asked me out. We broke up last year because I didn't like him smoking and drinking. Since then, I've been focusing on myself and finding out what makes me happy. I've been enjoying the process of self-discovery. In our conversation, he told me that he has stopped smoking and drinking and has turned his life around. However, I am not sure if I want to give him another chance, even though I still have feelings for him. What should I do? -- Second Chances

DEAR SECOND CHANCES: One year later may be too soon to revisit this relationship. Getting sober is a slow process. Great for him that he is on the road to recovery. Just like your search for self-discovery, he should be doing the same thing so that he can learn how to cope without the crutches he once relied upon. It is extremely hard to stop smoking or drinking, let alone both at the same time. Encourage him to stay the course and to take care of himself. Tell him you are proud of what he is doing, but you are not ready to get back into a relationship with him. Focus on yourself for now. If you enjoy talking to him, you can agree to speak occasionally, but leave it at that for now. Do you. Put yourself out there to learn new things, expand your friend base and explore. Do not slip back into a routine with him just because he’s around. This is your moment to explore who you are, what you want and what you deserve.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working at my current job for three years, and I was recently promoted. I am now working directly under the CEO, who has been verbally abusive toward me. Although I enjoy my work, his behavior has caused me to shut down and has led to anxiety. I did speak to HR about the situation, but it seems like nothing has been done. I am unsure about leaving my job because I do love what I do, but I am conflicted about whether to stay in this work environment. What would you suggest I do? -- Toxic Workplace

DEAR TOXIC WORKPLACE: You are going to have to speak up and defend yourself. Next time your boss speaks to you in a tone that unnerves you, take a deep breath and tell him that it is difficult for you to do what he is asking when he speaks to you in that way. Ask him to stop yelling at you. Yes, that can be scary to do, but you have to try. You can say things like, “Could you say that differently?” or, “When you speak to me in that way, it’s hard for me to hear.” You might also record him when he’s disparaging you and take that to HR as proof of your concerns. Ultimately, you will have to decide if it’s worth it to work in a place where you are constantly under attack.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)