DEAR HARRIETTE: I currently share an apartment with a friend I became very close with last year. We thought that it would be best for us and a lot of fun if we moved in together. However, now we barely spend any time together at home. I could easily go days without seeing her or speaking to her for more than five minutes. We stay in our rooms, which I appreciate because that is what I am used to as an only child.

Because we stick to ourselves, we rarely have time to discuss apartment needs. My pressing issue at the moment is that she does not buy groceries. I think that in the month and a half we have lived together, she has (barely) restocked the fridge twice. Neither of us has a job right now, so I cannot afford to foot her food bill, but I do not necessarily want to have separate food because we occasionally cook for each other. How should I bring up my concerns about her contributions? -- Empty Fridge

DEAR EMPTY FRIDGE: A guideline you may want to suggest is that you have a weekly meeting to discuss roommate business. Schedule it so that it becomes part of your routine where you two can discuss anything that is happening at home. At the inaugural meeting, express your concerns about food. Remind her that you two are supposed to be sharing expenses, yet she is not participating in purchasing food. Be direct: You cannot afford to pay for her food. You need to her contribute. It could end up that you have separate shelves for food, and you agree not to touch each other’s food unless you discuss it in advance.

You should also tell her that you miss spending time with her. Explain that you thought you would be doing things together, but the opposite is true. Ask her if there’s something going on with her or between you two that you should know about.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Halloween is around the corner, so I decided to take my boyfriend to a haunted house attraction for a fun date night. We were both excited, and he expressed nothing but enthusiasm for our plans. When we entered the haunted house, things immediately went left. My boyfriend was completely horrified and begged me to leave early. Now I can't help but feel a little nervous about our relationship. Is it possible that I'm dating a coward? I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I paid good money for our tickets, and he couldn’t even put on a brave face for me for the night. I think this says a lot about how fearful of a person he could potentially be. Am I overthinking it? -- Man Up

DEAR MAN UP: Something else may have been going on that triggered your boyfriend’s reaction. Find out what’s up. Ask him why he reacted so strongly. What upset him? Continue and ask him what else frightens him. You are in the getting-to-know-you stage, so listen carefully and observe. You can also tell him that it bothered you that he got so scared, and you want to understand what happened. The more you get to know him, the better you will come to understand his motivations.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two friend groups now -- one from home, and one at college. I have spent so much time with them and I love them all, but the dynamics of each group are different and sometimes overwhelming. For my group at home, being away from each other while we’re all in college has made our friendships stronger, and I feel like I can rely on them even more than when we were in high school. For my group at school, summer break tried all of our relationships, but we brushed it all under the rug and chose to forget about it.

I do not think I could replace one group with the other as they support me in many different ways, but I find myself withdrawing from my school friends because I want to go home, and the rug that we keep sweeping under is coming up a bit. Should I talk to them about how I have been feeling? Should I address our previous issues from the summer? -- Friend Issues

DEAR FRIEND ISSUES: What outcome do you want? Do you think that a conversation about your past issues will yield your desired results? If so, go for it. Frame the discussion so that it is not accusatory but open-ended and welcoming of everyone’s input. Do your best to listen carefully and encourage the others to listen as well. Set the tone of the conversation by establishing a goal for everyone to work toward.

If you don’t think the outcome will be productive, don’t bring it up. Some things cannot be resolved, at least not in the moment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found out that my sister let my 17-year-old daughter drink alcohol while she was staying with her. I am upset that my underage daughter was drinking, but I’m even more upset that it was done behind my back. I told my sister to clue me in on absolutely everything that happens with my daughter, and the fact that she didn’t even ask me about it is hurtful. I haven’t figured out how to approach this situation yet. How should I handle this? -- Sneaky Sister

DEAR SNEAKY SISTER: Talk to your sister and ask her why she chose to give your daughter alcohol without telling you about it. Ask her to explain what happened. It could be that your requirement that she tell you every single thing that happened felt like helicoptering. If you have become overbearing in your attempts to protect your daughter, you may need to step back a bit. Your daughter may need to have an outlet where she can safely try things you would not normally allow. She may need to have your sister as a confidant even if it includes breaking a rule or two. You may ultimately benefit by allowing the two of them to have a private relationship. You do need to get your sister to agree to give you updates, including sharing anything that could potentially be a safety issue.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to go to Copenhagen to study abroad for a year through an exchange program at my university in America. I have very strict parents back home in Congo who barely allowed me to move to America to go to college. I had been putting off telling them that I was accepted to another exchange program because I knew they wouldn’t be happy.

I decided to break the news to them today, a week before I leave, and they were livid. They don’t want me going to Copenhagen because they don’t know anyone there who can keep an eye on me and help me when I need it. My aunt and uncle live near my American university, and I often visit them and give them updates. My parents told me I should drop the program and continue to attend my college in the U.S. Unfortunately, it is way too late. Everything is already paid for. I don’t know if I should cancel my exchange program, wasting all that money, and see if I can enroll in classes at my college in America in order to avoid ruining my relationship with my parents, or if I should proceed to live the life I want to. -- Be an Adult

DEAR BE AN ADULT: It is understandable that your parents are upset. You are far away, and they want to protect you. Since you have already made this decision, do as much as you can to provide your parents with comfort. Talk to the administrator at your school and find out what contacts are available in Copenhagen in case you cannot be reached. Find out what the school typically does in emergency situations; set that up for yourself and tell your parents about the protocol. If anyone at your school has personal contacts in Copenhagen, ask if they can introduce you so that you can establish a rapport and share that with your parents. Finally, set up WhatsApp and schedule weekly free calls with your parents so that they can see and hear that you are OK.

If they refuse to agree with your plan, you will have to make a decision for your own life. If you decide to go, be sure to stay in communication with them even if they do not respond at first. Send them photos, texts and emails proving your safety and well-being.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 25-year-old twin sister and I recently moved to Dallas, where we both happened to find jobs around the same time. We decided that in order to save money, we should live together. Five months have passed with us sharing a space, and we have not set many boundaries because our relationship is so close. My sister has been using my clothes and toiletries without asking, as well as eating my food without being told she could. I have no idea how to help set these boundaries without making things awkward between my sister and me. She makes significantly less money than I do, so I feel bad saying that she can’t use my things, but I didn’t sign up to provide financially for two people. How should I approach her about setting stricter boundaries? -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: Call for a roommates meeting. Tell your sister you two need to set boundaries the way that any roommates would. Talk about everything -- including wearing your clothes and eating your food. If you don’t want her to do that, ask her to stop. Her budget is not your issue. You both have to figure out how to live as adults. Start reinforcing that now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)