DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two friend groups now -- one from home, and one at college. I have spent so much time with them and I love them all, but the dynamics of each group are different and sometimes overwhelming. For my group at home, being away from each other while we’re all in college has made our friendships stronger, and I feel like I can rely on them even more than when we were in high school. For my group at school, summer break tried all of our relationships, but we brushed it all under the rug and chose to forget about it.

I do not think I could replace one group with the other as they support me in many different ways, but I find myself withdrawing from my school friends because I want to go home, and the rug that we keep sweeping under is coming up a bit. Should I talk to them about how I have been feeling? Should I address our previous issues from the summer? -- Friend Issues

DEAR FRIEND ISSUES: What outcome do you want? Do you think that a conversation about your past issues will yield your desired results? If so, go for it. Frame the discussion so that it is not accusatory but open-ended and welcoming of everyone’s input. Do your best to listen carefully and encourage the others to listen as well. Set the tone of the conversation by establishing a goal for everyone to work toward.

If you don’t think the outcome will be productive, don’t bring it up. Some things cannot be resolved, at least not in the moment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found out that my sister let my 17-year-old daughter drink alcohol while she was staying with her. I am upset that my underage daughter was drinking, but I’m even more upset that it was done behind my back. I told my sister to clue me in on absolutely everything that happens with my daughter, and the fact that she didn’t even ask me about it is hurtful. I haven’t figured out how to approach this situation yet. How should I handle this? -- Sneaky Sister

DEAR SNEAKY SISTER: Talk to your sister and ask her why she chose to give your daughter alcohol without telling you about it. Ask her to explain what happened. It could be that your requirement that she tell you every single thing that happened felt like helicoptering. If you have become overbearing in your attempts to protect your daughter, you may need to step back a bit. Your daughter may need to have an outlet where she can safely try things you would not normally allow. She may need to have your sister as a confidant even if it includes breaking a rule or two. You may ultimately benefit by allowing the two of them to have a private relationship. You do need to get your sister to agree to give you updates, including sharing anything that could potentially be a safety issue.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to go to Copenhagen to study abroad for a year through an exchange program at my university in America. I have very strict parents back home in Congo who barely allowed me to move to America to go to college. I had been putting off telling them that I was accepted to another exchange program because I knew they wouldn’t be happy.

I decided to break the news to them today, a week before I leave, and they were livid. They don’t want me going to Copenhagen because they don’t know anyone there who can keep an eye on me and help me when I need it. My aunt and uncle live near my American university, and I often visit them and give them updates. My parents told me I should drop the program and continue to attend my college in the U.S. Unfortunately, it is way too late. Everything is already paid for. I don’t know if I should cancel my exchange program, wasting all that money, and see if I can enroll in classes at my college in America in order to avoid ruining my relationship with my parents, or if I should proceed to live the life I want to. -- Be an Adult

DEAR BE AN ADULT: It is understandable that your parents are upset. You are far away, and they want to protect you. Since you have already made this decision, do as much as you can to provide your parents with comfort. Talk to the administrator at your school and find out what contacts are available in Copenhagen in case you cannot be reached. Find out what the school typically does in emergency situations; set that up for yourself and tell your parents about the protocol. If anyone at your school has personal contacts in Copenhagen, ask if they can introduce you so that you can establish a rapport and share that with your parents. Finally, set up WhatsApp and schedule weekly free calls with your parents so that they can see and hear that you are OK.

If they refuse to agree with your plan, you will have to make a decision for your own life. If you decide to go, be sure to stay in communication with them even if they do not respond at first. Send them photos, texts and emails proving your safety and well-being.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 25-year-old twin sister and I recently moved to Dallas, where we both happened to find jobs around the same time. We decided that in order to save money, we should live together. Five months have passed with us sharing a space, and we have not set many boundaries because our relationship is so close. My sister has been using my clothes and toiletries without asking, as well as eating my food without being told she could. I have no idea how to help set these boundaries without making things awkward between my sister and me. She makes significantly less money than I do, so I feel bad saying that she can’t use my things, but I didn’t sign up to provide financially for two people. How should I approach her about setting stricter boundaries? -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: Call for a roommates meeting. Tell your sister you two need to set boundaries the way that any roommates would. Talk about everything -- including wearing your clothes and eating your food. If you don’t want her to do that, ask her to stop. Her budget is not your issue. You both have to figure out how to live as adults. Start reinforcing that now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a female co-worker in her 30s with whom I've developed a great friendship over the past few months. A few days ago, she came over for a family gathering I was having. While she was at my house, she met my son (also in his 30s), and the two of them seemed to hit it off very well. They were very close and cuddly all night. I honestly didn't mind since they are both consenting adults. However, at work today, she kind of cornered me and asked why my son hadn't called her. I asked her to please leave me out of it, but I can tell she’s still bothered. What should I do? -- Messy Situation

DEAR MESSY SITUATION: You certainly don’t want to get in the middle of whatever is budding between your co-worker and your son, but you may want to step in and set some guidelines for both of them. You were right to tell her that she has to handle her business and that you cannot be involved.

Still, since it is your son, you should speak to him and ask him what his intentions are. Remind him that this woman works with you, so however he treats her will directly impact you. Ask him to decide what’s on his mind. If he doesn’t plan to see her again, ask him to tell her nicely that he had fun but doesn’t plan to take it further. If he wants to see her again, he should tell her that and act accordingly. Point out that you do not intend to be in the middle of a potential relationship, but you do need him to treat her with respect -- as you would expect of him in any relationship. Tell him to remember that this is your co-worker, so you are automatically involved even though you don’t want to be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on a group trip with some friends where we stayed in a nice rental house. Unfortunately, I got assigned to a small room with a bunk bed. Although it was initially fine, I found myself feeling uncomfortable and cramped. I made the decision to switch to a hotel where I could have a large room all to myself for the remainder of the trip. I still hung out with my friends during the day and did group activities; I just didn’t stay on the rental property with them. My friends seemed really hurt and irritated that I stayed in a hotel instead of with them, but I did it for reasons of comfort and not because I didn’t want to be around them. They said the fact that I didn’t stay under the same roof with them took away from the group trip experience. Was I in the wrong? -- Smallest Room

DEAR SMALLEST ROOM: Did you express your dismay about the room before you left? You could have told them all about your discomfort and asked if anyone wanted to switch with you. Giving them the chance to step up might have helped. In the end, it is understandable that they felt you abandoned them and equally understandable that you chose to put your head down on a comfortable bed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)