DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a female co-worker in her 30s with whom I've developed a great friendship over the past few months. A few days ago, she came over for a family gathering I was having. While she was at my house, she met my son (also in his 30s), and the two of them seemed to hit it off very well. They were very close and cuddly all night. I honestly didn't mind since they are both consenting adults. However, at work today, she kind of cornered me and asked why my son hadn't called her. I asked her to please leave me out of it, but I can tell she’s still bothered. What should I do? -- Messy Situation

DEAR MESSY SITUATION: You certainly don’t want to get in the middle of whatever is budding between your co-worker and your son, but you may want to step in and set some guidelines for both of them. You were right to tell her that she has to handle her business and that you cannot be involved.

Still, since it is your son, you should speak to him and ask him what his intentions are. Remind him that this woman works with you, so however he treats her will directly impact you. Ask him to decide what’s on his mind. If he doesn’t plan to see her again, ask him to tell her nicely that he had fun but doesn’t plan to take it further. If he wants to see her again, he should tell her that and act accordingly. Point out that you do not intend to be in the middle of a potential relationship, but you do need him to treat her with respect -- as you would expect of him in any relationship. Tell him to remember that this is your co-worker, so you are automatically involved even though you don’t want to be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on a group trip with some friends where we stayed in a nice rental house. Unfortunately, I got assigned to a small room with a bunk bed. Although it was initially fine, I found myself feeling uncomfortable and cramped. I made the decision to switch to a hotel where I could have a large room all to myself for the remainder of the trip. I still hung out with my friends during the day and did group activities; I just didn’t stay on the rental property with them. My friends seemed really hurt and irritated that I stayed in a hotel instead of with them, but I did it for reasons of comfort and not because I didn’t want to be around them. They said the fact that I didn’t stay under the same roof with them took away from the group trip experience. Was I in the wrong? -- Smallest Room

DEAR SMALLEST ROOM: Did you express your dismay about the room before you left? You could have told them all about your discomfort and asked if anyone wanted to switch with you. Giving them the chance to step up might have helped. In the end, it is understandable that they felt you abandoned them and equally understandable that you chose to put your head down on a comfortable bed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been a smoker for years, and although I know it's a terrible habit, I just couldn't quit. However, I never wanted my kids to pick up on it. That's why I was devastated to find out that my daughter has started smoking cigarettes, too. She's in her early 20s, and I know that I can't force her to stop. I'm at a loss as to what to do. How can I get her to understand the dangers of smoking without being a total hypocrite? -- Don’t Smoke

DEAR DON’T SMOKE: Talk to your daughter directly and tell her how concerned you are about her smoking. Admit out loud that you realize you have been a terrible example because you smoke. Offer to quit with her. As hard as it will be to quit this addictive habit, the only way you stand a chance of getting your daughter to stop is if you decide to stop yourself. See if she is willing to go on this journey with you. It will be incredibly difficult, but if you two do it together, it may bring you closer and possibly be successful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend at work and I are up for the same promotion. As far as I know, only one of us can get it, and it’s making me sick to my stomach to think of having to compete with her. We both deserve to advance at work, and I don’t think it’s smart for either of us to back down from trying for this promotion. The thing is, I don’t know how to talk about it with her. I worry that we won’t be friends after the decision is made. It doesn’t seem fair that excelling in the workplace could lead to the end of our friendship. Can you suggest a way for us to live through this? In some ways, she is more important to me than my work, but I know I need to take my career seriously. -- In Competition

DEAR IN COMPETITION: Why not talk about your situation directly? Sit down with your friend and remind her of how much you care about her as well as how ambitious you know you both are. State the obvious: You both are going for the promotion that’s available, and it’s likely that only one person can get promoted. Agree to do your best as you compete for this role. Agree to be honest and aboveboard as you pitch for yourselves, and acknowledge that you both have to go all out in order to stand a chance. Also note that somebody else could possibly win this promotion, and neither of you should take for granted that it will be yours. In your discussion, do your best to agree to remain friends no matter what happens. Then go for it.

By the way, don’t talk to your friend about your process of preparation. Put on your work hat and hunker down. Do all that you can to get ready and to show your talents without ever disparaging her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a physical that included a range of blood work. Some of the tests came back abnormal, and now I have to go back for more blood work.

This is so scary to me. I want to talk to someone about it, but whenever I tell my husband about my health concerns, he doesn’t listen. Instead, he immediately starts lecturing me about what I should do to improve my health. That is not what I need right now. I need support, someone to hold my hand and help me have the courage and strength to go through this process.

I know my husband means well, but his manner is grating on me. Should I start keeping my health concerns from him? Is it OK for me to ask someone else to be my rock during this time? I think my best friend or my sister would be more helpful as I go through the process of learning about my health and discovering what I need to do about it. -- Need Support

DEAR NEED SUPPORT: Now is not the time for you to be worrying about hurting your husband’s feelings. This is your life and your health. Whatever you need to do to walk through this moment and get the most out of it is what you should be concentrating on. It is perfectly fine for you to ask a friend or your sister to go with you to your doctor’s appointments or to talk through the results and recommendations after your visits.

It can be helpful to have an advocate to stay apprised of what you discover. That person may also think of questions that you may have missed. It’s one thing to get a diagnosis and another to figure out a plan of action for improving your health. Invite the person you think will be most helpful to you. Be sure to get their full agreement.

When the time is right, you can inform your husband of what is going on and how you are tackling your health issues -- if you so choose. What’s most important is that you address your problems and do your part to get healthy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine used to be married to a woman I know. I hung out with him the other day, and she came up in the conversation. It was kind of awkward. He remains in touch with her because they have children and grandchildren together, but the issues they had when they were married flare up from time to time. I saw him get worked up all over again when he described how they interacted recently. All I did was listen -- except when I commented that I bet he is glad they aren’t still married. I don’t think I offended him, but I also don’t want to bad-mouth anyone. How can I stay neutral when my friend goes off about his ex? -- Neutral Zone

DEAR NEUTRAL ZONE: Be a good listener. Chances are, your friend most needs to bend your ear. You don’t have to offer an opinion at all when he complains. Just pay attention, hear him out and move on with the conversation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)