DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been a smoker for years, and although I know it's a terrible habit, I just couldn't quit. However, I never wanted my kids to pick up on it. That's why I was devastated to find out that my daughter has started smoking cigarettes, too. She's in her early 20s, and I know that I can't force her to stop. I'm at a loss as to what to do. How can I get her to understand the dangers of smoking without being a total hypocrite? -- Don’t Smoke

DEAR DON’T SMOKE: Talk to your daughter directly and tell her how concerned you are about her smoking. Admit out loud that you realize you have been a terrible example because you smoke. Offer to quit with her. As hard as it will be to quit this addictive habit, the only way you stand a chance of getting your daughter to stop is if you decide to stop yourself. See if she is willing to go on this journey with you. It will be incredibly difficult, but if you two do it together, it may bring you closer and possibly be successful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend at work and I are up for the same promotion. As far as I know, only one of us can get it, and it’s making me sick to my stomach to think of having to compete with her. We both deserve to advance at work, and I don’t think it’s smart for either of us to back down from trying for this promotion. The thing is, I don’t know how to talk about it with her. I worry that we won’t be friends after the decision is made. It doesn’t seem fair that excelling in the workplace could lead to the end of our friendship. Can you suggest a way for us to live through this? In some ways, she is more important to me than my work, but I know I need to take my career seriously. -- In Competition

DEAR IN COMPETITION: Why not talk about your situation directly? Sit down with your friend and remind her of how much you care about her as well as how ambitious you know you both are. State the obvious: You both are going for the promotion that’s available, and it’s likely that only one person can get promoted. Agree to do your best as you compete for this role. Agree to be honest and aboveboard as you pitch for yourselves, and acknowledge that you both have to go all out in order to stand a chance. Also note that somebody else could possibly win this promotion, and neither of you should take for granted that it will be yours. In your discussion, do your best to agree to remain friends no matter what happens. Then go for it.

By the way, don’t talk to your friend about your process of preparation. Put on your work hat and hunker down. Do all that you can to get ready and to show your talents without ever disparaging her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a physical that included a range of blood work. Some of the tests came back abnormal, and now I have to go back for more blood work.

This is so scary to me. I want to talk to someone about it, but whenever I tell my husband about my health concerns, he doesn’t listen. Instead, he immediately starts lecturing me about what I should do to improve my health. That is not what I need right now. I need support, someone to hold my hand and help me have the courage and strength to go through this process.

I know my husband means well, but his manner is grating on me. Should I start keeping my health concerns from him? Is it OK for me to ask someone else to be my rock during this time? I think my best friend or my sister would be more helpful as I go through the process of learning about my health and discovering what I need to do about it. -- Need Support

DEAR NEED SUPPORT: Now is not the time for you to be worrying about hurting your husband’s feelings. This is your life and your health. Whatever you need to do to walk through this moment and get the most out of it is what you should be concentrating on. It is perfectly fine for you to ask a friend or your sister to go with you to your doctor’s appointments or to talk through the results and recommendations after your visits.

It can be helpful to have an advocate to stay apprised of what you discover. That person may also think of questions that you may have missed. It’s one thing to get a diagnosis and another to figure out a plan of action for improving your health. Invite the person you think will be most helpful to you. Be sure to get their full agreement.

When the time is right, you can inform your husband of what is going on and how you are tackling your health issues -- if you so choose. What’s most important is that you address your problems and do your part to get healthy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine used to be married to a woman I know. I hung out with him the other day, and she came up in the conversation. It was kind of awkward. He remains in touch with her because they have children and grandchildren together, but the issues they had when they were married flare up from time to time. I saw him get worked up all over again when he described how they interacted recently. All I did was listen -- except when I commented that I bet he is glad they aren’t still married. I don’t think I offended him, but I also don’t want to bad-mouth anyone. How can I stay neutral when my friend goes off about his ex? -- Neutral Zone

DEAR NEUTRAL ZONE: Be a good listener. Chances are, your friend most needs to bend your ear. You don’t have to offer an opinion at all when he complains. Just pay attention, hear him out and move on with the conversation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I deleted all of my social media accounts a month ago. I thought that I would get a lot of text messages from my friends asking what was going on or why I deleted everything. To my surprise, only a few of my close friends seemed to have noticed, and nobody else reached out to me at all. I have some friends I spoke to only through social media, but now I haven't heard from them in weeks. Does this mean that those people aren't really my friends, or am I just being overly sensitive? -- No One Noticed

DEAR NO ONE NOTICED: Good for you that you have taken a hiatus from social media. So many of us get completely caught up in the interaction of the virtual world that it can seem more real than everyday life.

What you are experiencing is showing you a few things. First of all, it could be that your friends simply aren’t as engaged on social media as you had thought. If they regularly reacted to your posts, it may be because they showed up in their feed, making it easy for them to react. They didn’t have to do much because the post was directly in front of them. So some of your friends may not even realize that you have checked out. That doesn’t make them less of a friend. Instead, it reflects the convenience of social media. Without it, a little more effort is required to stay in touch.

As to your online-only friends, are you sure they have your contact information beyond social media? Could you reach out to them instead?

The fact that your closest friends reached out is a strong sign of your relationships with them. When you have genuinely close friendships, those people will seek you out if they can’t find you in your likely places. Don’t be mad at the people you haven’t heard from. Be aware of who your true friends are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had my heart set on surprising my husband with a birthday gift that he had been talking about for weeks. Unfortunately, his sister beat me to it and bought him the present before I had the chance to. I was so invested in making him feel special. I feel like it shouldn’t upset me as much as it does, but I really wanted to be the one to surprise him with the present. Shouldn’t she have told me what she planned to get him for his birthday? Should I address this with her? -- That Was My Idea

DEAR THAT WAS MY IDEA: You should stand down. Clearly your husband wanted this thing. Since he didn’t say it just to you, everyone in earshot had an equal opportunity to fulfill his wishes. His sister jumped on it. If you had wanted to be the one to secure this present, you should have told the people he had been sharing his desires with. Remember that this is his day, not yours. Don’t spoil the fun by trying to make his sister feel guilty. Choose something else to give to him to add joy to his day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)