DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 28, and I live in a small apartment complex where everyone knows each other. My neighbor, a gentleman in his 50s, saw me smoking a cigarette the other day and decided to take it upon himself to lecture me on the dangers of smoking. Although I appreciated his concern, his lecture was unwelcome. I intend to quit smoking at some point, but I don’t need my neighbor to intervene. I fear that the next time I bump into him, he will give me another lecture. What can I do to make him understand that his unsolicited advice is not helping? I’m a grown adult, and I don’t need lectures. -- Good Intentions

DEAR GOOD INTENTIONS: As you know, your neighbor expressed his concerns out of genuine care for you. Remember that when you speak to him. It is your right to do whatever you want with your life and your body. Provided that the cigarette smoke is not contaminating your neighbors’ air, you should be able to smoke in peace.

That said, it is likely that this man will either say something or scowl at you the next time he sees a cigarette in your hand. Can you say something? Yes, but be careful. You can thank him for his concern, but put up a guardrail. Tell him you know what you are doing. When you decide to quit, you will. Politely ask him to refrain from giving you advice on this topic in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked a close friend for help moving a few months ago, and she promised me that she would be there to assist me. Unfortunately, when the day came, she bailed on me without any warning. Now, she's come to me asking for help with something that's far less important, and I feel resentful about the whole situation. On one hand, I don't want to be petty, but on the other hand, it feels unfair that she expects me to be there for her when she wasn't there for me when I needed her the most. How can I handle this situation with grace and without causing further drama in our friendship? -- Unfair

DEAR UNFAIR: Since this is bothering you, talk to her about it. Don’t let it simmer under your skin. Get it out in the open. Tell her how disappointed you were when she bailed on you at a critical time. Describe to her how difficult it was for you to complete your move without her and how upset you were that she would leave you in the lurch like that. Ask her why she made the choice not to show up for you. Then be quiet. Give her space to answer -- even if that space includes awkward silence.

You can follow up and tell her that you don’t feel inclined to do anything for her right now as you are still upset about her abandoning you in your time of need. Tell her you need some time, so you are stepping away for a bit. This may get your friend to think about her behavior more seriously. If you tend to swallow your feelings and do whatever she needs no matter how she behaves, she may not even realize the impact of her bad actions. It’s time for you to stand up for yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a relatively new relationship with a really nice guy. Everything was going well up until about two weeks ago when he randomly asked me for money. He claimed that he needed it urgently. It was a small amount, so I gave it to him, making him promise that it would be a one-time thing. Unfortunately, he's asked me again since then. I’m confused because he showed no sign of having money problems when we first started seeing each other. Could he have been hiding his financial struggles from me all along? How do I handle this? -- I’m Not a Bank

DEAR HARRIETTE: A dear friend of mine recently got me a job at the company she works for. She’s one of the head supervisors. Since I started at the company, I have noticed that my other colleagues haven’t warmed up to me. I am worried that because I am obviously close friends with a supervisor, the other employees don’t feel comfortable around me. It has been challenging to find my place within the team, and it seems like my co-workers are avoiding me. I don’t want to be an outcast at work. How do I make friends with my co-workers? -- Left Out

DEAR LEFT OUT: You probably should cool your relationship with your supervisor friend at work. Agree to stop interacting with her all the time. Create space to get to know the rest of the team. Then work on building rapport with them. Identify one or two people you like, and pay attention to them. Invite them for coffee or drinks after work. Set an intention to get to know them. Give it time. Building relationships takes effort and commitment. It can’t seem performative on your part. You have to demonstrate that you truly want to know these people. You also cannot go back to your friend and share what you learn about them. Then you would be labeled a snitch, which would make your whole plan backfire.

Your friend got you into the company. It is up to you to craft how you will grow there. That requires building relationships with other people on the team.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three friends who have suffered strokes in the past year. It has been devastating to see them struggle to heal. At first this got me motivated to take better care of myself, including eating smarter and becoming more active. Then I sort of slipped back into my old ways of being -- working all the time, not always watching my calorie intake ... same old, same old. I know better, but I also realize it is hard to change my behavior. What can I do to help get myself on a healthier track? I do not want to end up dealing with a health crisis that I have the ability to avert by acting now. How can I jump-start my fitness? -- Unmotivated

DEAR UNMOTIVATED: Start with a medical checkup. Determine everything you can about your health status. Find out what you need to work on to become a healthier you. Write down everything your doctor recommends. You already know that includes regular physical exercise. Make a plan for what you will eat and how you will move. If possible, enlist the support of an accountability partner -- someone you trust who will cheer for you and possibly go with you to work out. Write down your tasks for each day -- those that are for your health and those for the rest of your life. Check them off your list as you complete them. Stay in close touch with your friends who are recovering as well. Learning more about their plight may remind you to stay the course.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I complain too much about my marriage, and I realize now that my friends are tired of hearing about it. At first, I told virtually no one, but over time, I have needed to confide in others to help myself process what I’m dealing with. The problem is that I haven’t left my husband even though my issues haven’t changed over quite a few years. One of my friends asked me the other day if I had decided to stay in my marriage. I responded that I hadn’t decided anything. I just haven’t done anything yet. She gave me a quizzical look, but it got me thinking. I don’t know what to do. I’m not happy with the status quo. I’m not sure that I can afford to live by myself. I haven’t convinced my husband to go to therapy yet. We are at a standstill. I need help taking some kind of action, and I realize that my friends can’t help me get there. -- SOS

DEAR SOS: A professional therapist should have the tools to help you talk through your situation and come to terms with what is going on in your life. You are correct in believing that your friends are not equipped to advise you on this. You need to figure out what you want for your life, what resources you need to fulfill your desires and how to acquire those if you don’t already have them. That includes gaining the tools to communicate with your husband more effectively. Engage a professional and make a timeline for addressing your concerns.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)