DEAR HARRIETTE: I got passed over for a promotion at my job, and I am wrecked. I have been working so hard to complete my work and to take on more projects. I always have a good attitude and work well with people, though I will admit that I am an introvert. I do not hang out with my co-workers at the end of the day. I do not drink. I stick to myself and go home when the work is done. I feel like I may have been penalized for not being social with the team. I want to talk to my boss about it and see what I can do to prepare for a promotion. I don’t want to complain, but I do want to set myself up for success. How should I bring this up? -- Overlooked

DEAR OVERLOOKED: Schedule a meeting with your boss, and have a list of things that you have accomplished that have benefited your company so that you can share them. Start by saying how much you enjoy working at this company, what you have learned and that you believe you have been doing a good job. Point out a few of the highlights of your accomplishments this year as examples of your hard work. Then tell your boss you were disappointed when you did not receive a promotion. Ask what you can do to position yourself better for a promotion in the future. Listen to what your boss has to say. You can also ask if being an introvert is working to your disadvantage. Explain that you like your co-workers, but you mostly prefer to keep to yourself. Is that working against you?

Whatever your boss says, know that it is important to build relationships with people at your job. Work is more than doing the tasks at hand. You need to build alliances with others. You need people to have your back and to stand up for you. Make that your next priority.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been cleaning out my closet and have collected an entire wardrobe of barely worn clothes to give away. There is a woman at my job who is about the size of this collection of clothes (smaller than I am today), and I know she could use them. She has a very limited wardrobe. How do I go about offering them to her without making her uncomfortable? -- Making an Offering

DEAR MAKING AN OFFERING: Speak to this woman in private and tell her what you have been doing. You had been holding onto clothes that you thought were special, but you realize now it makes no sense to keep things that don’t fit. Rather than giving them to charity, you want to give them to someone you know who might appreciate them. Tell her you thought of her. You believe they are her size and potentially her style. Ask her if she would like to see them. If so, arrange for a time to share them with her outside of the office. Be sure to tell her that they are a gift. If she cannot use them, she can feel free to give them away, or you can donate them. Also, be clear that the gift is between you. She can share that you gave them to her if she likes, but it is for her to share -- not you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that a former colleague of mine has expressed interest in dating my adult daughter. This colleague has known my daughter since she was a young child, so I feel extremely uncomfortable about this situation -- and a little angry. My daughter is in her late 20s now, so the decision is ultimately up to her, but even if they were to hit it off, I know I’d never be OK with it. He is quite a bit older than she is, and it just rubs me the wrong way. Am I wrong for feeling this way? -- Stay Away

DEAR STAY AWAY: Step back a moment and think about your colleague. What redeeming qualities does this man have as a person? What do you know about his relationship history? Has he ever done anything untoward regarding your daughter? Did he come to you first to express interest in her before asking her out? Assess as much as you can about him and his character. It is understandably unnerving for this to be happening, but you are not in control of this. If this man seems to be an honorable person, stand back and see how things unfold. You can tell him of your reservations and warn him not to hurt your daughter.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a board member of my church for a long time, and it's a big part of my life. I am in a relatively new relationship with someone who is not interested in discussing church or religion and refuses to attend church-related events. This makes it hard for me to balance my personal life and my involvement in the church. I want to respect my partner's beliefs, and I am worried that trying to convince them to come to events with me will ultimately push them away. At the same time, it’s important to me that they at least try to come to an event with me every once in a while. What should I do? -- Trying To Compromise

DEAR TRYING TO COMPROMISE: I understand why you want to make space for this person, but it doesn’t sound like they are reciprocating. If your church life is that important to you, how are you going to make this work? While you may be able to live with them not being an active part of your church life, it seems unreasonable for them to be completely uninvolved. Yes, there are couples of different faiths or who have other significant differences who make it work, but is that what you want? Step back and look at the big picture of your life. What do you want? How do you envision your partner fitting into your life and you into theirs? What compromises are you willing to make to be in a relationship with someone? Answer those questions carefully and honestly. If you think you can do it, continue on. If not, let them know how you feel. Perhaps setting your boundaries will help them to decide how flexible they are willing to be.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'll be moving across the country soon, and my female best friend really wants to make the drive with me for our last little adventure together. I have to transport some heavy items, and my friend and I aren't the strongest or the most agile. I can’t afford movers at the moment, so it would just be a move-in crew of two. I have a large, strong male friend who offered to make the drive with me and help me move instead. I can bring only one person. I could really use my male friend’s help, but there’s nothing I want more than to spend this trip with my girl best friend. What should I do? -- Tough Decision

DEAR TOUGH DECISION: Now is a time to be practical. You need to bring your strong friend with you for this move. When you reach your destination, it will not be fun or effective to be unpacking with someone who does not have the physical strength or stamina to do the job, especially when you have an alternative before you.

Talk to your friend and explain the situation. Think about another time when you might be able to have an adventure with her. Just because you are moving, it does not mean the end of your interactions with each other. Position it like that, and start planning for your next special time together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend recently picked up a smoking habit while living abroad, and she asked me to hold her accountable and push her to quit. However, whenever I bring it up or remind her of her goal to quit, she gets angry with me. I'm not sure what to do -- I don't want her to keep getting angry with me, but I also don't want to stand by and watch her harm herself with cigarettes. What’s the best way to handle this? -- Accountability

DEAR ACCOUNTABILITY: Smoking is an addiction. While your friend probably does truly want to quit, her willpower isn't strong enough for her to accomplish her goal. It is also true that it is not your job to save your friend. Schedule a time to talk to her face to face. Remind her of her request for you to help her quit smoking. Describe to her the times that you have made the effort and how she has reacted. While you want more than anything for her to stop this nasty habit, tell her you are unwilling to suffer her abuse as you try to help.

Ask her again how serious she is about quitting. If she remains interested, recommend that she see her doctor for medical strategies that may help her to quit. From gum to the patch to medications, there are many ways to curb the desire. Ultimately it is going to be up to her and her will to fight this awful habit. Let her know that you will help only if she can communicate with you in a respectful way. Otherwise, she is on her own.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)