DEAR HARRIETTE: I'll be moving across the country soon, and my female best friend really wants to make the drive with me for our last little adventure together. I have to transport some heavy items, and my friend and I aren't the strongest or the most agile. I can’t afford movers at the moment, so it would just be a move-in crew of two. I have a large, strong male friend who offered to make the drive with me and help me move instead. I can bring only one person. I could really use my male friend’s help, but there’s nothing I want more than to spend this trip with my girl best friend. What should I do? -- Tough Decision

DEAR TOUGH DECISION: Now is a time to be practical. You need to bring your strong friend with you for this move. When you reach your destination, it will not be fun or effective to be unpacking with someone who does not have the physical strength or stamina to do the job, especially when you have an alternative before you.

Talk to your friend and explain the situation. Think about another time when you might be able to have an adventure with her. Just because you are moving, it does not mean the end of your interactions with each other. Position it like that, and start planning for your next special time together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend recently picked up a smoking habit while living abroad, and she asked me to hold her accountable and push her to quit. However, whenever I bring it up or remind her of her goal to quit, she gets angry with me. I'm not sure what to do -- I don't want her to keep getting angry with me, but I also don't want to stand by and watch her harm herself with cigarettes. What’s the best way to handle this? -- Accountability

DEAR ACCOUNTABILITY: Smoking is an addiction. While your friend probably does truly want to quit, her willpower isn't strong enough for her to accomplish her goal. It is also true that it is not your job to save your friend. Schedule a time to talk to her face to face. Remind her of her request for you to help her quit smoking. Describe to her the times that you have made the effort and how she has reacted. While you want more than anything for her to stop this nasty habit, tell her you are unwilling to suffer her abuse as you try to help.

Ask her again how serious she is about quitting. If she remains interested, recommend that she see her doctor for medical strategies that may help her to quit. From gum to the patch to medications, there are many ways to curb the desire. Ultimately it is going to be up to her and her will to fight this awful habit. Let her know that you will help only if she can communicate with you in a respectful way. Otherwise, she is on her own.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got together with my ex after being apart for nearly 30 years. We had two good years together, but then he went back to his old ways. He started lying and not following through on promises. It is so sad and disappointing, but I feel like I have given him every chance I could. I can’t trust him anymore. That’s why we broke up in the first place. He has been so hopeful, though, that I hate to let him down. I know he counts on me for being his rock, but I don’t feel safe being with him when I never know if he is going to show up when he says he will or be in a decent mood or simply be a human being. I bet he is what is known as a narcissist. He won’t see a therapist, so there is no diagnosis, but what I am experiencing is a man who thinks only of himself. That is not the kind of partner I want. How do I let him know that his second chance is over? -- No More Second Chances

DEAR NO MORE SECOND CHANCES: If you are done, say as much to him. There is no rule that says your job is to care for this man. If he has proven, twice now, that he does not know how to care for your heart, believe it. To paraphrase Maya Angelou, when somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time. You need to accept what this man has shown you to be true about his behavior. Give yourself credit for trying one more time, but let him go. You don’t have to wish him bad thoughts. You simply have to understand that he is not your soulmate. And that’s OK.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and his wife are expecting their first child together, and I am thrilled for them. However, I am growing increasingly concerned about my sister-in-law's lack of caution during her pregnancy. As someone who has had three children of my own, I feel confident in my knowledge of the do’s and don'ts of pregnancy. I am constantly seeing my sister-in-law do things that make me worry for the safety of her and her unborn child. There are specific foods that you are supposed to stay away from while pregnant, and I’ve seen her eat them on multiple occasions. I can only imagine what she’s doing in private. How do I approach her about this delicately? -- Careless

DEAR CARELESS: Now is not the time to mince words. Sit down with your sister-in-law and tell her you need to share some important information with her. Remind her of the obvious -- you have given birth to three children already -- and there are some things you have learned about pregnancy that you believe she should know. Make a list and share it with her. Point out the foods that are considered unsafe to eat, along with the impact eating them may have. Tell her about any other behavior of hers that worries you. Note that pregnancy is a short but critical time for the life and health of the baby. Encourage her to be more cautious.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started playing games on my phone during the pandemic, and I realized today that I am totally hooked. That may seem childish, but more importantly, it is expensive. These games lure you in, and the next thing you know, you are spending money to buy more chances to do something. The dollars add up fast. The game is fun, but the bill at the end of the month is outrageous. I probably spent several thousand dollars this summer playing games. How can I wean myself off of this habit? I am not a teenager. I can’t even believe I have been this stupid. It’s nuts, but I love it. How can I stop? -- Addicted

DEAR ADDICTED: You have taken the first step by acknowledging that you have a problem. Now it’s time for your self-discipline to kick in.

Give yourself a reality check. How much money do you earn every month? Do you have a fixed income, or do your earnings vary from month to month? Figure out what your average income is and write it down. Next, make a list of all of your bills each month. Write it down, starting with fixed expenses. Then add incidentals, down to every little thing -- including gaming. When you look at it in black and white, it may become easier for you to recognize where your money is going.

If possible, delete the games that have costs attached to them. Give yourself boundaries around when you can use your phone. Store your phone in another room when you are sleeping. Get therapy if you need further support to stop your addiction. Just know that you can do it. You only have to make up your mind that the games will not run your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I never thought I was a micromanager as a mother, but now I’m not so sure. There are terms like “helicopter mom,” which I hate, but I see that I am way more involved in my son’s life than he would like. He is in college in another state, living on his own. He is making his own decisions, but I can’t help but check in on him to see what he’s doing. College is expensive, and I need to make sure he is doing the work. We cannot afford to have him go to college for longer than four years. How can I ensure that he will stay serious about his studies if I am not checking in on him? -- Striking a Balance

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: If you are certain that you cannot pay beyond four years for your son’s college education, tell him that -- and be firm. Add that you are no longer going to hover over him to make sure he stays the course. Now is the time for him to become responsible. If he does not complete his coursework on time, he will have to pay the consequences, including additional tuition if it comes to that. Make that clear to him, and then step back. He must learn how to be an adult. You cannot do it for him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)