DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently paid for an Airbnb rental for four days. The host was extremely attentive and accommodating leading up to my check-in date. When I arrived, the place was not what I was expecting at all. It looked nothing like the pictures. I immediately contacted the host and requested a refund, then canceled my reservation through the app. The host apologized profusely and was very kind. He said it was a big misunderstanding, and I believe him. A few days later, I received my money back from Airbnb directly, not the host. The host wrote me an email explaining that he is now banned from hosting because I took my complaint to the company and didn’t allow him to handle it himself. I feel guilty. Was I wrong? -- Misunderstanding

DEAR MISUNDERSTANDING: You were not wrong. The host is not your friend, even though he was kind. He is the one who used the app. That’s how you connected with him. The host knows that the space you got is different from the one he advertised. While it is unfortunate that he got banned, it is not your fault.

What you could do is write to Airbnb to tell them how gracious the host was to you, even though the space wasn’t up to par. Your follow-up note through the app may soften the repercussions, but please remember that you did nothing wrong and the host certainly did.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few months ago, I gave a referral to a former classmate for an opening at the company I work for. A mutual friend of ours had asked if I would help her out, and I did. She got the job, and she’s been with the company for almost two months now. Since she's been hired, she barely acknowledges me. She thanked me for my help but hardly says anything to me at all at work. I’m lucky if she says hi to me on certain days. While we weren't particularly close before, I feel that she should at least be friendly toward me. I barely knew her, and I did something extremely nice for her. What should I do or say? -- Ungrateful

DEAR UNGRATEFUL: You acknowledge that this woman thanked you for the introduction to the company and for your help. If she is someone you did not know before and had no relationship with, there really is not much more you should expect. You should not be looking to her for anything. Would it be wise on her part to befriend you? Sure, but it is not required by etiquette. You did a nice thing for her, and that’s that. Move on. Live your life. Don’t look to her for any type of acknowledgment. She was a stranger and still is. You don’t have to feel any way about it.

I will add, though, that when you refer people for jobs, you should make sure that you review their credentials and feel certain that you want to endorse them. Why? Because your word counts. Referring someone you barely know for a job comes with risks.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day I was driving home with my husband when he got a call from a good friend of his. His friend was venting about being unhappy with the base salary at his new job. My husband then revealed that he should be happy with that salary, and how it is more than I am making now. Though I don't believe that my husband had malicious intent, I was angry that he disclosed my salary without my permission. I told him then and there that he had no right to offer that information to his friend, and his defense was that he would not care if I did the same to him. Am I overreacting? I’m still fairly upset that I didn’t get an apology. -- Private Info

DEAR PRIVATE INFO: Don’t wait for an apology. You could be waiting for a long time. What you can do is establish clear lines of demarcation for what you consider to be private about your life. Think about what else you don’t want your husband to share. Because couples typically talk about everything in detail -- including a lot of intimacies that you would never want shared with others -- it makes sense that you might need to draw the line about certain things. Finances are likely at the top of the list, as are health issues, family challenges ... what else? Make a list and recommend that he do the same. This is something you may want to consider doing from time to time to ensure that you are on the same page.

Also, if you know that your spouse finds it difficult to keep certain information to himself, you may choose to withhold sensitive details as an extra layer of protection. That may seem counterintuitive for a married couple, but you need to know your partner and manage information accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Since moving to a new city for work, I’ve had trouble meeting people. A former classmate who lives in the same area asked me out for dinner, and I went. It was clear to me that he was hoping for more than friendship, but I’m not romantically interested in him. Nevertheless, I’m considering spending more time with him to see if he’ll invite me to join his circle of friends. That way I’ll know people other than just him. Would you say this is a good approach, or could it end up backfiring? -- Need Friends

DEAR NEED FRIENDS: Yes, you should continue to spend time with this friend, but you must be honest with him. Tell him you like him as a friend, but nothing more. Ask him if he would consider inviting you to other events where you can meet people. Tell him candidly you have not met people in the area yet and want to expand your network. Find out if he is willing to include you in his circle. By being upfront about how you feel about him, hopefully he will understand and be willing to open up his circle and invite you in. But don’t stop there. Pay attention to your co-workers and neighbors. Notice the people who interest you, and reach out to them to do something social. You have to put forth some effort to make inroads into meeting more people.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been suffering from a bad cold for a couple of weeks now. I still have had to work and go about my life. I had taken several COVID-19 tests -- and every other test that the doctor would give me. All they say is it’s a cold. But I continue to cough, so people look at me like I’m going to kill them when I am out. I often pipe up and say that I don’t have COVID. I stayed home as long as I could, but I have to work. I feel bad that the cough is lingering. How can I make others feel safer when I’m still hacking up a storm? -- Lingering Cough

DEAR LINGERING COUGH: While you are still coughing, you may want to wear a mask. That will help prevent you from sharing your germs with anyone else and will show others that you aren’t feeling well. That is the new sign of precaution, thanks to COVID-19.

While you say you have to continue with your life, you may also want to give yourself some grace and get more rest. Even though a cold is not the flu or COVID or something even worse, it is still real. When our bodies are fighting off germs, the best thing we can do for them is to treat them with TLC. Go to what you must, but stay home as much as possible and allow yourself time to heal fully. When you are out, the mask will help you to send a precautionary message to others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent the summer out of town and have just moved back home. What I am facing here is more than I can handle. I basically abandoned my home, packed up my essentials and left without tidying, organizing or anything. I have been fighting with my husband for the entire year, and my house looks like it. It’s a total mess. I don’t even know where to start. He is of no help, but I need to climb out of this mess. I don’t really want to ask friends to help because it’s embarrassing. How do I go about getting help? -- Under a Pile

DEAR UNDER A PILE: You probably need to get some counseling to deal with the emotional issues that have precipitated the physical ones. While it make shock you, it’s possible you’ve entered a hoarding situation, and believe it or not, hoarding is considered to be a mental condition that often needs mental health therapy to address. Start by finding a therapist who can work with you on the things that are bothering you. You can also research cleaning companies that specialize in hoarding who can come in, assess your needs and create a plan for cleaning out your space. This may be hard for you to do, but if you find experts, they can help you tackle your home and make order where there is none. Take it slowly, but stay the course. This is not easy to do, but with professional help, you should be able to make some headway into your clutter -- both emotionally and physically.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)