DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day I was driving home with my husband when he got a call from a good friend of his. His friend was venting about being unhappy with the base salary at his new job. My husband then revealed that he should be happy with that salary, and how it is more than I am making now. Though I don't believe that my husband had malicious intent, I was angry that he disclosed my salary without my permission. I told him then and there that he had no right to offer that information to his friend, and his defense was that he would not care if I did the same to him. Am I overreacting? I’m still fairly upset that I didn’t get an apology. -- Private Info
DEAR PRIVATE INFO: Don’t wait for an apology. You could be waiting for a long time. What you can do is establish clear lines of demarcation for what you consider to be private about your life. Think about what else you don’t want your husband to share. Because couples typically talk about everything in detail -- including a lot of intimacies that you would never want shared with others -- it makes sense that you might need to draw the line about certain things. Finances are likely at the top of the list, as are health issues, family challenges ... what else? Make a list and recommend that he do the same. This is something you may want to consider doing from time to time to ensure that you are on the same page.
Also, if you know that your spouse finds it difficult to keep certain information to himself, you may choose to withhold sensitive details as an extra layer of protection. That may seem counterintuitive for a married couple, but you need to know your partner and manage information accordingly.