DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a valued employee who has worked with me for several years. She is hitting her stride, doing very well for my small company. I fear that she is about to leave. I gave her a raise this year, which I thought was an incentive and proof that I value her, but I don’t know if it’s enough. I cannot give her another raise yet. My income is not stable enough. What can I do to let her know how much I value her and want her to continue to grow with me? -- Please Stay

DEAR PLEASE STAY: Talk to her about her plans. Ask her how she likes working for you and if she is happy. Tell her how much you appreciate her and want her to continue to work with you. Ask her if she wants to stay, and find out what her career goals are. Listen carefully to what she says. You may not be able to offer her extra dollars, but figure out if you can offer her other opportunities within your business to help her grow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have way too much stuff, and I seem to keep accumulating more. I don’t know that I am a hoarder, but I am sure that I need to declutter my environment. Whenever I start the process of letting go of stuff, it ends with me putting things in another part of my home rather than purging. I don’t have much money, so I can’t hire a professional organizer. I’m also embarrassed by how messed up my place is. I do have a friend who offered to help, but I fear that she will judge me if she comes into my space. Should I let her help me? What can I do to turn my life around? I wish I could just vacuum it all away -- except I would never be able to do that. What should I do? -- Don’t Want To Be a Hoarder

DEAR DON’T WANT TO BE A HOARDER: Consider it a gift that you have a friend who has offered to help you. Yes, it will be hard to let her in, but it can be worth it, at least as a start. Talk to her in advance and ask her to keep it confidential -- everything she sees and what she does to help you. You need to trust her, so ask her to agree to that. Find out what tools she needs to help you with cleaning -- trash bags, boxes, etc. Get what you can to make the process more efficient. Then, the biggest step is to let her into your space. Do your best to be calm. Allow her to assess the situation. Perhaps you can choose one room to work on at first. Let her make recommendations for what you can let go of. This will be difficult, but you have to say goodbye to things in order to declutter.

In addition to working with your friend for as long as she will help you, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in hoarding. You can gain tools for managing your propensity to collect things.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a new girl at work, and although I have been nothing but friendly and helpful to her, she has this annoying habit of talking to me as if I'm the newbie in the office. Sometimes she even goes to the extent of explaining things that I already know like the back of my hand. I’m very good at my job, and I’ve been promoted several times since I started working here nearly four years ago. I need to have a serious talk with her about why she feels the need to explain things to me. How should I approach her about this? -- You’re the Newbie

DEAR YOU’RE THE NEWBIE: Stop letting this co-worker get under your skin. You know your job. Be confident in that. When she starts with her explanations, you have a few choices of how to react. Choose one depending on the nature of the moment. You can ignore her completely. Do not respond. Do not react. Just continue with what you were doing. You can challenge her a bit. Ask her if she is saying these things out loud to remind herself of how to do this task. (It's true that some people learn better that way.) You can interrupt her and pivot the conversation to another subject. Or you can walk away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had an uncomfortable experience during a Zoom call with two female work colleagues. While waiting for the rest of our team to join the call, we started discussing our nails and showing our manicures to the camera. One colleague made a thoughtless comment about how both mine and the other colleague's nails were “a little too ghetto” for her. The problem is that the woman who made that comment is white, and the other colleague and I are Black. While I knew she was joking, the joke didn’t go over too well with the other colleague. I have a closer relationship with the woman who made the joke, so I feel the need to fix this situation before the other colleague complains to the higher-ups. How do I fix the situation without getting the white colleague fired? -- Bad Joke

DEAR BAD JOKE: That joke was definitely in poor taste. Speak to the offender and let her know she crossed a line when she made that comment. Explain that calling something “ghetto” is inappropriate and has no place at work. Suggest to her that she apologize to your other colleague, admitting that she made a mistake and did not mean to offend either of you. People make mistakes. It’s how they handle the aftermath that is essential. In this case, the offender has an opportunity to learn and correct her microaggression. But she needs to understand that it was wrong. Otherwise, it will just be lip service.

You can make your recommendation to her, but don’t defend her. She was wrong. She has to make up for her behavior. Don’t make the mistake of getting mixed up in her mess.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always been an outsider, and not by choice. It just seems to happen. I started a job this year where I thought it might be different. We all go into the office, and on many occasions a group of people my age go out after work for drinks or whatever they do. They have never invited me. I’m kind of shy, so I haven’t gotten up the courage to ask to go. I do talk to them when I see them in the hall or in the lunchroom, but the conversation never goes anywhere. How can I get them to see me and invite me to go out with them? -- Outside the Group

DEAR OUTSIDE THE GROUP: If you want the chance to join this group at work, you have to say something. Who in the group have you talked to the most? Strike up a conversation with that person. You may want to invite that person to have drinks with you after work one day. Or you can go straight for the big ask. Tell this person that you have noticed that they go out a lot and you would like to join some time. Ask if that would be possible. It could be that they never thought about it. They have been doing their thing together for so long, they might be on autopilot. Put yourself out there and ask. You may be surprised at how easy it will be to get an invitation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am friends with an extremely dysfunctional family. I love them all, but sometimes it’s hard to listen to them as they each individually complain about the others to me. Their level of animosity is off the charts, and each of them thinks they are right and the others are all wrong. I never share an opinion because I don’t want to take sides, and I have figured out that each of them has good points. It seems that nobody is 100% right or wrong.

I tire of the drama and am concerned about how they are going to manage over time. Both of their parents are dead. They have each other, but they don’t act like it. They just fuss and point fingers and take turns not speaking to each other. It’s awful. How can I be of better help to them? -- Feuding Siblings

DEAR FEUDING SIBLINGS: There is not much that you can do. Since you seem invested in this family, you should create boundaries for your own protection. Allow a fixed amount of time that you will listen to their complaints. After that time is up, tell them you can’t listen any longer. Continue to remain neutral. Your opinion will only feed the flame. You can state as much -- you are intentionally not sharing your personal thoughts about the matter. Be helpful when you see a need. Since the siblings are not supporting each other right now, jump in if you notice something concrete that you can address, but don’t become a crutch. Just be a friend.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)