DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for two years. My husband and I live in Europe, and our families live in Africa and America. While we love the fact that we can live abroad during our younger years, it is hard to manage building our lives together and seeing family regularly. Time and money become major issues.

So far, we have had to go separately to visit them. I know that’s not ideal, but we can’t yet afford to do two big trips for both of us annually. My in-laws seem to think that I don’t want to visit them. They have said to my husband that I don’t like them, and that’s why I haven’t gone to Africa to see them. That is not true.

How do I show my interest in getting closer to his family, even though I can’t travel there right now? -- Making an Effort

DEAR MAKING AN EFFORT: Let technology support you. If your in-laws use smartphones, you can use any number of technologies to help you make video calls where you talk with them and you can see each other. WhatsApp is free and has a video feature. Similarly, FaceTime allows you to video chat if you have an iPhone. I’m sure there are many others. Schedule regular calls -- once per month, or more frequently if you think you can be consistent. Offer what you can manage. This will show your commitment and respect for them. Tell them stories about your life together and ask them about theirs. Build a natural rapport with them. This should help foster closeness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is independent, even though she is relatively young. She is a rising sophomore in college. When it was time for her to go back to school -- a plane ride away -- I had to be out of town. My husband helped her get herself and her things to the airport. She was fine, but I was talking to a friend who told me that he escorted his son of the same age on a plane to his school to help him unpack and get organized. I felt like a terrible mom after hearing this. Was I wrong to let my daughter fend for herself? -- You Can Do It

DEAR YOU CAN DO IT: Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to create unnecessary doubt and confusion in your life. You don’t know what that other student required in order to get settled into his school year or any other reasons your friend felt the need to get on that plane with him. Focus on your own child. How did your daughter manage? Did she feel supported? Did she manage to get her things in order in her dorm room or apartment? If she has lingering issues or needs, tend to them with her. Helping your daughter learn to be independent is one of the most important gifts you can give her. Even if she had some bumps along the way in travel or setup, that’s OK. She is learning. That is good.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently made the difficult decision to sever ties with my sibling due to ongoing disrespectful behavior toward me. Although my mother has expressed sadness over our lack of communication, my sibling has yet to acknowledge their actions or apologize for their behavior. I tried to communicate my feelings with them and hoped for change, but nothing seemed to work. It hurts me to not have them in my life, but the constant negativity was too much to handle. My sibling has severe anger and behavioral issues, so as the level-headed one, I am left feeling guilty even though I am not the one who disrespected them. Was I wrong to sever ties? How do I know that I am doing the right thing? -- Protecting My Peace

DEAR PROTECTING MY PEACE: Severing ties today does not necessarily have to mean forever. Perhaps some time apart will help your sibling to notice things about their behavior and your interactions that are worthy of addressing. Time will tell.

While your mother is sad, do your best not to talk negatively about your sibling to her. She loves you both, so it’s an impossible situation for her. It would break her spirit to have to take sides. Instead, just love her and be with her when the moment calls for it, and avoid talking about your sibling. Try not to feel guilty about things that you cannot control. Live your life and see if you can begin to feel less stressed by no longer interacting with your sibling. Find your peace and nurture that. As time goes by, see if there is a natural reconnection that happens. But don’t force it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is recklessly irresponsible when it comes to dealing with the IRS. He avoids doing his taxes and ignores mail that comes in from them. This has been stressing me out for years. Every time I bring it up, he screams at me and shuts down the conversation. Last week he got a letter from the IRS basically with an ultimatum. This time he sat down and told me about it. I recommended that he get on the phone with them and make a payment plan. I hope he does it, but I cannot take on this responsibility for him. I have tried to help him only to have to endure his hostility and rage. I did make it clear, though, that they will garnish his wages if he doesn’t handle his business. Is there anything else I can do to be supportive? I draw the line at doing his taxes for him. -- Facing the IRS

DEAR FACING THE IRS: You can help him establish a timeline for taking action. Perhaps you can create a calendar with him that includes the date he will call them -- TODAY -- followed by whatever dates he agrees to complete tasks. Let him be the guardian of the calendar. You can just help him to set it up so that he can honor whatever agreement he makes with them. Hopefully you two file separately so that if the IRS does garnish his wages, you are not directly impacted.

To learn about your eligibility to make a deal with the IRS, go to: irs.gov/businesses/small-businesses-self-employed/offer-in-compromise-faqs#:~:text=If%20you%20have%20a%20legitimate,pay%20the%20entire%20amount%20owed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend or family member who wrote me an anonymous note telling me that I should teach my 13-year-old son to have better hygiene. I opened my mailbox last week and found it, and I started crying. My family and I live on a farm, and my son loves to spend a lot of time with our pigs, cows and goats. He loves taking care of them every day because they are his pride and joy. As a result of this, he and his clothes often end up having a distinct scent on them from the animals. He tries to get it off of him, but it sticks.

I am offended and upset that someone wouldn’t have the guts to tell me to my face. Instead, they chose to leave a note without signing their name. I now feel as if I can’t trust the people around me anymore, and I feel as if it could’ve been anyone from my life. How am I supposed to find out who did this and confront them? -- My Son’s Hygiene

DEAR MY SON’S HYGIENE: I’m sorry, but I think you are looking at this through the wrong lens. It isn’t that the person lacks courage. I believe the message was delivered anonymously so that you can seriously address this situation rather than get in a rage over the messenger. Stop trying to figure out who wrote it. Start getting creative on helping your teen son learn how to take better care of his body and clothing as he continues to love his animals.

This may mean separating what clothes he can wear when handling the animals -- including washing and storing them separately as well. Find a stronger soap for him to bathe his body. Ask some of your male farmer friends what they recommend for cleanliness. This is not a new problem for farmers. Somebody should have solutions you can try. Forgive the messenger, and receive the message.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend's aunt allowed me to rent a room in her house until October. However, I found a new place and will be moving out earlier than expected. Now my friend's aunt is expecting me to pay rent for the month of September, even though I won't be living there. While I understand it was a previously agreed-upon arrangement, I can't help feeling uncomfortable about this request. It’s not like I signed a lease or anything. Would I be wrong to decline? -- Moving Out

DEAR MOVING OUT: Though you did not sign a lease, you had an agreement that you are breaking. Your moving out impacts this woman’s income. Yes, you should pay her the full amount you committed to giving her. If you absolutely cannot pay her for the time you committed to staying at her home, offer to pay her at least half. She deserves to be paid for the time you reserved that room. You should not have an attitude about it. She rescued you in your time of need. Don’t disrespect her now because you are moving on.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)