DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who doesn’t respect my time at all, and it’s very frustrating. We will make plans to go out for dinner or an event together, which I will have been looking forward to all day, and she’ll cancel on me an hour before we're supposed to leave. If she doesn’t cancel, she will postpone for an hour. I find it incredibly disrespectful toward me because time and being timely is something that I value. I find it interesting that she doesn’t respect my time since she gets very upset when people mess with hers. All these incidents keep piling up, and I feel like I might snap at her and say something that I regret soon. How do I approach having a conversation with her about this and avoid creating tension? We are both in our early 20s, and I have learned that people around my age don’t like being confronted about topics like this. I consider her my best friend and don’t want this to ruin our friendship. -- Honor Time

DEAR HONOR TIME: You are overdue for a face-to-face. Sit down with your friend and express to her how disappointed you are in how your interactions have been going recently. Explain how you look forward to activities that the two of you plan together and how jarring it is when she regularly cancels, postpones or delays plans that you have made together. Tell her that it isn’t respectful of your time, and you do not appreciate it. Sure, she may not like that you are bringing this up, but you must.

Ask her if she will work harder to honor the plans you make together. Ask her what is making her late and fickle now. If she says you are her best friend so you should understand, reflect back to her that a best friend shouldn’t do this. Set boundaries for the future. Tell her you want to agree to reconfirm plans the day before rather than an hour before an engagement. You expect her to keep your plans, barring an extreme emergency.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on a group trip with some family and family friends. During the trip, I spent most of my time with the group that was my age. However, halfway through the trip, I decided to spend my time with a different group because the people my age could not simply stick to the itinerary. Several times, we would show up late or miss the activities altogether because nobody could make a solid decision, and nobody would listen to me. Now that the trip is over, I feel like I may have hurt the feelings of my original group by abandoning them. How should I handle this? -- Stick To the Plans

DEAR STICK TO THE PLANS: Request a debrief of the event with your original group. Ask them how they enjoyed the trip and what pitfalls they noticed. When it’s your turn, describe yours, including how too often you missed activities because of the group’s indecision. Explain that you decided to travel independent of them at a certain point so that you could participate in the larger group’s planned events. See what they have to say. You should not feel bad about your decision. It was wise for you to be proactive.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm having trouble with a musician friend of mine. She came to me seeking advice about a few songs she’s been working on. I gave her my opinion, trying my best to be as tactful as possible. However, she took my feedback the wrong way and ended up getting quite upset with me. She claimed that she valued my opinion, yet her reaction said otherwise. I'm now wondering if it would be unfair for me to ask her to stop seeking my advice altogether. -- You Asked

DEAR YOU ASKED: Why not just pause altogether? You don’t need to address this situation right now. You see the impact that your advice had on your friend, at least in the immediate aftermath. Perhaps she will consider your input after getting over her hurt feelings and take it into account. Perhaps not. There’s a good chance she won’t ask you for advice anymore since she didn’t receive it well. If she does, that’s when you can decline, telling her that you do not feel comfortable sharing your honest opinion since you have experienced her taking your feedback very poorly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I have been partying hard all summer. The other night, I told myself we would stop early as it was Sunday, and I knew I had to get up and work in the morning. My “quitting time” came and went, and I was wrecked in the morning. I had to cancel a meeting because I just couldn’t be properly present. I know I want to have fun, but I fear that this extreme, reckless behavior is going to do me in. How can I balance it all? -- Balance

DEAR BALANCE: When sober, take a look at your life and at the past few days and weeks. What do you like about your behavior? What doesn’t work for you? In this moment, you can make a choice for the future. It is OK to have a good time, but not at the expense of your life, health or livelihood. With discipline, you can continue to hang out with friends, just not with abandon. Decide in advance how many drinks you intend to consume, and cut yourself off when you reach your limit. Determine what time you need to go home and get in bed, and set an alarm. When you reach the time that will get you home on your personally created curfew, excuse yourself and go home.

Each week, look at your schedule and determine what days are more intense than others. Plan your fun around your serious time so that you never compromise your ability to get your work and responsibilities completed. Practice conscious awareness of your life. This will help you to regulate your behavior and create peace for yourself. Pay attention to the people you include in your inner circle. Make sure they deserve to be there. Even as an adult, you are vulnerable to others’ influence on you. Surround yourself with people who will uplift you. Watch your life blossom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a nanny for the past decade, and I’ve cherished every moment of it because I love children. I have been patiently waiting to have my own some day because I wanted to find the right partner to have them with. I recently got engaged to a man I love dearly, but he is adamant that he doesn’t want children. He is turning 50 soon and doesn’t want to have to raise babies now that he’s older. He says that for most people at 50, their children are moving out, not just being born.

I really love him and don’t want to have to separate, but having children is something I have always dreamed of and seen myself doing. Do you believe that there is a way I will be able to convince him to have children of our own, or should I give in to his demands and just continue nannying? -- Time To Give Up

DEAR TIME TO GIVE UP: Given that you have gotten engaged to this man, you must believe that he is your soulmate. Sit with this for a moment. Is this man the one for you? Life is filled with compromises, even for the luckiest of us. Can you live with this one? It is unlikely that you can convince your fiance to change his mind about children. He was clear with you from the start about his desires, and you continued to date him and ultimately decided to commit to spending your life with him. That means that you are agreeing to honor this boundary. You should not continue to convince him otherwise or sneak and get pregnant.

Since you love children so much, nannying does sound like a way to be integral to children’s lives without bringing them home with you. Perhaps it is an ideal situation, given your circumstances. You have to dig deep on this one to see if you can happily live with the decision not to have children without resenting your husband. Otherwise, the relationship won’t work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I reached out to my friend who is a stylist, seeking her help to style me for an important event. Even though I had other options, I chose to ask her so that I could support her business. However, today, after discussing her rates, I realized that I simply can't afford her services even with the "friend discount." I felt terrible to let her down and go to a different, more affordable stylist instead. My friend is hurt and feels that I don’t value her services. How do I handle this? -- Can’t Afford Her

DEAR CAN’T AFFORD HER: Be upfront with your friend. Tell her your intention was to work with her. Your inability to afford her services at her “friend rate” is real. It has nothing to do with whether you value her work; it is directly related to your budget and what you can afford to pay. You would never intentionally diminish her or her services, which is why you had to step away. Tell her you will happily refer others to her, but today you cannot afford to hire her. The end.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)