DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm having trouble with a musician friend of mine. She came to me seeking advice about a few songs she’s been working on. I gave her my opinion, trying my best to be as tactful as possible. However, she took my feedback the wrong way and ended up getting quite upset with me. She claimed that she valued my opinion, yet her reaction said otherwise. I'm now wondering if it would be unfair for me to ask her to stop seeking my advice altogether. -- You Asked

DEAR YOU ASKED: Why not just pause altogether? You don’t need to address this situation right now. You see the impact that your advice had on your friend, at least in the immediate aftermath. Perhaps she will consider your input after getting over her hurt feelings and take it into account. Perhaps not. There’s a good chance she won’t ask you for advice anymore since she didn’t receive it well. If she does, that’s when you can decline, telling her that you do not feel comfortable sharing your honest opinion since you have experienced her taking your feedback very poorly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I have been partying hard all summer. The other night, I told myself we would stop early as it was Sunday, and I knew I had to get up and work in the morning. My “quitting time” came and went, and I was wrecked in the morning. I had to cancel a meeting because I just couldn’t be properly present. I know I want to have fun, but I fear that this extreme, reckless behavior is going to do me in. How can I balance it all? -- Balance

DEAR BALANCE: When sober, take a look at your life and at the past few days and weeks. What do you like about your behavior? What doesn’t work for you? In this moment, you can make a choice for the future. It is OK to have a good time, but not at the expense of your life, health or livelihood. With discipline, you can continue to hang out with friends, just not with abandon. Decide in advance how many drinks you intend to consume, and cut yourself off when you reach your limit. Determine what time you need to go home and get in bed, and set an alarm. When you reach the time that will get you home on your personally created curfew, excuse yourself and go home.

Each week, look at your schedule and determine what days are more intense than others. Plan your fun around your serious time so that you never compromise your ability to get your work and responsibilities completed. Practice conscious awareness of your life. This will help you to regulate your behavior and create peace for yourself. Pay attention to the people you include in your inner circle. Make sure they deserve to be there. Even as an adult, you are vulnerable to others’ influence on you. Surround yourself with people who will uplift you. Watch your life blossom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a nanny for the past decade, and I’ve cherished every moment of it because I love children. I have been patiently waiting to have my own some day because I wanted to find the right partner to have them with. I recently got engaged to a man I love dearly, but he is adamant that he doesn’t want children. He is turning 50 soon and doesn’t want to have to raise babies now that he’s older. He says that for most people at 50, their children are moving out, not just being born.

I really love him and don’t want to have to separate, but having children is something I have always dreamed of and seen myself doing. Do you believe that there is a way I will be able to convince him to have children of our own, or should I give in to his demands and just continue nannying? -- Time To Give Up

DEAR TIME TO GIVE UP: Given that you have gotten engaged to this man, you must believe that he is your soulmate. Sit with this for a moment. Is this man the one for you? Life is filled with compromises, even for the luckiest of us. Can you live with this one? It is unlikely that you can convince your fiance to change his mind about children. He was clear with you from the start about his desires, and you continued to date him and ultimately decided to commit to spending your life with him. That means that you are agreeing to honor this boundary. You should not continue to convince him otherwise or sneak and get pregnant.

Since you love children so much, nannying does sound like a way to be integral to children’s lives without bringing them home with you. Perhaps it is an ideal situation, given your circumstances. You have to dig deep on this one to see if you can happily live with the decision not to have children without resenting your husband. Otherwise, the relationship won’t work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I reached out to my friend who is a stylist, seeking her help to style me for an important event. Even though I had other options, I chose to ask her so that I could support her business. However, today, after discussing her rates, I realized that I simply can't afford her services even with the "friend discount." I felt terrible to let her down and go to a different, more affordable stylist instead. My friend is hurt and feels that I don’t value her services. How do I handle this? -- Can’t Afford Her

DEAR CAN’T AFFORD HER: Be upfront with your friend. Tell her your intention was to work with her. Your inability to afford her services at her “friend rate” is real. It has nothing to do with whether you value her work; it is directly related to your budget and what you can afford to pay. You would never intentionally diminish her or her services, which is why you had to step away. Tell her you will happily refer others to her, but today you cannot afford to hire her. The end.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance is 24, and I am 33. I met him last year at a restaurant, and we have been together ever since. He recently proposed! We are both excited to get married and start a life together. I am in the process of looking to buy a home, and this week I found one that I could see myself in for a long time. I was told that I was $15,000 short of making a down payment by my financial adviser. I didn’t want to ask my fiance; I knew he wouldn’t have the money since he has a ton of student loans he is working to pay off. I had an idea to sell my Mercedes-Benz convertible because I also have a Toyota that I use year-round. It didn’t even take a day for it to sell, and I was happy to be able to purchase the home.

When I told my fiance, he was upset because he wanted to be able to drive it around during the summers and show off. His reaction has been upsetting me because now it feels like he is just using me for my money and material possessions and not because he really loves me. I have worked hard to get to where I am today financially, and I have a good job. I hate feeling like he loved that car more than me, and I have even been thinking of calling off the engagement. What do you suggest I do? -- Meeting of the Minds

DEAR MEETING OF THE MINDS: While you two are engaged, you are not behaving as two people who are about to spend their lives together. You are looking to buy a home without consulting with your fiance. You sold your car without talking to him about it. He is criticizing you for selling your own car when he should be congratulating you on buying a house. While his reason for wanting to drive it is superficial, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s taking advantage of you. You had a luxury car he had hoped to enjoy, so a little disappointment is natural.

You need to sit down together and talk about your future. What do you want? What does he want? How can you build a life together? You should be proud of your accomplishments, but unless you figure out how to work with your fiance to make a life together, it will not work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughters are 13 and 15, and I don’t trust them to stay home alone for the weekend. My husband and I are celebrating 15 years of marriage, and we want to go away for the weekend without our kids. I told them that they are going to stay with their aunt and uncle because I want someone to keep an eye on my daughters and be able to drive them places.

They act as if I am doing this to punish them, and they have been begging me to let them stay home. My younger daughter is at an age where I have been met with a lot of resistance and rebellion. I don’t want her to do anything or go anywhere that I wouldn’t allow if I were home. Do you think I should give her the opportunity to gain my trust or go with my gut and send her to my sister’s house? -- Protect the Teens

DEAR PROTECT THE TEENS: Trust your gut, and let your sister know their states of mind so she is prepared to deal with them when they arrive. It's better for them to be mad at you than possibly to be in harm’s way.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)