DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 40-year-old single mother of twin 10-year-old daughters. I have been dating a guy for a year. I really like him and even think he could be the one. My daughters, however, have been nothing but nasty to him, regardless of how well he has treated them. He has brought them gifts and taken them to do fun activities, but they still aren’t impressed. I know it’s because they feel as if I am replacing their dad, who unfortunately died when they were 6. I loved him very much, but I am ready to find another partner. I feel distraught about how to proceed in this relationship because I don’t want to make everyone who’s involved have a miserable life if we marry. I have tried breaking through to them about my boyfriend and telling them that he’s not here to replace their dad, but they just don’t listen. I am thinking of breaking up with him even though I really like him. What are your opinions on my situation? -- Making Peace

DEAR MAKING PEACE: Your girls need more time. While a year may seem like a long time to you and your guy, it is not long from the perspective of a life. If you and he seriously want to marry and create a family together, you both have to be willing to be patient and continue to build relationships with the girls.

In addition, get the girls professional support. Put them in therapy, individually and with you as family. A therapist may be able to help all of you come to terms that will be welcoming to everyone and clear a path forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day I ran into a guy with whom I had gone out on a date once more than 30 years ago. Every time I see him, he acts like a lascivious lech. He is horrible. I do my best to keep my distance.

Years ago, when he met my husband, he told him that I was almost his. That is NOT the case. This time I saw him when I was picking up my daughter and her friends from the train. I was friendly but distant. Apparently, the way he looked at me made my daughter’s friends uncomfortable. And when I passed him, he reached out to greet me with a hug. I reluctantly hugged him so as not to cause a scene. They said they thought he was hitting on me. Yuck! I have never led this guy on. Is there anything I can do other than keep my distance? He seems harmless, just gross. -- Not an Old Flame

DEAR NOT AN OLD FLAME: What you are doing may be best in that you are acknowledging his existence but not taking it further. Ignoring him completely could push him to try to get you to pay more attention to him. You do not need to hug or touch him. You can keep your physical distance and back up when he leans in. Smile, say hello and keep it moving.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I bumped into a college friend with whom I shared a close bond in the past. While catching up, I mentioned my relatively newfound friendship with another woman we both knew from college -- and that's when things turned awkward. My college friend was taken aback and expressed surprise about my new friendship with this woman. According to her, my new friend used to badmouth me in the past, which left me feeling hurt and confused. I am not sure what to do about this situation and how to proceed with my friendship with my new friend. We were in college more than 10 years ago, but I had no idea she used to talk about me the way that she did. How do I handle this? -- Perplexed

DEAR PERPLEXED: Keep it simple. Tell your new friend directly what you just heard. Ask her if it’s true that she used to talk badly about you. If so, why? Ask why she wants to be friends with you now. Explain that you were just told that she engaged in badmouthing you when you two were in college. While you didn’t know it at the time, you found the news disturbing, and you want to get to the bottom of it.

It is possible for people to change and to learn from the mistakes of their youth. Find out what this woman’s story is. Get her to tell you exactly what her beef was with you way back then, including specifics about what she used to say. Then decide if you can forgive her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In response to the woman whose sister won’t help her get a job at a company she wants to join: I’m getting the distinct impression that this woman wants to work for this company because it will be good for her; you have to sell yourself on how the company will benefit from hiring you. And the “it’s who you know”? I know hundreds of people; it doesn’t mean I’d hire them. It’s who LIKES you and would recommend you. Frequently when a person tries to get hired on the recommendation of a relative we already employ -- not always, but frequently -- they have a disqualifying issue (often interpersonal skills, but in one case an arrest record).

I’ve never heard a job candidate describe themselves as anything but the perfect candidate -- a “team player,” a “people person” and “detail-oriented.” Upon reading the resume with 10 typos and conducting the interview, I frequently find just the opposite. I need to hear these glowing descriptions from their references before I can believe them. There may be a reason this sister isn’t trying to help the letter-writer. -- HR Insights

DEAR HR INSIGHTS: Thank you for sharing your perspective. Too often, we point the finger at others when things don’t go our way. When you take a good look at yourself, that’s when you can get some real insights about how to move forward. Reframing yourself so that you show how your skills fit the needs of the company makes sense. That is why people get hired, right?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 30-year-old single woman who just moved to Washington, D.C. for a work opportunity. I previously lived in Minnesota, which is where I grew up and where all of my friends, family and newly ex-boyfriend live.

I feel as if I am starting to move backward in my personal life because I thought I would be married by now and ended up breaking up with my boyfriend of three years because he didn’t want to move or make a long-distance relationship work. I don’t know anyone in Washington, D.C., and I’m nervous to leave everyone I know behind and start a new life. I don’t know how I will be able to make friends as an adult in a new city. I’m scared to live somewhere if I don’t have a support system, and I’m starting to regret my choice. Do you think this move is a rash decision that will end up being an extremely isolating experience? -- Questioning My Move

DEAR QUESTIONING MY MOVE: Moving far away from home and loved ones can be difficult. Yet you have chosen a dynamic city that has an active social scene. You just have to put yourself out there. First, get settled in your job. Meet people there and establish bonds with them. Assess your personal interests and look for opportunities to explore them in your new town. Keep your eyes open for people who share those interests. Consistently put yourself out there. You will not meet your dream partner if you stay at home. Go to work. Go to dinner. Go to social functions. Set an intention to meet new people and get to know them. Decide to invite at least one person each month to have coffee or lunch or drinks. Schedule in time to explore your new city and get to know people. That’s how it will happen.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have one friend who is a perpetual naysayer. No matter what I say to her, she has a negative response. Literally whatever I suggest, she rejects, even as only moments later she reintroduces the idea as her own. It is so frustrating. She and I used to be close, but this new behavior is washing away whatever closeness there once was. How can I get her to stop? I don’t want to hang out with her if it’s guaranteed to be a bad experience. -- Friend Reject

DEAR FRIEND REJECT: Stop your friend and ask her why she is so negative. Ask her what’s going on in her life, if something has changed that has soured her view on life. Start with compassion and see what she says. If she brushes you off, point out to her a few concrete examples of what you mean. Describe to her when she last rejected your thoughts only to claim them as her own moments later. Show her how hypocritical she can be and how rude. Ask her why she is choosing to be so unkind to you. Implore her to stop. If she doesn’t, consider stepping away from that friendship. You deserve to be honored by your loved ones, not criticized.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)