DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I bumped into a college friend with whom I shared a close bond in the past. While catching up, I mentioned my relatively newfound friendship with another woman we both knew from college -- and that's when things turned awkward. My college friend was taken aback and expressed surprise about my new friendship with this woman. According to her, my new friend used to badmouth me in the past, which left me feeling hurt and confused. I am not sure what to do about this situation and how to proceed with my friendship with my new friend. We were in college more than 10 years ago, but I had no idea she used to talk about me the way that she did. How do I handle this? -- Perplexed

DEAR PERPLEXED: Keep it simple. Tell your new friend directly what you just heard. Ask her if it’s true that she used to talk badly about you. If so, why? Ask why she wants to be friends with you now. Explain that you were just told that she engaged in badmouthing you when you two were in college. While you didn’t know it at the time, you found the news disturbing, and you want to get to the bottom of it.

It is possible for people to change and to learn from the mistakes of their youth. Find out what this woman’s story is. Get her to tell you exactly what her beef was with you way back then, including specifics about what she used to say. Then decide if you can forgive her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In response to the woman whose sister won’t help her get a job at a company she wants to join: I’m getting the distinct impression that this woman wants to work for this company because it will be good for her; you have to sell yourself on how the company will benefit from hiring you. And the “it’s who you know”? I know hundreds of people; it doesn’t mean I’d hire them. It’s who LIKES you and would recommend you. Frequently when a person tries to get hired on the recommendation of a relative we already employ -- not always, but frequently -- they have a disqualifying issue (often interpersonal skills, but in one case an arrest record).

I’ve never heard a job candidate describe themselves as anything but the perfect candidate -- a “team player,” a “people person” and “detail-oriented.” Upon reading the resume with 10 typos and conducting the interview, I frequently find just the opposite. I need to hear these glowing descriptions from their references before I can believe them. There may be a reason this sister isn’t trying to help the letter-writer. -- HR Insights

DEAR HR INSIGHTS: Thank you for sharing your perspective. Too often, we point the finger at others when things don’t go our way. When you take a good look at yourself, that’s when you can get some real insights about how to move forward. Reframing yourself so that you show how your skills fit the needs of the company makes sense. That is why people get hired, right?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 30-year-old single woman who just moved to Washington, D.C. for a work opportunity. I previously lived in Minnesota, which is where I grew up and where all of my friends, family and newly ex-boyfriend live.

I feel as if I am starting to move backward in my personal life because I thought I would be married by now and ended up breaking up with my boyfriend of three years because he didn’t want to move or make a long-distance relationship work. I don’t know anyone in Washington, D.C., and I’m nervous to leave everyone I know behind and start a new life. I don’t know how I will be able to make friends as an adult in a new city. I’m scared to live somewhere if I don’t have a support system, and I’m starting to regret my choice. Do you think this move is a rash decision that will end up being an extremely isolating experience? -- Questioning My Move

DEAR QUESTIONING MY MOVE: Moving far away from home and loved ones can be difficult. Yet you have chosen a dynamic city that has an active social scene. You just have to put yourself out there. First, get settled in your job. Meet people there and establish bonds with them. Assess your personal interests and look for opportunities to explore them in your new town. Keep your eyes open for people who share those interests. Consistently put yourself out there. You will not meet your dream partner if you stay at home. Go to work. Go to dinner. Go to social functions. Set an intention to meet new people and get to know them. Decide to invite at least one person each month to have coffee or lunch or drinks. Schedule in time to explore your new city and get to know people. That’s how it will happen.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have one friend who is a perpetual naysayer. No matter what I say to her, she has a negative response. Literally whatever I suggest, she rejects, even as only moments later she reintroduces the idea as her own. It is so frustrating. She and I used to be close, but this new behavior is washing away whatever closeness there once was. How can I get her to stop? I don’t want to hang out with her if it’s guaranteed to be a bad experience. -- Friend Reject

DEAR FRIEND REJECT: Stop your friend and ask her why she is so negative. Ask her what’s going on in her life, if something has changed that has soured her view on life. Start with compassion and see what she says. If she brushes you off, point out to her a few concrete examples of what you mean. Describe to her when she last rejected your thoughts only to claim them as her own moments later. Show her how hypocritical she can be and how rude. Ask her why she is choosing to be so unkind to you. Implore her to stop. If she doesn’t, consider stepping away from that friendship. You deserve to be honored by your loved ones, not criticized.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The ongoing union strikes have left me jobless as a writer's assistant for a major entertainment company. It has been a year since I moved to Los Angeles for this job, and now I'm left with the difficult decision of staying in the city to search for a new job or returning home to my family and familiar surroundings. While I have grown to love the vibrant city of Los Angeles and the exciting industry it holds, the practicalities of living expenses and the unpredictability of finding a job in such a competitive market leaves me unsure of what to do. Moving to LA and being a writer for this company have been my dreams since childhood. What should I consider before making this life-changing decision? -- Lost in LA

DEAR LOST IN LA: If your dream is to live and work in LA, don’t give up just yet. Behind the scenes, the union and film executives are working overtime to come to an agreement. It is not easy, as both sides have their arguments. While they are at a standstill, you have to take action. Aggressively look for a job, preferably something that pays well and offers flexibility. Restaurant and bar jobs work well for people in the entertainment industry, but there are other options depending on your skills and experience.

Eventually, the strike will end. If you can find something that puts money in your pocket while you wait, do that. You may have to get creative in your search and think outside the box as thousands of other people are job-searching right now, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend's sister recently called me by another girl's name. While on FaceTime with my boyfriend, I could hear her in the background, and she asked if I was someone else entirely. This made me wonder if there was something going on between my boyfriend and this other girl. What should I do? Is it possible that it was just a slip of the tongue, or should I confront my boyfriend about it? -- Wrong Name

DEAR WRONG NAME: Don’t think of this as a confrontation. Consider it a point of clarification. This way you don’t go into the conversation ready to fight. You can be on an information-gathering mission. Go to your boyfriend and ask him who this person is. Then wait. You don’t have to fill in the blanks. You can allow silence to fill the space until he responds. If he says nothing, repeat the question. His reaction will tell you a lot about who this person may be. If things remain awkward, tell him you are asking because you heard his sister call her name. Obviously, you want to know if he is seeing someone else. Ask him to tell you if he is. Make it clear that you deserve to know. You do not want to be in the dark here. You would greatly appreciate his honesty.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)